


Belief

by lunaschild2016



Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2019-09-25 03:00:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 63,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17113184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunaschild2016/pseuds/lunaschild2016
Summary: Devi is Dauntless. Through blood sweat and tears she made a place for herself three years ago when she left her life in Amity behind. Not once in that three years has Eric Coulter even deigned to look her way. Not until that night. Now she has nothing but his attention. Eric/OC AU [Smut, Language, Romance]





	1. Belief: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Devi is Dauntless. Through blood sweat and tears she made a place for herself three years ago when she left her life in Amity behind. Not once in that three years has Eric Coulter even deigned to look her way. Not until that night. Now she has nothing but his attention. Eric/OC AU [Smut, Language, Romance]

 

* * *

**Title and story inspired by** **_Belief_ ** **by Gavin DeGraw**

**Character Inspiration:**

**Devi Nunez- Diane Guerrero**

**Eric Coulter- Jai Courtney**

**Elijah - Alexander Skarsgård**

* * *

_Tonight you arrested my mind_

_When you came to my defense_

_With a knife_

_In the shape of your mouth_

_In the form of your body_

_With the wrath of a god_

_Oh, you stood by me_

_Belief_

_Builds from scratch_

_Doesn't have to relax_

_It doesn't need space_

_Long live the queen_

_And I'll be the king_

_In the collar of grace_

_Tonight, you arrested my mind_

_When you came to my defense_

_With a knife_

_In the shape of your mouth_

_In the form of your body_

_With the wrath of a god_

_Oh, you stood by me_

_Belief_

_[Belief, Gavin DeGraw]_

 

* * *

 

 

**Part 1**

 

A dare is a fucking dare, and Dauntless don’t give up. I’m dauntless now and have been for the last three years.

I’m doing ok here. I’ve made a place for myself and friends. Although it was hard leaving everyone I knew behind in Amity, I did it. Even when I knew that my grandparents and brother would wash their hands of me when I left. It wasn’t anything personal, but they’re just staunch advocates for peace.

Okay, so maybe for them it was a little personal. They felt like I rejected them, who they are and everything they stand for. It hurt them badly.

I’ve always held a secret hope they would come to see that I left because my staying would be like a slap in the face to them every day. Small wounds that would build up in time until finally, I would knick a vein and cause whatever love we had to just bleed out for good.

See, I can’t even make an analogy about how much I would end up hurting my family without it turning into something out of a war story or horror film.

The thing is, I don't really have a big story or wrong from my life in Amity. It was kind of perfect and I followed along every day with a smile on my face. Granted, my family drowned ourselves in peace serum laced foods and drink, so that helped keep the smile in place. I arrived in Dauntless with the carb-laden proof on my hips and thighs and that took some serious work to fix my first few months here.

I still can’t quite kick the carb habit, so there’s more cushion than there should be probably.

Back in Amity I sang happily, played instruments, braided hair and took part in the free love once I hit puberty and was flooded with all those lovely hormones.

But my _favorite_ part of life back there was working with the animals. Horses mainly. When we had the rare chance to tame one, gentle we call it though others might have called it breaking them in, I was one of the first they called. I always had a way about me. I can be gentle when called for, but my stubbornness and determination always saw me winning in the end.

Looking back now, I know that should have been my first clue.

That life I led before, it all changed the day I took the aptitude test. I went in expecting nothing but a life in Amity. It was all planned out for me. That test changed everything in the blink of an eye.

Dauntless.

That was what the Abnegation woman told me, looking at me with understanding soulful eyes as she did so. There was no hiding my shock or stopping the sobs that wracked my body. The woman held me in her arms and told me that it would be okay. I didn’t know how it could be okay when I was feeling, at that moment that my life was a lie. That _I_ was a lie.

Just before I walked out of the door she reached out for my arm and held me back. Her eyes were full of determination and something else that just reached deep into me. _“You can choose Amity tomorrow, but if you do, you will never truly know who you are or who you could be.”_

I went home with her words still ringing in my ears and confusion of feelings within my heart. I hadn’t been able to hide the pain on my face, so my family saw it clearly. They knew as soon as they saw me what that meant. They didn’t ask what faction I got but they knew it wasn’t Amity and they made their position very clear. As gently as mi Abuela could, she let me know that if I left they would not see me again.

  
They would uphold faction before blood.

I was scared like I had never been before in my life but I also felt strangely alive.

It was exactly like I felt in the paddock facing an animal that was easily eight inches taller than me and had at least a couple of hundred pounds on me if not more. It must have looked ridiculous. I’m a five-foot-four-inch Latina girl that has a few extra pounds in some areas, but I still look like the wind could blow me over. Imagine me standing face to face with beasts towering over me.

Out of the paddock, I’m very self-aware, even a little self-conscious. But inside it, that all melts away and there is no fear for me. 

When dealing with all the animals, I understood that some of the things we had to do could and were considered cruel by others but they never bothered me. Even when some of those things involved the slaughtering of the livestock that is specifically raised for the purposes of feeding the factions. I always had the mindset that it had to be done but at least we could do it in the least stressful way as possible.

As I lay in bed that night after the test, I went over things like that in my mind and it had been like unlocking some part of me that was always been held back until the revelation of the aptitude test. I knew then that the Abnegation woman from my test was right. I was given the truth and my path and I knew I couldn't turn away from it.

I never backed down then and that’s something that hasn’t changed even now.

I have found myself here. It took a lot of work and some very unexpected struggles, but I also like who I have become.

_Generally_ , I love my life and who I am.  

Even during times like right now when I know that come the morning, sober me is going to be hating the fuck out of drunk me. 

I glare over at my friend as she smirks back at me from across the bar table. I toss back the shot and beer chaser one after the other, then slam the glasses back onto the table.

“Fine! I will!” I snap at her, then shove my way through the bar and head to the door.

My three friends follow close behind me, alternating between disbelieving murmurs or begging me not to do it. I hear one pleading with me to back down for once and that only makes me even more determined to follow through with it.

_But seriously, did she really think that was going to happen?_

It might be a serious character flaw, I know, my refusal to give in or up. Even when it results in situations like back in my initiation and the fights started. I refused to go down easy and more than half of them resulted in me being beaten up pretty badly. I still didn’t give up. And when my next fight came up, no matter how hurt I was, I stepped up and gave it my all.

That alone got me enough points to eke out the ranking I need to get my Physio Therapy and Medic Nurse positions and titles. Three years later and I've worked my way to the position of Head Nurse.  

Walking through the compound, drunk and on the highest heels I could manage to get is proving a challenge. I wobble and curse as the stone floors throw up obstacles that make me look like I’m a sailor on the deck of a ship during a storm, swaying back and forth. It doesn’t help that even with the heels I am still a couple of inches shorter than most of the people around and have difficulties getting noticed that I’m trying to get through.

I finally manage to shove my way to my objective.

The Pit has different levels with various different hangout spots throughout. Some are open-air, meaning they are shoved into some nook that’s carved out of the stone but otherwise have no real enclosures. Others are full-on bars with swinging doors and everything.

Where I need to be is an open-air hangout that is really popular with the high ranking people in Dauntless. It’s a prime location because it’s high enough up that the people there can see almost all places in the Pit. Leaders are known for hanging out there after hours to be able to keep an eye on things and wind down.

I always thought that it made them seem like they were half part of the faction and half sitting on thrones, lording over everyone.

As I spot him that analogy seems to hit home. He sits at the table like a king on his throne and the people surrounding him sure seem intent on treating him like he’s one.

I can’t help but observe this with a sneer crossing my face as it sure doesn’t seem he’s much of the reluctant ‘king’ as he’s always claiming. He seems to be eating it up as they all gather to kiss his feet and lick his ass. That’s exactly the thought that got me into the position I am now. Drunkenly weaving my way towards his table.

Just a bit ago I loudly made that comment to my friends in the middle of an angry rant and my friend AJ immediately jumped on it, daring me to say those exact words to his face.

And dammit, I’m just mad and drunk enough that I’m going to do just that. He needs to know how fucked up what he did is and I am going to tell the _legendary Four_ just what I think of him!

I make my way to his table but there’s a virtual wall of people around him. Some are standing, most are sitting in or on any available surface. Not _one_ of them pays any attention to me as I give polite squeaked pleads to be let through.

One guy looks me dead in the eye, raises an eyebrow and snorts dismissively.

If I wasn’t already pissed, that sure did the damn trick. It just fuels it even more, driving any sense of propriety or rational thought from my mind.

Usually, I’m a pretty even-tempered girl unless it comes to something I'm extremely passionate about. A recent discovery of mine is that once my temper is lit it makes me into a volcano. A tiny one, no doubt, but don’t let my size fool you. I can do some damage now when I need to.

Lucky for the douchebag that fanned the flames, my fuse was already lit by someone else and come hell or high water he was going to know it. I furiously look around and my eyes narrow at the nearest table as an idea pops into my head.

With a determined smile, I stomp my way over to the table and start to climb up it. I completely disregard the fact that this table is currently occupied. There was an empty space for me to use for the climb and that was invitation enough for me.

Glasses and bottles scatter and fall, breaking as they go tumbling while I scramble up onto the table and then wobble as I move from my kneeled position to try and stand. The table is solid stone and has no give but my slim stilettos don’t seem to like this new development.

I look down at the shoes I fell in love with and just had to have, prepared to give them a glare and order them to behave. Instead, I get distracted by the realization that they really do make my legs look killer as Vera gushingly informed me when I first showed up in them earlier tonight.

The shouting from around me, as the occupants of the table protest the loss of their drinks, brings me around and I shake my head and the drunken smirk from my face.

“Focus, Devi!” I loudly scold myself and square my shoulders as I stand up, lifting my chin as my eyes zero in on my target.

This is when I notice that many eyes are on me and there are even some people catcalling or whistling while chanting _‘dance, dance '_. I would tell those idiots off normally but I see this has gotten the person's attention I wanted all along.

“Hey, Four!” I bellow out loudly, trying to really project my voice. I figure just telling Four what I think isn’t enough anymore. The whole damn faction should know.

The table under me shakes with the force of whoever just slammed their fist down as they yelled. “Fucking figures,” with something that sounds like a groan and growl all in one. But I’m too focused to see who that is or what he means.

Four is looking right at me, startled enough that he isn’t paying attention to the blurry yet vaguely familiar girl beside him who’s trying to get his attention and furiously whispering in his ear.

“I have something to say to you,” I yell with a hand on my hip and my eyes narrowed in anger.

“Devi?” He calls out and that stupid concerned looks he gets crosses his face. “Are you drunk right now?”

“No! And fuck you with your…” I gesture wildly at him, meaning to indicate his face and failing. So I try again using my face while searching for the words to describe what I mean but they are all coming up Spanish in my mind. When the English words finally come to me, I gasp out and continue on triumphantly. “Your stupid puckered forehead and puppy dog eyes, trying to look all concerned and nice. I’ve got news for you. Eres un cabròn. You aren’t as nice as you play at being or what everyone thinks and I’m sick of it!”

“Well, this just got interesting,” Drifts up to me from somewhere below me while around me I can hear mixed reactions from the audience.

There are a good many girls that are scowling at me, shouting out insults. Other people are simply chuckling or making various other amused sounds and cheers.

Four briefly looks at the blurry and out of focus girl, those drinks are starting to really hit me hard, who’s still trying to get his attention and seems to make some kind of reassuring gesture to her while he stands and locks eyes with me. His eyes are narrowed in that same concerned look while he slowly starts to raise his hands while approaching me.

I guess it's supposed to look like he’s trying to reassure me but honestly, to me, it just looks like he’s surrendering.

“If this is about earlier today…”

Him speaking and the raised hands just irritate me and I scowl while hissing to myself in irritation. “Dauntless don’t give up.”

Then I stomp my foot on the table in determination, ready to repeat that out loud, making something shatter beneath the point of my heel. Someone jumps back from the table cursing but again I press on.

“Remember that? Dauntless don’t give up. We both learned the same thing but maybe I remember it better than you do. Maybe it was too easy for you, Mr. Dauntless Prodigy,” I snort the unofficial nickname for him. “Maybe if you had learned the hard way like I had to, it would have stuck a little bit better for you.” I pop my hip out to the side and put my hand on it while staring him down.

“Do you even _try_ …” I wave my hand out, almost losing my balance in the process but just barely manage to stay standing “...to actually help them? The initiates you insist on continuing to train yourself? Did you actually try and help that girl? Did you try and tell her that the pain would pass and she would get stronger for it if she could just hang on? No! What did you say to her while she was laying in that bed ready to give up and walk away?” I’m furious now, my blood boiling at the memory. “All you said to her was that these were the new rules and there was nothing that could be done. All you did was imply... _hey...I know you just got the shit kicked out of you but that wasn’t **my** fault._  _I didn’t **make**  _ _the rules. I just have to go by them._ Not one word from you that she could become more, that she could become Dauntless. It’s bullshit!” I yell once again, but this time even more fiercely.

The force my yelling and using my body to gesture in my anger unbalances my already precarious position and I lurch forward, arms flailing wildly as I pitch forward. I close my eyes, certain my end is coming and wonder what they’re going to say at my memorial at the chasm.

_'Devi, she went how all Dauntless should. Drunk, pissed and stupid.’_

“Alright. That’s enough for you tonight.” A voice drawls surprisingly close to me. I realize that the hard feeling against my body is actually that of someone else's against mine, not the ground as I expected. Someone that has me held tightly in his arms and even tighter against his body.

I decide it’s safe to open my eyes again to see who my savior from a very humiliating death is, and get an eye full of black clothes until they travel up to see a jawline made of stone and even harder blue eyes glaring down at me.

“Leave her alone, Eric. She’s drunk and doesn’t know what she’s doing. I’ll get her home.” Four says, getting my attention and I look to see he’s standing in front of me after having barely had to push his way through the crowd.

_They all just fucking parted for him like Moses and the Red Sea._

“Como si fuera a ir a cualquier parte contigo. Metelo en el culo Mejor aún, ¡espero que un pollo te pique la polla!” I spit out furiously while glaring at Four.

“Sounds like she doesn’t want anything to do with you at the moment,” Eric says with a chuckle after I threw out a few more choice words in Spanish. More insults that were all livestock oriented and made not a damn bit of sense outside of Amity.

“I don’t!” I nod firmly with a look of smug defiance.

“Devi, you’re drunk and upset about the girl leaving. But you _don’t_ need to be going off alone with _him_.”

The already taut muscles of Eric’s arms go even tighter as he tenses. It almost feels like there’s a slight tremor in his muscles and apprehension radiates up and down my spine, tingling along the way. I might not know a lot about Eric, despite being in the same faction for over three years and having shared the same initiation. But there is one thing I know for sure and that is Eric’s temper makes mine look like a missile strike against his nuclear explosion.

Still, this isn’t Eric’s fight and I refuse to let him take it on and fight it for me. I started this and I intend to finish it.

“Fuck you, Four!” I snarl out, my face contorting in my anger.

He was already stepping forward, arms out to take me from Eric. I swipe at his arms violently but then immediately switch to gripping Eric’s tightly, nails digging in, when I felt him moving me. There was a moment I thought he was going to hand me over, and I certainly didn’t want that to happen, but it turned out he was moving me away from Four.

“You don’t get to tell me what I should do. And that _girl_ has a fucking name by the way. It’s Rain, and now she’ll never have the family she left everyone behind for because you didn’t even try to talk her out of walking away. Why didn’t you try!" I yell, voice breaking a little. "You could’ve told her that it gets better and the pain doesn’t last. You want to look down your nose at Eric? At least he has always been honest, with her and all the rest of them. Yes, he was pushing them hard. But at least when he was she had a chance. Then you went and complained to get your way. Everyone is always so ready to kiss your ass and lick your feet….” I pause and shake my head because that isn’t right, “I mean kiss your feet and lick your ass…” That sounds right but confusion makes it feel like it isn’t. “You know what I mean!” I huff finally. “Sometimes you have to break someone to make them stronger and she needed to know that.”

I can tell I’ve royally pissed off Four but I don’t care. It’s all true.

It also hurt me too much to watch that girl throw her life away by giving up and that made me need to hurt someone in return.

“Enough, Devi. You’ve had your say. Now go sleep it off but we _will_ be talking about this privately.” Four says lowly before turning and walking away, vanishing into the crowd that rushes in and blurs around him.

Things had already started to go on the blurring, spinning side, but it feels like hits me even harder all of the sudden. I guess the rush of adrenaline that was pushing me through my drunken state has finally started to fade enough that all that liquor I downed in a short amount of time has decided it’s time to really have fun with me. You would think they have already had their fill by me showing my ass in the Pit, but obviously, they aren’t done with me. It’s leaving me spinning and groaning as I let my head briefly rest against the solid surface of Eric’s chest.

“I don’t feel so good,” I mutter into his chest after some minutes pass and the spinning hasn’t gotten any better.

I don’t dare to open my eyes. At first, it feels like the air is rushing past my body. Making me think I really am spinning. When I look up all I can see at first is Eric staring straight ahead with his jaw tense but his mouth moving slightly. Like he’s muttering under his breath. I look away from him to see that sensation of air rushing along my body is because we're in motion. Eric still has me locked against his body and is walking at a steady pace but doesn't seem to be rushing. We are nowhere near the pit, telling me he’s already been walking for a bit and I didn’t even realize it.

I try to determine where we are but everything looks like blurred streaks making my head hurt and stomach flip. I groan and slam my eyes shut again.

“I swear if you throw up on me I’ll assign you maid duties in my apartment for a fucking month.”

“I won’t. I just spin.” I reply with a pained sigh before I dare to open my eyes again. Trying to look around me. The doors and hallways are still all speeding by and nothing looks familiar. “Are you taking me home with you, Eric?”

The words come out and I pause, tilting my head because it sounds off to me. Almost as if there was excitement in my tone.

Eric chuckles but it’s so deep and husky that the only reason I realize it is a chuckle is that his body and chest vibrates with it.

He comes to a stop and looks down at me when I tilted my head back to look up at him. His eyes look darker in the light of the residential hallways and the shadows from them make his cheeks morph so that his natural predatory expression just seems even more feral. His eyes flick away from me and he takes a breath then shifts so he has all my weight on one arm while also using his leg to balance me. He leans towards me until I can almost feel the heat of his breath on me.

“Not tonight, little one,” He pauses and lifts his free arm to pound on a door then wraps that arm securely around me again.

Silence fills the heartbeats as I look between him and the door, wondering what the hell’s going on. When there is rustling coming from the other side, Eric gets my attention again. This time it isn’t just the heat of his breath, but the brush of his lips against my ear as he speaks.

“You might not have meant to get my attention, Devi,” Locks are being thrown on the other side of the door when I swear I feel the nip of his teeth on the tip of my ear, “But you certainly have it, little one. You better be ready for me now.”

Is that a threat? A promise? Why does it feel like both?

The door opens suddenly and I see Tori standing there, completely disheveled and looking extremely put out to be disturbed. She's not even a bit less intimidating by her state of dress at all.

That’s the thing I most admire about the older woman. I’m sure that most people would be a bit uneasy to have to approach her when she is looking like this; while if I tried to pull this same look off it would make me look like a petulant child. She’s certainly always been respected by those that know her but especially now that she became one of our leaders after all the bullshit that went on with Erudite with the assistance of the old Dauntless leader regime.

I grin drunkenly at her which causes her to sniff even as her expression softened slightly for me. Then her eyes shifted over and hardened again when she eyes Eric. Or rather _me_ in Eric’s arms.

“Little late for a tattoo don’t you think, guys?” She deadpans while crossing her arms over her chest.

I start to chuckle, while Eric starts to move without even replying. He doesn’t even ask before he moves forward and through the door, with Tori scowling in his direction but not stopping him either.

His steps take him quickly to the couch where he leans down from the waist and deposits me onto the cushions while speaking over his shoulder to Tori. “Take care of that for me, will ya? I’ll be back to retrieve her in the morning.” He straightens and turns his back to me. Completely ignoring the fact that he’s disregarding me while doing so, and continues to speak to her. “I expect her to still be here.”

The fact that he hasn’t once looked at me again from the time Tori opened the door, along with the fact that he’s treating me like some package he has any control over, just pisses me off. So obviously I have to say and do something about this.

I pop up to get off that couch with every intention of telling him I sleep where I want. When I want. And with who I want….

Only the room starts spinning. I flop back against the couch like a fish out of the water while moaning loudly and putting a hand to my head.

“Wait! Why am I the one being stuck with the extremely drunk girl? One that looks like she’s minutes away from being sick all over my carpet? Need I tell you how hard that shit is to clean from white carpet?”

I crack my eyes open to try and get out something in protest but only let out another moan. I see Eric casually shrugging then turning back to me, reaching down like he’s going to scoop me back up but he does it very slowly and with a smirk on his lips. “Okay. I can take her back to my place like she was asking, but I won’t be responsible for what happens there. I just thought I would give that thing a try that you are always on me about. You know, to be less of a selfish dick.”

“Well fuck.” Tori sighs and pushes him away from me just as his hands brush against me. “Fine. But you owe me.”

He grins at her, flashing teeth and looking younger somehow. It occurs to me that I’ve never seen Eric Coulter smile before. At least not like that. I watch all of that as he walks towards the door with some kind of rekindling or something inside of me as I watch him go. 

_Maybe it's my stomach rebelling and Tori really should be worried?_

Before he gets to the door he looks at me, really looks at me, for the first time since we entered the apartment, and winks.

Wait...Eric just…. _winked_ at me?

It takes entirely too long for me to process any of that and by that time Tori is walking towards me from somewhere. In her hands, she has a glass of water and a bottle of pills while a shirt is draped over her arm.

You wouldn’t think it with how she greeted the two of us and the exchange just after, but Tori is the closest thing to real family I have here in Dauntless. She has been since shortly after I arrived. Sure, I have friends now, but none of them are as close to me as she is and none of them were there for me like she’s been.

In my initiation, I was a pariah.

My former faction alone was already a source of ridicule but I had other things going against me from the start. Most everyone just pretended I didn’t exist since it was easier to refuse to get close to someone that was never going to make it. Others seemed to take offense at me being in Dauntless at all. This was either usually conveyed by their taunts and making fun of me in any way they could.

I was even attacked once. I didn’t go down without giving them as good as I got. But I usually faced them, and anything during that time, alone.

One day I wandered into the parlor and I practically lived there every day when I wasn’t involved in something for initiation. I never really let on to what was going on with me or how bad it got and Tori never pressed. Just being there helped and I think she knew that. I wouldn’t say I was working there, because that wasn’t technically allowed, but I was helping out. From designing things once Tori and Bud found out I could draw to helping stock or clean, I learned the ropes and was even thinking about taking up the tattoo gun when initiation ended.

I figured I would probably get a good enough rank for that at least.

When I ranked sixth, Tori was the one that urged me to try for something better. She knew that one of my passions and eventual goals in Amity had been to be one of their healers. I had hoped to try and bring in more than what the faction normally allowed for treatments but that had been more of a long-term goal for me then. When I left, I just accepted that wasn’t going to be in the cards for me but Tori made me rethink it and go for the position that was open in the clinic.

She believed in and supported me when I needed her and that the most.

“Devi, Devi, Devi.” She sighs out my name while shaking her head.

By this time I’ve already changed into the shirt, taken the pills and drank most of the water before I had to lay down when the spinning threatened me again.

She runs a hand over my hair softly and worry mars her brow. “What have you done?”

I smile faintly as I remember the night and my triumph. “I told Four off!”

Tori’s hand pauses in mid-stroke of my hair and her eyes widen. Then a smile curls her lips and she laughs softly. “Of course you did.”

“Eric caught me when I fell and then Four tried to tell me I shouldn’t go with him, but I told him off again.”

“Did you now? Twice in a row. No wonder.” I frown in confusion but she’s just smirking at me. “I’m sure he doesn’t even realize it isn’t going to be as easy as he thinks.”

I shrug still not understanding but not up to figuring it out. “I _have_ to close my eyes now or I can’t promise I won’t make a Pollock painting of your carpet.”

“Eww.” Tori groans and gratefully grants my request.

I hear her shuffling away and the light that was on in the room clicks off, making the dark behind my eyelids even darker. I let out a blissful moan and reach up to put the heels of my palms over my eyes and gently put pressure on them. Hoping the spinning will stop soon.

It does eventually seem to slow down and I can feel that kind of unconsciousness that happens when I’ve overindulged. Some would call it a blackout but that’s not what happens for me this time. As the spinning slows images start to stream by, some I can’t make out at all and others I can make out but they make no sense whatsoever.

Like the feather duster and the extremely short, frilly black and white dress……..

* * *

 

 


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Devi's confrontation in The Pit. What will happen when she comes face to face with the two men the next morning.

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own plot and OC's**

* * *

 

**Part 2**

 

There was pounding.

That’s how I wake up. To pounding. That and to a bright light being directed straight at my face as curtains are ripped away from a window somewhere in the room.

I grab the nearest item that can help me make the evil light go away and muffle the pounding in my head, then stuff it over my head. It’s promptly ripped away and then my senses are being offended by something else.

“Oh no, you don’t! If I have to deal with his rampaging, and judging by the sound of that knock I will be, then you sure are too. You don’t get to play the hangover hell card here when I’m up well before I even need to be!”

During this onslaught, of what felt like a banshee shrieking, I managed to get my eyes open and focus through the blinding light to see Tori hovering over me. Once she was done shrieking whatever she had to say at me she was gone in a whirl and I could only watch her bleary-eyed as I tried to figure out what the hell is going on right now.

Obviously, I ended up at Tori’s, but I have no clue how the hell that happened.

I’m still laying there, looking around as she wrenches her door open and stands there for a second in silence. While she greets whoever is at the door, I continue to look for clues as to what led me here.

I’m on her couch.

The coffee table has a bottle of pain relievers and a glass of water that hasn’t been finished.

There’s a bucket beside the couch too.

So, I got drunk, obviously, and it was enough that she thought I was going to be sick. Which hardly happens, but then again, I hardly drink like that.

“Is she here?” I barely register the angry words from the other side of the room as I dig in my mind for answers.

I remember that my friends started the night out with me. The plan was to let _me_ be the one to get drunk out of my mind for once in my life so that I could forget for a little bit what had me so livid I was spitting mad.

_So, where were those friends that were supposed to have my back and how did Tori get involved?_

A shadow falls over me and I look up to see who it might be, because I know instantly, that this is not Tori but whoever was pissed off enough to be knocking her door down. When I see the person my mind switches gears in trying to figure events out.

_Better question, Nunez. Why is Four staring at me like he doesn’t know whether to hug me or slap the crap out of me?_

“Uh oh,” I mutter with wide eyes as small and distant parts of the night filter through the pounding that’s still going on in my head. I raise up slightly on my elbows and pull the blanket back up that slipped slightly at the action.

“Well at least he wasn’t lying about this,” Four mutters darkly as he looks over me and squints down at me. “You don’t remember a thing about last night, do you?”

“Muy poco,” I reply with a sheepish shrug and wince before laying back down and covering my eyes with the throw pillow from the couch.

“You know I don’t understand when you…”

“She said very little and you aren’t going to get more out of her if she is going to Spanish, Four. Look, I don’t know what she did and I don’t care, but you’re going to cut her some slack, yeah?” Tori had that tone in her voice, the one that left no room for misunderstanding. The words were a request but it’s more like a threat.

Telling Four he better or he would deal with her.

“Fine. We’ll be talking later, Devi. You can’t just do that to a leader in the middle of…”

“Oh, ahora arrojas el estado de tu líder. No ... aw shucks, solo hago lo que puedo ahora ¿verdad?” I grumble into the pillow and tune out what he’s saying.

The night after I left work might be a blur, but not everything that happened before that. Remembering it brings a fresh wave of everything I left feeling.

Angry, frustrated, grief-stricken and so damn full of guilt.

“Just go Four. I’ll talk to her.” I hear her tell him after he finally finished his mini-lecture. He goes without another word leaving only the sound of their moving away towards the door and finally it closing.

For a time, it’s quiet in the apartment, with faint sounds of Tori moving around in the kitchen. The silence brings me the time I need to gather my strength and courage for the hell moving from this couch is going to be. I clench my eyes shut as I brave moving the pillow from them. I slowly open my eyes and move to sit up even slower. I succeed in sitting up straight without dying but my head is killing me and making me feel like I want to. I spot the pills again and grab the bottle to shake out a couple then use the rest of the water from the glass to swallow them quickly.

Next, I use a little trick I know from doing adjustments and massages of applying pressure to certain areas that can help to relieve tension or pain. I concentrate on areas along my scalp, neck, and face. This isn’t going to be _much_ help with a hangover but it can help some.

The rest of my recovery is going to be time, my dark room, and comfy bed. I groan as I stand slowly, thinking that I’m thankful I at least didn’t pull this stunt on a day I had to work. I join Tori in the kitchen area where she is currently brewing her favorite tea by the smell of it. She moves like liquid with her silk robe swishing around her. She glances at me as I gingerly slide into a stool, wincing and moaning.

“Eric will be here shortly so you might want to get that tea,” She says and places a cup in front of me then whirls around when the toaster pops up to snatch it out and onto a plate “...and that toast in your system before getting cleaned up.”

I frown and reach to where she has butter and honey already on the counter. “Jeez, Tor. I didn’t realize you had guys coming over for morning house calls now.” I spread the butter onto the still-warm toast and watch as it melts then pause and look at her when I realize whose name she just said. “When did you and Eric become a thing, or is this a rekindling of it?” My lips tilt slightly in a smile and I resume applying butter and honey.

Tori glares at me as she slides onto a stool and lowers her cup. “You know very well those rumors were short-lived and untrue.” She snorts and shakes her head as she raises her cup back to her lips. “Dauntless is just one big ball of gossiping old women.”

I smirk and take a sip of the tea slowly. “Yeah, but it was funny while it was going around. Who was it that started the rumor again?”

Tori groans and shrugs. “Who’s usually at the center of pranks and gossip around here? Pick a Pedrad they were both equally as guilty, deciding to play Chinese whispers using mine and Eric’s names.”

I laugh then grab my head and wince. “Fuck! I really have to remember why I don’t drink in the future.”

“About that...tell me what happened. I need to know to be able to handle whatever drama is going to happen between Eric and Four from this.”

I frown as I look into the cup, drumming my fingers against it and searching my fragmented memories of the night for anything about Eric. Finally, I shrug and answer.

“Look, I’m drawing a complete blank here as to why Eric would even be involved in this at all. I was pissed as hell at Four about what happened with Rain,” I said meaningfully to Tori and she nods and motions for me to continue “...my friends decided to take me out to blow off some steam and have a few drinks. I vaguely remember that I spoke to Four about it but I don’t even remember what I said. I don’t remember Eric being there or involved at all. Even if he were there, I don’t really see him giving a shit that I said anything to Four. Hell, he would have probably been amused about it. So, you tell me why he would be coming here if it isn’t to see you?”

A slow grin spreads across her face and she shakes her head at me. “I don’t think so. I think I’m going to sit back and watch all this unfold.” She laughs at my confused expression and motions with her hand to my cup. “Drink up, time is ticking.”

Then she sets her cup of tea down with a chuckle and swishes away from me into her bedroom, her silk robe billowing out behind her.

The tone of her voice, the words, and her smile all have chills of foreboding going down my spine. Tea had sounded good but what is sounding better is the idea of me getting there hell out of here fast.

I couldn’t be good that Eric is coming here for me specifically. I mean, what could have him so pissed off at me?

_Seriously, what happened to my friends having my back!_

I do take a few gulps of tea as I make my way over to where I spotted my discarded dress, heels and clutch laying in a heap beside the couch I slept on. At least I have the purse and its contents. That means I have a way to get into the apartment if my roommate isn’t there to let me in. With the way I’m feeling right now, she better not be there.

There is no way in hell that she wants to deal with the aftermath of leaving me to do the walk of shame while hungover as hell and running from Eric for something I don’t even remember doing.

Tori’s shower water is turning off about the time I’m dressed and I scowl in irritation towards the closed door of her room. An idea hits me and I rummage around in my clutch and laugh giddily as I grab the lipstick.

I use it to scribble a note on her entryway mirror using the blood-red makeup. I give a nod of satisfaction and slip out of the door with a smile.

She had been so willing to leave me to deal with Eric on my own, was even looking forward to it. Well, let’s see how she likes being left high and dry with Supreme Leader Stick In the Mud.

 

* * *

  
I make it into my apartment and have every intention of showering, taking more medicine while getting more water in me, then passing out again in a darkened room.

Work has other plans.

I’m dripping wet and wrapped in a towel when I hear my phone going off and I know from that first ring who the caller is. The ringtone is one that I have specifically for the extension in the clinic.

As usual, someone got called out to work medic with the patrols and I’m being called in to cover it.

Dauntless has few trained medics or nurses. Most of the nurses we have come from Erudite and they work set hours during the week and generally only a few of them at that, already leaving a shortage during the weekend. Should anything happen and even one single nurse not be able to make it in, things get backed up and in a hurry. Especially on a weekend. The patient turnover rate is insane.

I let them know I'll be in and am already pulling on my black scrubs as I say this. I toss my hair up into a messy bun, pull on the shoes that make being on my feet all day bearable; then grab my regular bag and rush out of the door within ten minutes of getting the call. I don’t even have time to stop and grab anything to eat or drink, and when I get there I hit the ground running.

Most of the time our clinic sees minor wounds coming in. Things caused from training injuries or even the entertainment fights that go on. Even most of those don’t have serious crap that happens. They are heavily regulated. Broken bones, head injuries, and split lips are all just par for the course and regular in Dauntless regardless.

There is a bar though, that serves a rougher crowd and allows some dirtier fighting. It is aptly named _Big Shots_ , the name coming about because that is what frequents there.

The big shots.

The big bad fighters that crave a little more in the action. It is the only place that fights can be wagered on and apparently last night business was booming.

“What the hell went on last night?” I growled out to my Med Aide. She's rushing beside me with charts that are filling her arms. Dauntless is mostly old school, preferring to use paper over electronics, but there are departments that are fully electronic.

My clinic isn’t one of them and not by my choice or preference at all.

“There was a bit of a brawl at the bar just before shut down a few hours ago. Not sure what happened but it was bad enough leadership was called in and had to bring some guards to sort things out.”

“Jesus,” I sigh and start taking a few of the charts and resign myself to a long day. “Well, let's get triage set up. Whatever is left over that hasn’t been gotten to yet will still go in order of priority. I know that we already had a few appointments for just regular visit crap. Those are going to have to be pushed back.”

She nods and gets bustling as I walk into the curtained off area where the first of many patients wait for me.

A story starts to unfold for me with each person I see.

There was indeed a brawl. The guy that had been the current champion of Big Shots got taken down, ending a four-month-long streak. Which, considering this is Dauntless, is pretty damn good. Anyway, this caused an uproar and things got out of hand when people claimed that it was rigged or he lost the fight on purpose. Either way, it got bad enough that both Eric and Four showed up to get it under control.

Some of the injuries I treated were from one or both of the leaders and it had me shaking my head. I have said before that the two of them are more alike then either one will admit. There are differences, of course. Major ones really, and this was really only going by what I had observed of the two during training or other various encounters. It came down to them having the same goals but just going about achieving them differently.

I don’t have time to reflect on more about either Four or Eric.

I don’t have time to wonder what Eric could want with me when he hadn’t seemed to even know I existed for all of the three years I've been here.

He certainly hasn’t seemed to care or consider the multiple requests I've submitted for the addition of things to the med services that Dauntless provides or even the requests for the much-needed equipment and supplies we are always short of. Thinking about that particular subject always fans the flames of temper but add it with my thoughts of Rain and her leaving, has made me into a simmering mess at the moment. Which was a really bad time to suddenly be faced with one of the objects of that anger.

I just opened the door of one of the private rooms with a chart in my hand. There was a knife wound to the ribs that would need to be stapled that had just come in. Whoever it was apparently had been part of the brawl but only just now strolled in. He also got himself bumped up to be seen immediately.

I blame the fact that I still have a lingering hangover, in addition to little sleep and no food, on completely missing who that most likely meant it would be. I doubt the few seconds of preparation would have helped me from coming to stop or the muffled squeak I cut off, thankfully.

Eric is leaning against the table in the room. Arms crossed over his chest and a pissed-off expression marring his normally emotionless features. His eyes narrow when I came in and they swept over me from top to bottom very quickly before reversing course and doing it one more time, but much more slowly.

“About time.” He drawled out but didn’t move and was still studying me leisurely. “I got your note. Cute. You’re lucky I had shit to do and didn’t come to find you sooner.”

“I….” I swallow and take a steadying breath then square my shoulders and lift my chin. “You aren’t the only one that had things to do. As you can see I'm busy handling that mess from Big Shots.” I wave my hand in the direction of the waiting room which is full at the moment. “Was there something medical you needed or was it just your pride that was wounded? Because I’m afraid I don’t have anything to help you with that.”

There goes my temper, making me talk out of my ass again. I was a little careless in how I’m talking to the feared leader but I also know I’m the one in charge here. He might be a leader but the health and well being of faction members trumped whatever personal slight he might think he received.

I’m just waiting for an explosion. After all, he has and will always have a short fuse for disrespect. I never get one. What I get instead is a deep chuckle while he reaches down for the hem of his shirt then starts a slow lift.

It’s impossible to deny the man has a spectacular body. It’s also impossible for me to deny that Eric has been the subject of a few fantasies of mine in the past. There was and always has been a passing attraction or fascination with him for me. But after a few years of it being made clear that there wasn’t a chance he would look my way it was also something I moved on from.

_So you thought._

Going by the way my body starts to tingle in the slightest and it felt like the temperature in the normally cool exam room seemed to get significantly warmer as I watched him slowly ease his shirt up, it’s clear I might still harbor some of the fantasies for the man.

He's moving extremely slow and I feel a flash of irritation at that thinking he's doing it on purpose. Until I notice that Eric is wincing, even as slight and barely noticeable as it is, letting me know this isn’t some kind of show or cocky tease on his part. He’s actually hurt in some way. I move immediately and without thought. My hands push his away and I whip the shirt off and over his head. Accomplishing this is rather a feat because I have to do a very slight jump from my tiptoes.

_Damn my height._

He mumbles thanks while I’m already looking him over.

He’s definitely my knife wound. Thank god it looks to be more of a slash instead of the knife actually stabbing into his side, but even that is bad enough. Whoever it was used one of the serrated blades and it left the flesh a jagged mess.

“Table.” I hiss out the order with narrowed eyes, evaluating what will need to be done and what I will need, then I spin on my heel to start gathering everything.

“You are a _bossy_ little thing aren’t you?” He mutters behind me but I hear him sliding on the table, so he at least followed the order. “Can you take orders as well as you give them?”

I’m turning back towards him as he says this with a cocky smirk and tone full of innuendo. I carefully ignore both and move back to the table then lay out all the supplies to the side of him. I take another inspection of the wound. It looks like he might have tried to clean it up before coming in, maybe even started to stitch himself back up as well but thought better of it. All he ended up doing was making it bleed and tearing the edges a bit more. He’ll need to be cleaned up again and I'll need to make sure there isn’t anything in the wound before I can start patching him back up.

I started to prep a needle for anesthetic but he grunts out that he doesn’t need that shit.

“Okay, Dalton. Let’s see if that ‘ _pain don’t hurt_ ’ philosophy pans out for you.” I reply with an arched eyebrow and a smirk on my lips.

I shake my head with a smile I can’t help after he gives a full-on laugh and grins at me. “Well aren’t you just a fun-sized package of surprise. The question is, was it the remake or the original you watched?”

I scoff and move away to get something to clean the wound. “That isn’t a question. There's no replacing Swayze and Elliot.”

Once I’m away I take quiet slow breaths to get myself under control and to scold myself for letting him have any kind of effect on me. I use this time to prepare a small bowl with, not only the disinfectant soap I will need, but also add in a few things that will help with the healing of the wound and to keep infection at bay.

I go to the case that all of the private rooms have where certain supplies are kept under lock and key and quickly enter in my code. I pull out a few small vials and take them back to the bowl, then add them to the mix.

One vial is a mild numbing agent that I often use for the younger dependents when they have to come in and have their own wounds tended to. The other is a serum provided by Erudite and that I only use in cases where I know the healing process will need to be accelerated. Generally, I save them for gunshot wounds but Eric’s knife wound is bad enough that I feel justified in using the normally expensive serum.

_Sure, keep telling yourself that._

I scowl at myself and the thoughts in my head as I make my way back over to him with the bowl, an irrigation bottle, and a sponge.

I’m completely off balance right now and I want to blame it all on the night I had and my morning hangover but I can’t. Not when I feel Eric’s eyes on me the entire time I’m moving around the room. Not when being near him and feeling how he's looking down at me with such intensity as I start to work on him has thrown me so off that I've completely lost the ability to keep this impersonal and professional.

It isn’t just my choice of using the serum I usually reserve for much more serious injuries. It’s also the fact that I completely forgot to put on gloves before I started to tend to him. I don’t even realize this major blunder until I’m doing using the irrigation bottle to flush out the wound. I set it down and then pick up the sponge to do a light cleaning and notice that something is off.  It takes me a second to realize that my hands aren’t gloved as I run one of them along the bare skin of his ribs.

_Fuck! Well, it’s too late to put them on now._  

I avoid looking anywhere but at the area that I'm working on as I continue cleaning then patting it dry with gauze pads. Once I’m done with that I dump the bowl of water and make to put on gloves finally.

“No gloves.” Comes his gruff command as I'm about to slip one on, making me jerk my head up to look at him finally.

His eyebrow is raised but otherwise, there isn’t much of an expression on his face to tell me what the hell he’s thinking.

I put a hand on my hip and shake my head. “I’m afraid that I’m required to wear them if I’m going to have to close that wound. Unless you have some medical reason for not wanting me to wear them?”

Oh, Dios! Why in the hell did I say that? I know very well he doesn’t have one or it would have said it on the chart. And I just gave him an excuse and from the look of that slow wicked smile that’s crossing his face before he wipes it away and gives a nod….

“Yeah. Allergy.”

I hesitate for a second. I could call him on it but I decide not to. Calling him on that could bring about him calling me out and I don’t need that. I snort and push down the flutter I feel when I get close to him again. “Well, that must put a damper on your love life.”

Of course, I _would_ pick saying this when I’m between his legs. I curse myself for not being able to just let it go completely. One of his arms is raised over his head to allow me access but I feel his legs squeeze just a little bit. As if he knows I realize where I am and he isn’t letting me go.

“I seem to manage just fine.” His words are purred and made all the more unsettling because the other arm moves so that his hand is resting against my hip.

I have to bite my lip to manage not making another comment and choose to just ignore all of that and work.

I feel him taking a breath, holding it slightly and releasing slowly as I start to use the staples that I’m using to knit his flesh back together, but otherwise, he doesn’t make a sound.

That is until he decides to start talking.

“So what was all that about with Four? Last I checked, you’re pretty good friends with his little posse.”

I steal a glance at him and his expression but he isn’t looking at me. His forehead is wrinkled and he's looking straight ahead, eyes squinted slightly. I recognize what he’s doing. He’s trying to focus on something, anything, other than the pain.

_So the fearsome leader is human after all._

The thought that he’s feeling pain and that I’m causing it makes me frown. I shrug and hope that giving him what he needs will help some.

“I was…” I stop and squint while taking a breath. “Scratch that. I _am_ angry about what happened with Rain.”

“You’ve seen others leave or get cut before. So why was it different for you with her?”

“It isn’t like I love seeing it with the others. Even in our initiation when those two girls dropped out I didn’t like it.”

He huffs forcefully, causing me to look up and see he has an expression of dark anger. “You mean the girls that were also your terrorizers?”

I shrug not liking the memory of that or them really. I’m honestly surprised he even remembers that.

“I didn’t think we were going to be best friends and I would have been happy to never have to see them again. I still don’t wish being factionless on anyone, Eric.”

“Okay. I can…” He stops speaking and I shakes his head before going on. “No, I can’t get it. That’s not my style, but whatever. So, what made Rain the person that set you off on Four? Was it just something that was building for a long time?” Damn, he's persistent. I can tell I’m not going to get around telling him what upsets me so much about it. “Tell me, Devi.” He barks out the order.

“Because it could have been me okay!” I stop what I’m doing, slam the tool down on the table and try to shove away but his legs lock around me. “Rain was from Amity, Eric.” I put my hands on his legs to try and pry them from me but the damn things are like the jaws of a locked bear trap and I look ridiculous the longer I struggle.

I finally give up with a huff. Exhaustion pouring through me and I look up to find him studying me quietly.

“She told me that she only chose Dauntless because of me,” I whisper finally and see his look of surprise. “They talk about me there apparently. Talk about how I was the perfect Amity and that it was such a shame I left. She also said there was always a good amount of surprise that I made it through initiation. When her test came back Dauntless she wasn’t going to transfer. Then she remembered hearing about me and thought that if I could do it so could she.”

Understanding flashes in his eyes and he sighs heavily, his hold loosening on me a little as he looks away. “So everything you said to Four, was just because of you feeling guilty?”

I shake my head and trying to think back to what all I might have said. Faint remnants of it come forward.

“No,” I say softly and firmly. “I was and still am very angry at him. It wasn’t all guilt. I don’t remember everything I said, but whatever it was...I meant it. I don’t do it often, but when I get drunk I become more honest. Less likely to just hold it all in.”

“Hmm.” Is his only reply as looks down at me again, a slow small smirk appearing on his lips. “Good to know.”

That’s all he says and I squint waiting for something else but he just shrugs. I roll my eyes, look at his side and see I still need to finish. I pick up the stapler and resume my work. The silence in the room resumes while I work. The only sounds are his slightly more noticeable breathing, the hum of the fluorescent lighting and the click of the stapler as I work.

When I get to the last few ones that need to be done I feel his hand that’s on my hip move so that it just barely skims the hem of the scrub top. I don’t really register this or what he could be doing until I feel his fingers grazing bare skin and I realize he just slipped his hand under the material.

This causes me to jerk as I put the last staple in with much more force than I had been using.

He winces and curses but I don’t bother apologizing as I slam the tool down once again then push his hand away then yell at him.

“What the hell?”

He frowns at me and tilts his head. “You didn’t seem to mind last night when you were basically begging me to take you home?”

My stomach lurches into my throat and I shake my head.

_I wouldn’t have...would I?_

No! I’m sure I didn’t do anything like that. Yeah, I can be more aggressive when drunk but I also don’t go around throwing myself at random people!

_Eric isn’t exactly random though is he?_

I back away from him scowling and feel my heart in my throat as I see that, despite him letting me go, he is also following me closely. He slides off the table smoothly and matches me step for step. Catlike and advancing slowly and with a smirk.

“If that’s true then how did I end up at Tori’s?” I ask just as my back hits a cabinet.

“I know I’m a bastard and all, but even I won’t engage in sex with a drunk girl. What’s the point if she can’t sing my praises the next morning?” He gets in close as he replies in a soft voice. There is a teasing quality to his words, brushing off that he would be doing anything that can be considered good or noble.

“So you think it’s ok to just try to come to pick up something that you are _assuming_ I even wanted in the first place? Coming in here thinking that just because you lift your eyebrow my panties are going to get all wet and I’m just going to spread my legs for you? That might work for you with the other girls, but I’m nothing like they are.”

I spit the words out at him with venom. Hoping that they will piss him off and push him away so that he will turn around and walk out of here before I do something I know I'm going to regret. Whether that's slapping that smirk off his face or....somethings else...I'm not sure.

He doesn’t though. Instead, he moves in closer making my chest start to heave as my breathing becomes labored. The heat coming off his body seems to be shooting straight through my body and making me want to squirm. I claw at my willpower to keep it together as his nose brushes against me and he presses even further. I can feel the tip of his nose brush against the tip of my ear first and lose my breath as it starts to ghost down further.

This seems to take an eternity until his lips are near mine.

“I’m counting on that, little Devi.” He whispers this, just a hair's breadth away from my lips. My mouth goes dry with anticipation and despite my words, I think I really do want him to kiss me. “I’m very much looking forward to finding out exactly what you’re made of.”

He moves in and I feel the slight skim of his lips against mine before he pulls away. I sway forward a little because I had been following him to complete the kiss that never came. He smirks and steps back still looking at me as he rolls his bottom lip in, almost biting it before he turns away from me and walks over to the table to grab his shirt.

He whips it on while I feel like I want to slap the shit out of the smug look on his face. I stand with my back against the cabinet, just watching him with a growing scowl on my face. His jacket is laying over the chair in the room and he grabs that, revealing a brown paper bag that was underneath it. He grabs that bag up after pulling his jacket on and then walks back over to me.

The smirk is gone as he presses the bag into my hands.

“You’re right. You _are_ different. But there is no escaping _this"_ he uses one finger to move between the two of us, "or me now, little one.” He looks to the bag and smiles. “I expect you to eat all of that before you go see another person. Your staff will be informed that you’re busy.”

I start to tell him off for what he’s trying to do but he leans forward and before I can utter a word his lips seal around mine. It’s so fast and forceful that I don’t have time to process that it immediately has me mewling for more before he pulls back and turns towards the door.

He pauses as he gets the door open and looks over his shoulder, letting his eyes linger on me in a completely heated way. “I _will_ be seeing you very soon, Devi.”

The door closed behind him and I sunk to the ground right there.

My hand shakily presses to my lips as I try to figure out what the hell just happened.

_What the hell made Eric even look my way when he hasn’t before in all my years here?_

Remembering the bag I still have clutched to my chest I open it to find a sack lunch from one of the best delis here. My favorite deli. Not only that but inside is the sandwich I prefer made exactly the way I like it. Roast beef with extra pickles and spicy mustard.

_How does even know about that?_

It left me wondering if maybe Eric wasn’t as oblivious to my presence as I once believed?

  
  
  



	3. Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Devi is left reeling from her encounter with Eric but is it just the start of some elaborate game he has decided to play? Is she the prey or the pawn and will she be able to resist him even if she is?

**Disclaimer: This is still V Roths Tilt-A-Whirl and I am just the hack in the DJ booth trying to freestyle a remix!**

* * *

 

**Part 3**

 

I decided that I'm not going to eat the food Eric pushed on me. After he left, I felt fury flood me at how presumptuous he had been and that pushed aside any pleasant feelings I had when I opened the bag to peek inside.

I'm angry at my reaction to him.

I'm still furious at Four for letting Rain go.

My head is killing me and I'm completely exhausted.

I'm just pissed and grumpy in general. I walk out of that room, still clutching the bag, and fully intend to toss it in the trash then start back to work.

As soon as I get to the waiting room I see that most of it cleared out and that Kari is rushing towards me with wide eyes. They're darting between me, the bag, and then the cameras.

I grumble under my breath, already knowing what's coming. "What did he say to you?"

It's not Kari who answers her but Devon, the other aid on staff. "He said that if you didn't do what he said he would hold the two of us responsible. That he would be more than happy to arrange for an extended visit for one or both of us at the fence."

Kari is pale and shaking, confirming that everything Devon said is true. My fury explodes and I start muttering in a combination of English and Spanish. Mainly curse words.

_ I refuse to give in! I know there is no way he's going to get away with taking away the staff we need here at the clinic. _

I push past Devon and go to throw the bag in the trash but he stops me by pulling my arm back and scowling at me.

"Fine! If you're so dead set on seeing one of us being sent to the fence, at least I can see what the  _ mighty Eric _ brought to you. Better yet, I'll just eat it myself and then I can say I was treated to something by the man that never does anything for anyone other than himself."

He goes to actually grab the bag but this makes me snap and I punch him the gut before holding the bag, the one I was about to toss just seconds ago, close to my chest. "Culo! No one is touching this!"

He smirked through holding his stomach. "Told you." He said looking back at Kari.

"Told who what?" I snapped.

Kari shakes her head and raises her hands while still shooting glances at the camera. "Seriously though, could you just go eat, Devi? Go to the office and we can handle things while you are gone. You know you get all grouchy when you haven't eaten anyway."

I narrow my eyes but went ahead to the office. Kari isn't wrong and I can become a complete bitch when I haven't eaten.

Today is so much worse because I'm also hungover and tired as hell. I slam the office door and fling myself in the chair after tossing the bag on the desk. It doesn't take me long to give in to the temptation of the smells and the urgings of my growling stomach.

I tear into the bag then lunch eagerly.

It isn't just the sandwich, but also a bag of cheese crisps, a cake brownie, and then one of the whole dill pickles that are shipped in from Amity.

It’s all perfect food to fill me up and soak up the alcohol that I'm sure is still running through my system. For that reason, and that reason alone, I decided not to feel guilty about taking my time eating every bit of lunch.  There is also paperwork and charts that needed to be completed or filed, so I took this time to get that all done since I was already in the office.

In between bites, I worked happily and with the occasional hum of pleasure.

I hate the fact that my mood started to improve as I went along. When I emerged from the office I felt loads better but wasn't about to comment on it. The first time Devon cast a knowing smirk at me I sent him a glare that shut him up very quickly and sent him hustling to get the areas that needed it cleaned up.

The rest of the day was spent catching up with normal things.

Members or dependents that needed to be seen for one thing or another, but couldn't during the week, they always come in during the weekend for appointments. That makes my morning packed with those visits on top of anyone that might come in that hasn’t been scheduled. Things calm down eventually, but we still have to push people we didn't get to during the day to be seen tomorrow. Which means another of my days off will be spent in the clinic.

Shauna finally comes in to relieve me for the evening shift but I stay to help clean things up and go over the charts of the unlucky few that have an overnight stay with us ahead of them. She chatters the entire time.

What Tori said about Dauntless and gossip is completely true. The  _ 'head bitch' _ , although she herself would never be considered a bitch, in the gossip food chain is none other than my friend and co-worker. Her information is usually on point and reliable. She can usually call or predict something before it ever becomes official.

Part of that has to be because her fiancé and his brother are both working in Intel or work closely with leadership. Tonight she's going on about what had happened in the faction so far and the big story going on is about the brawl.

Turns out the former champ at Big Shots, Razor, did throw the fight in a way. He was wasted out of his mind and nowhere near the condition to handle the level of fights he was scheduled to face that night. The brawl happened when the refs, manager, and judges all made the decision that the wins were void and the fights would be scheduled for another night.

The people that won big were livid. The ones that were all for the rematches got pissed when the other group started calling them, and the champ, out for cheating in some way. Honestly, it sounded like even if he won there would have been an explosion of some kind. We’re all fighters after all, and it doesn't take much for us to want to get in on the action too.

In the middle of cleaning a room together, Shauna stops and looks over at me with a frown.

"Hey, you really should take off and get some sleep. You had a long night from what I heard and it isn't going to get better for you tomorrow."

I snapped up from making the bed and whip around to look at her. "What the hell does that mean?"

I already have dread running through me, and when she shrugs with a knowing smile, I know. I just  _ know _ .

"Something I heard but I'm not supposed to talk about. I  _ can _ tell you that tomorrow will probably be a long day for you."

If Tori and Shauna could be put side by side, at least the Tori from this morning and Shauna right now, their tones and smiles would be a complete imitation of the other.

"You can't say? Why?" I pop my hip out and my hand goes on it.

I might be tiny but I can be fierce if you piss me off enough and I'm right there at the edge with the only thing in my line of sight being Shauna. Friend or not it's tempting. I guess she recognizes this look enough and the smile drops.

"Look, I want to tell. I had every intention of telling you, actually. That's why he ordered me not too when he saw I was listening in to his conversation with Uri at lunch."

I don't even need to ask who gave that order. Her expression matches the one Kari had from earlier.

"Hijo de puta! Esto es un montón de mierda de caballo. Durante tres años, apenas sabe que existo, ¿pero ahora decide que merezco otra mirada?" I fume and stomp my foot in a huff.

I jerk around and finish making the bed.

"Sorry," Shauna says softly from the other side of the room. I wave that off and shake my head.

"Not your fault," I mutter with a sigh.

When the bed is made we make our way out of the room and she looks to me as I am gathering my things from the office.

"I don't think he didn't see you all those years, Devi." She calls to me softly as I was walking out of the room. "I don't know for sure, but sometimes I thought I caught him watching you. It's hard to know with Eric though."

I sigh wearily and smile back at her. "I'll see you in the morning. Thanks for the heads up."

I head home and grab something to eat after I take a much-needed bath. My roommate and friend Sadie apologized profusely for the night before.

It turns out they were there with me all along but when they tried to approach Eric when he was taking me from the pit, he turned his famous glare on them, warning them away. They hadn't dared to try and stop him after that. I would have told her off for not even trying, but it isn't worth my energy. I know all that would have done is get them on Eric's shit list.

By the time I finally crawl into bed I've gone into denial mode and coming up with anything that could be causing Eric's behavior besides what my body is telling me it might be.

This was all just an amusing distraction for him. Sadie told me what happened and how Four also tried to get me away from Eric. This is his way to get back at Four after he tried to keep me from Eric in the Pit. Eric knew it would be a button he could push on Four and had done that.

Come tomorrow he'll be bored of it and move on to some other much more willing victim.

He doesn't really have any interest in me and I refuse to let myself feel any kind of hurt about that realization.

Tomorrow I'll wake up, go to work, and then go out with my girls.

Maybe I'll even take Ash up on that offer to hang out. I could use a pick me up.

I go to sleep feeling more confident and with a smile on my face.

But there is the faint thought that if there is real interest, Eric is about to get another wound to that overinflated ego of his.

 

* * *

 

  
  


The morning dawn once again and way too soon for my liking.

Over my morning coffee, I send off a few texts to make plans for that night.

Sadie, Vera, and AJ are all willing. Even Lynn said she could be counted in for a few drinks and dancing. I also send one to Ash telling him where I would be for the night. If he wants to stop by, have a few drinks and maybe dance he's more than welcome too.

Ash is someone I see from time to time.

He works patrols and has a rotating schedule where he's out of the compound for two weeks before coming back for two.

We've never tried for anything serious between us for various reasons. Some of it’s because of our schedules and dedication to our jobs, but that isn't all of it. We are honestly more just friends with the occasional side of benefits. We don't always hook up when we hang out though.

It's just nice to have someone to cuddle or dance with without them being a total creep. Just someone to have fun with, be myself, and not worry about either of us wanting more than we are capable of providing.

I don't expect him to be up to reply right away, neither of us expects the other to drop whatever we might be doing just because we call, but he does and he happily agrees to meet me for the night. It will be his last night to out before he goes back on rotation.

There is a pep in my step as I head out to work. I even stop by the combination deli and bakery to pick up some treats for me and the others.

I have to be careful how often I do this, but I've never been one to try and deny myself just because of what someone else thinks will be bad for me.

It's nice to be able to get things like muffins, cake or other baked goods again now that I don't have to worry about them being dosed with peace serum. It took a while for me to be able to eat anything even remotely close to bread once I got to Dauntless. They don't talk about what happens to the people that have been living on that mierda.

The day of my choosing ceremony my family made a big breakfast for me. I didn't give it a thought when I was eating my fill of sweetbreads right along with the fruit they had that morning. They were both normal things for our meals, and we had sweetbreads at least a few times a week. Mi Abuela loved to bake and garden. Those had been her pleasures, so there was always something for us to eat from that.

I've always wondered if they knew what would happen to me that first week of being in Dauntless.

Wondered if my family had known, as I loaded up on the bread, that once I left there I would suffer. Did they know I would go through something called withdrawal? Did they think it was only right that I go through hell for betraying them and leaving?

I don't want to believe that they would do that to someone they loved, but I have my doubts about their love because of that suffering. Someone had to know that living for so long on a drug-induced set of false feelings would throw me off so badly. Someone had to know that I would struggle with trying to deal with all of the feelings that I had never been  _ allowed _ to deal with on my own before.

Initiation would have been hell on anyone but a girl with my physicality coming from Amity made it a certainty. Adding that I had the emotional stability of a pubescent teen and it just amplified that.

It took me almost an entire year before I would even touch something with bread in it at all.

_ Have I mentioned how much I love bread and sweets? _

That by itself was enough to make me completely moody, especially when all around me the Dauntless cake was taunting me. I may have punched someone once when they seemed to take pleasure in teasing me while they slowly ate their cake across from me at dinner once.

Uriah Pedrad still won't eat cake if I'm around.

Keri and Devon fall on the donuts and muffins once I make it into the office. This is where we gather every morning to be debriefed by the night staff on everything that happened during the night and the status of anyone staying.

It's another busy day for me. All the appointments or people that got turned away and told to come back yesterday are expected today. Some of the ones left over from the mess the brawl created came back during the night, so thankfully most of that mess was taken care of by the night crew. There are a few walk-ins with cuts or broken bones but none of the crap that I was seeing yesterday morning.

Overall, while work does keep me busy, I'm still holding onto the good mood I woke up in. It's looking like I'm going to get out earlier than I expected, and since this is supposed to be my day off anyway, it just improves my mood even more.

So much so that I almost forget about yesterday completely.

I mean, I've only daydreamed about that kiss and Eric a  _ few _ times today, so I think I'm doing pretty good.

The last appointment of my day is a young dependent. It's just a simple one, being seen for a persistent cough and congestion that turned out to be an ear infection.

We don’t have a doctor on staff from Erudite and while I  _ am _ qualified for many things, there are some of them that are just beyond me.

Instead of sending a doctor over, we have a computer station that has a scanner along with other various places where we can put in any blood draws or other things of that nature. That allows us to send and receive information to staff over at the Erudite hospital. It’s fairly old and can take an absurdly long time, so it becomes fairly useless in true emergencies. For simple cases like this, it works fairly well. I send over a few cultures, a blood draw and a scan of her chest for the doctor to look at and diagnose.

With a shot of antibiotics and a script for a syrup to help with a cough, I send the little girl and her mom on their way. As I'm doing a clean up of the room they were in Kari comes rushing in with a harried look in her eyes.

"He's here." She says simply and with no need to elaborate who  _ ‘he’ _ is.

I huff and close my eyes tightly, my good mood going right out of the window. "Any idea what he wants?"

I open my eyes and roll them when I see her horrified expression. Like it was horrifying to her that I even  _ suggested _ she try and ask him what he wanted. So I shove past her and make my way out into the waiting room, but Eric isn't there.

Devon points the office and then the nerves hit. I was hoping he would stay out in the open here in the waiting room where I wouldn't have to be alone with him. Which is probably exactly why he went into that office.

I groan quietly at this realization before determination sets in and I grit my teeth and give myself a short internal pep talk. I push my shoulders back and walk into the office with as much of a calm and uncaring demeanor as I'm capable of pulling off right now.

Eric is sitting behind the desk and has a file in his hands with a few others laid out in front of him and with his feet propped up on the desk. He looks way too at home in the place I consider my domain, for my liking. That calm demeanor snapped straight out of the window. I slam the door and put a hand on my hip as I glare at him.

"Did something happen to the staples? One pop out of place or something?"

He looks up from the file in his hand and smirks. "Nope. They're still intact." He tilts his head and that infuriating smirk gets wider. "Sorry if that ruins your hope for getting my shirt off again. Although, if you ask nicely enough…."

I sputter and glare at the gall of the man. "Hate to burst your ego but that was the furthest thing from my mind."

Mentira! As soon as he said it, that’s all I wanted.

I walk closer and shove the feet he has propped up on the desk off then go to snatch the file in his hand away. He jerks it back and makes a tutting noise.

"Leaders have full and complete access to any and all data or files." The smirk is gone though his words are full of it.

"What do you want, Eric?" I snap at him.

"I looked at your personnel file," He states simply, putting the file down he was reading and I get a good look at it for the first time.

This one isn't my personnel file but the one I have full of my proposals and requests for the clinic from over the last few years. I frown at that and his statement trying to connect the two and my tangle of thoughts.

"Okay?"

"You haven't taken part of the yearly physical training and assessments yet. In fact, you didn't for last year either."

I sigh tiredly and rub the back of my neck. "Eric, I don't know if you’ve noticed or if you even care, but the clinic is running on a tight budget and limited staff. Most of the people qualified to do the things beyond basic aid are Erudite, and they are only here for eight hours of the day. Those hours are early ones that most of the people in Dauntless aren't even awake for half the time, not to mention they aren’t here on weekends. Patrol medics have to come from somewhere and the weekends that takes them from the small staff we have here. I guess it isn't surprising you don't know this considering any and all requests I’ve made are either rejected out of hand or just ignored.  _ Perdóname _ if I don't make it into  _ maldito _ training when I'm too busy stitching up or setting bones for everyone else who is able to."

Eric starts tapping his fingers on the table, his jaw clenched and looking around. He stands and grabs the file he was looking at before he turns his cold eyes on me. "Follow me."

I've probably pushed my luck just once too often with him while I was unloading my anger and frustration. In fact, I'm sure of it as he stomps to the door and rips it open, then stalks out. I can hear him barking something to Devon and Kari but not what. I scramble to grab my bag, just in case I need it, and follow after him. Both of the staff are looking at me with worried eyes but they make no moves to say anything or help.

They couldn't help even if they tried to be honest.

I follow after Eric but he stops at some point and waits for me to catch up to him. "You might be short on staff but I can't excuse missing the training. I especially can't excuse missing the assessment. Normally, you would need to do it with one of the qualified staff, and during their hours, but that isn't going to work, obviously." He pauses in speaking even as we are walking and glances over at me. "So, I’m going to take that on myself. We'll be starting with weapons at the firing range today. You won't need to change into workout clothes for now, but I  _ will _ expect you to have some on you for when we next train."

My fists are clenched at my side as I walk beside him. There is a tiny part of me that's thrilled with this development while the majority of me is pissed at being dictated to like this.

I bite my lip and decide to pick my battles. 

Eric’s right and the reason for the lapse in training doesn't really matter. Here in Dauntless, it is expected and the standard unspoken rule is you  _ always _ make time for training.

We don't go right to the gun range.

First, we stop by his office where he deposits the file on top of his desk. I immediately know I'm never going to see it again and am thankful I have backups of all the information on my laptop.

His desk seems to be one big pile of paperwork. Organized piles, but still.

The desk has a towering stack of files in a tray with a label indicating they still need to be looked over and a matching stack of ones that have the label indicating they are complete. It would take counting each one to know which one has more as they seem to be at the same level.

I don't know what he intends to do with my file but I have a feeling it's just going to get shoved in with one of those enormous stacks and get lost.

I do feel a tinge of pity that he seems to be swamped with work.

I guess I never really wondered what it's like for any of the leaders. Tori never complains, and that isn't something Four is likely to do either. I just always looked at the power they hold along with the perks that come with holding that position, and never considered what needed to be done behind the scenes. Logically I know there is work, but I never considered they would be as buried under as it appears he is.

"Is that always like that?" I ask as I wave towards his desk. Eric unlocks a cabinet at the back of the room and starts pulling out things.

He glances at me and then to where I'm indicating and shrugs. There is a tiredness that etched itself onto his face for just a second before it's gone just as quickly to be replaced by a slight scowl. "It's usually worse."

I frown as my eyes wander over the file names, reading them quickly and seeing that some of the labels are things I would think would be taken care of someone else. "So why don't you have an assistant or something to help?"

"You aren't the only one that has to deal with budget cuts and short staff, Devi. We have the same issues up here. Everyone thinks it will be such a fucking cakewalk to work in leadership or as one of the assistants. Then they get a face full of reality and we find out they aren't cut out for it and have to find someone else or do without."

I should feel ashamed of my words to him earlier but leadership could at least explain that to their departments. Especially ones that are so vital to the faction.

"I didn't know," I start out saying then narrow my eyes at him when he snorts and is probably about to make some smart ass comment. "That could be solved by someone just telling us all this." I wave again but this time between the desk and him. Making it clear I'm meaning him specifically.

It turns out he had been pulling out his handguns. Now he started to slip those into holsters he had on his hip and thigh after checking them. "Would it have made any difference if we had? Knowing that we have little in the way of budget to work with and even less staff?"

I put my hand on my hip and frown while looking down slightly. "Of course. That would have been much better than thinking I've been ignored for the last three years."

I glance back up briefly but quickly look away and blush when I realize how hurt my tone sounded and I caught the flicker of something in his eyes as he caught it too. Eric came closer until he is standing right in front of me. He reaches out a hand and uses his fingers to gently grip my chin and raise my head until I'm looking him in the eyes once again.

"Devi,  _ you _ were never ignored." He says softly while he runs his thumb over my lips lightly then drops his hand along the soft expression in his eyes and sighs. "Circumstances have had my hands tied until recently. We're working to make up for everything the previous leaders did to destroy the faction."

I nod when his eyebrow raises, seeming to ask if I understand, but can't find the words to reply. I don't trust my voice to speak because of the fluttering in my stomach. It seems good enough for him and he moves to the door, holding it open for me to pass through first before closing it behind him. He sets a brisk pace but not one I'm unable to keep up with. Soon we are entering into the gun range.

The people in the gun range at the moment look at us curiously as we pass. A few of the guys I know from their frequent visits to the clinic, and they start to wave or smile at me. They stop immediately and turn away quickly after a glare from Eric.

He sets us up about as far away from everyone else as he can get while still being in the same room.

It's clear any and all focus is going to be put on me and he isn’t going to tolerate any kind of distractions or interference. I found out it’s entirely possible to be in a large room full of other people and activity and it still feels like I am completely alone with Eric.

This just ramped up my nerves that were already frazzled.

It's also obvious that my lack of training has clearly affected my aim. Something he's all too quick to point out, rather gleefully, and then insisted on physically correcting me while informing that my performance is so abysmal that he might as well start me out like he would a beginner.

That's about how the next two hours progress, with him acting as if I've never even held a gun. He has been pressed against me, or at least uncomfortably close, almost the entire time. Shoving me this way or that. Pressing his legs between mine to correct my stance or wrapping his entire top half around mine while he stands behind me.

He also won’t shut up!

He keeps assaulting me with question after question. When I said something about it, snapping out that I didn’t realize he had so many words in his vocabulary, he just grinned wickedly and said he’s just testing my ability to maintain my skill through distractions and then continued on.

He spent the next hour or so grilling me about anything from my life in Amity before I transferred all the way up to my life now, my friends and things I do with them.

_ "You said you were considered the perfect Amity. Why did you transfer if you were happy there?" _

_ "You never wondered how you were able to kill chickens? I mean come on that had to be a red flag right there." _

_ "How often did you find a wild horse beyond the fence?" _

_ "Did you really spend that long out of the fence on those trips?" _

_ "How did you get into healing if you worked with animals?" _

_ "How can working with animals and their recovery be compared to a person?" _

_ "Explain all this massage and herb therapy crap. I don't get why it is such a big deal or help." _

_ “Are you actually friends with your roommate, because I remember her being in our initiation and never saw her talking to you?” _

_ “How did Lynn end up in your circle of friends?” _

_ “So, you aren’t all that close to Number Boy?” _

_ “You dance? Where do you go?” _

On and on the interrogation went, and all while he's physically distracting me as well.

Between the verbal and physical invasions going on, I quickly become exhausted. By the end of the two hours, I reach the end of my patience.

It's when the questions start to get slightly more personal and trying to pry into past relationships, that it snaps completely. I start responding in sarcasm and Spanish.

Eric just looks amused while his hands start to do things along my back and hips and I realize that I've only been speaking in Spanish for the last thirty minutes of that time and Eric understood every word, even if he only responded back in English.

"Alright, we're done here for the night." He says, stepping back abruptly after having just been brushing his fingers down my neck while his breath tickled my ear. "Let's go to the mess hall and get dinner."

I watch as he holsters the gun and let out a frustrated puff of air while calling him every kind of bastard I can in my mind. I can't decide if I want to turn around and slap him or push him against the wall and relieve all this frustration he’s built up in me.

The first one I dismiss, because even I am not loca enough to slap a leader, and definitely not  _ this _ one.

_ There is still the second option. _

I snort quietly and shake my head, dismissing that. I’ll just need to find another way to relieve this frustration because there is  _ no way _ it’s happening with Eric.

My plans for the night flash in my mind suddenly. Hair from my ponytail came loose at some point during Eric’s pawing at me and has fallen in my face. I shove some of the hair back from my face and start to grin then look at Eric as he finally faces towards me after cleaning up our area.

I flash a smug smile at him as I shake my head then grab my bag up. “Thanks, but no thanks. I have plans for the night already.”

“Plans?” Up until my statement, he had been wearing his own smug smirk after stepping back and seeing how flushed I was. That smirk drops as soon as I shoot him down. His eyes move over me cooly but then he just gives me a slight shrug of his shoulders. “Cancel them then.”

His tone is so fucking flippant and as if he’s presumming this would be what is  _ obviously _ going to happen.

I let out a scoffed laugh. “No. I don’t think so. I’m meeting up with my girls for drinks and dancing before Lynn goes back out on patrol rotation.”

“Your girls, huh?” He drawls slowly while narrowing his eyes and looking me over slowly before his eyes meet mine.

We spend the next few seconds in a stare off and I think he might be waiting for me to back down and just go along with him.

_ Clearly, he has learned nothing about me. _

Then he surprises me by shrugging casually and gives a small nod of acceptance. “Okay. Just remember what I said though and be prepared for me at any time, little one.”

I ignore the flush of warmth at his nickname for me and narrow my eyes.

He’s up to something. I know it. But whatever is going behind those blue eyes of his is a mystery. I just know there is an intensity to him that makes me want to lick my lips and return the action of looking him up and down like he just did me. It’s so strong that it makes me whip around instead and sashay my ass out of there as fast as possible.

“Will do, Sir!” I toss over my shoulder to him with a grin.

His chuckle after seemed to follow me for the entire walk to my apartment. It sounded like more than just a laugh or simple amusement.

It was dark, rich, and raspy. Like it held a promise of something to come.

Something that shouldn’t have my nipples going hard or my knees going weak. But it did and I think I knew then that I am well and truly fucked.

* * *

 

 

“Damn! You  _ are _ going all out tonight.” Lynn says as she looks me over and walks further into my bathroom where I’m still getting ready.

I’m already dressed, other than my chosen heels for the night, but I’m putting the final touches on my make up. I smile at her through the mirror and lean over the bathroom sink and counter to get closer to the mirror so I can swipe the mascara on in a way that it won’t clump the eyelashes together.

“Damn straight,” I finally reply to her then quickly finish with the other eye.

I put my makeup down and step back to take a look at myself in the floor length mirror on the other wall, turning this way and that to get a better look.

I wouldn’t say that I don’t dress up when we go out, but I don’t usually go all out like I am tonight. Most of the time I’m wearing something a bit more relaxed. Like the other night, my dress was just a simple black dress; long sleeved and with a slightly rounded neckline that went to just above my knees and had a tiny slit on the right side. It was just the right amount of casual and sexy. Something I threw on right after work and used my new shoes to add spice and color to the mix. I didn’t even do anything with my makeup or hair really other than fixing my ponytail and adding a bit of lip gloss.

Something about tonight seemed to call for a bit more….well, everything. Something a bit more...Dauntless...and daring.

I left my hair down tonight and let it fall into my natural waves, but added a little product to smooth the hair and make it slightly shiny. My lipstick is a wicked red color and I lined my eyes so that the chocolate brown looks a bit more sultry. I have the same shade of red on my finger and toenails that I used for my lipstick.

My shorts are a little shorter and my cleavage a little more revealed than I would normally display.

The outfit is almost all black in color. The top is a deep v-neck silk wrap top that I have to tape down to make sure the sides stay in place and I don’t ending up flashing everyone since I’m not wearing a bra underneath. I have that tucked into the black silk shorts that provide me full coverage of the assets...my ass...but mold to it nicely.

To add some color, and to break up the black and highlight my waist, I added a wide belt made of silver metal that is thick enough to draw attention to the waist and what I consider my best feature, my butt.

The real feature of the outfit is my shoes.

As always they are high heels, four inches, but the style is a roman sandal with leather straps that go all the way up to the knees. I sit on the toilet to slip those on and secure all the little black leather straps.

Lynn has her arms crossed over her chest and is shaking her head at me with a knowing grin.

She knows this look. This is my going out to get mine, look. When I’m feeling sassy and sexy and want to let loose.

“Well, let's go then. Did you eat something?” She frowns at me worriedly while I pop my lipstick into my clutch purse that already has my keys, phone, and some protection (in case I get lucky) in it.

“Yes, mami. I had a grilled cheese when I got home.”

Lynn rolls her eyes but chuckles and shrugs. “Well, that’s better than nothing. We can just order some bar food when we get there.”

I sigh but admit that’s a good idea. I don’t do well with drinks if I haven’t had anything too substantial to eat.

Lynn has a reputation for being hard, and she definitely can be, but we both have the habit of being the  _ ‘mothers’ _ for our group of friends. We’re the ones that usually make sure everyone doesn’t completely overdo it and that they make it home at the end of the night.

So, I would have normally heard something from her about what happened to me, but I guess since she knows I’m now dealing with Eric, she also figures I have enough torture ahead of me.

_ If she only knew. _

Sadie was waiting for the two of us in our living room while our other two friends that said they could make it, Vera and AJ, already headed over to the club to get us a place.

Vera is currently dating the guy that manages the bar we are going to tonight and managed to sweet talk him into setting aside one of the balcony areas that overlook the dance floor. Those spaces are usually reserved for officers and leaders in the extremely popular club, so it was a surprise when she messaged us earlier saying she managed to get us a spot.

This will be a treat, because normally we grab whatever spots are available on the lower level and pray there is enough seating. There never is.

We head out and talk as we go, catching up on what’s going on with each other along the way. Once we reach the club we spot the section Vera told us we would be at and can just faintly make her out waving at us from there.

I stick close to Lynn who seems to have this ability to make the crowds just kind of move for her with little to no effort, and in no time we’re across the already full dance floor and at the stairs. We quickly pass the guy that serves as a guard that makes sure no one gets up there that isn’t supposed to.

The upper level is amazing and has a very polished look to it while the lower levels seem to go with a raw kind of approach to decorations. There are already other groups gathered in their own little lounges that we pass on the way to where our group is set up at the far end.

I slide onto the seat of one of the sleek black couches and take in our set up. There is a huge lighted table in the shape of a cube that alternates colors sitting in the center of the L shaped sectional and a collection of four arm chairs in dark red of the same material of the couch. On the table itself there are a few buckets filled with ice. Two of them have a bottle of a wine of some kind and the other two have juice. I reach forward and deposit my clutch onto the table and reach for a bottle, examining it and raising an eyebrow when I see that it’s a sparkling white wine from Amity. One that is very popular and is usually reserved for trade with anyone of the factions that wants it. Erudite is very fond of it and is known to be the one to buy it up after each production year.  

I raise my eyebrow at the bottle while looking over at my friend in question. Vera just giggles then shrugs. The pulsing music of the club can still clearly be heard but it’s not so overwhelming up here that we can’t hear each other talking.

“Blaine said they’re for us, so I guess he just wants to make sure we have a good time. It’s one of your favorites right? That wine from Amity?”

I shrug with a smile and start to crack it open but Lynn glares at me and slaps my hand away. “Food for all of us first before we start downing this.” She grabs it from me and shoves it back into the ice bucket.

“Oh good idea!” Sadie coos and then eyes the bar, more specifically the bartender, on this level. “I’ll just go order us some snacks.” She is already up and waggling her fingers at us before I can even tell her what I want.

“Ash is here.” AJ says as she comes up from dancing on the floor with some guy she’s decided is going to be her date for the night. “I told him we’re up here.”

“Thanks.” I reply with a smile and look around.

The club is amazing and has always been my favorite here. That might be because it was the first club I ever went to in Dauntless.

I always loved dancing back in Amity.

They would have days filled with music out on the open fields. Nights where we all just got together and danced with the stars and moon shining down on us.

I would drink and dance my ass off. Then I would go off somewhere with Vicente. We would spend hours more just touching each other or later on as I got older, making love. It’s hard to not be bitter after I realized that all of that was drug induced.

At the dances where all the young but of age were encouraged to attend, they served drinks laced with shit that I can’t even stomach the name of now. It wasn’t bad enough to be on peace serum all the time but they also gave us other things. I didn’t know that back then. It wasn’t until I got to Dauntless that I was informed about what I was exposed to and what it did to me.

It tainted all of those memories for me. Even the relationship with the man I had hoped to marry. It made me question how much of it was real and how much was the drugs.

After getting through initiation and becoming a member, I resisted going out. Still bitter and upset about so much of my previous life. Doing anything that was remotely similar to my old life was out of the question. I worked and went back to the apartment I shared with Sadie, refusing attempts to be friends or hang out with anyone.

I knew it was fear holding me back. Facing your fears in sims doesn’t make them go away, it just makes you super aware of them.

So I knew that I was afraid to get close to anyone but I was also afraid that I wasn’t able to get close to anyone or love them. Afraid that everything from my life in Amity, who I was, had been fake. Tori brought me out of that and said I wouldn’t know if I didn’t try. Was I Dauntless enough to do that? Of course I couldn’t back down from her challenge.

So, one night I got dressed up and found myself standing in Club Onyx for the first time.

It’s a literal cave. Stalagmites and stalactites can be found everywhere. The ceiling is high enough up that at places it disappears into the dark. The walls are mostly the natural stone of the cave, but in other places it’s smoothed out to make way for different decorations, furniture or built in rooms, like the restrooms.

I’m told there are little nooks and crannies all over the place that people like to go and explore. Tori once said there is some type of water in one of them, a grotto she called it. I haven’t explored the big cavern yet so I haven’t discovered if that’s true or not for myself.

The club is a cross between the primal aspect that defines Dauntless and the tech and polished aesthetics from Erudite. That means it has lights, sounds systems, and other little luxuries that make it easier to let go and enjoy.

I enjoyed myself so much that first time. I found my rhythm again and danced long into the morning hours with Tori. Since then, I love to come back here when I can.

Ash finds us just as Sadie comes back with a smirk and a drink. She informs us the food will be here shortly. I pour myself out a glass but at a look from Lynn, I also add some of the juice that was in another bucket being chilled.

I sip my drink and laugh along with the others as we talk over the music. The food is delivered by the bartender, who then joins Sadie. Now we all have partners to dance with. Even Lynn called in one of her girlfriends to be with her tonight.

I can never go right into dancing. I’m not sure why this is, but I always have to have at least a drink before I feel relaxed enough to let go. Tonight it seems to take more for me to be loose enough, and I draw it out by eating and talking with Ash or the others when they make their way back to us.

If he’s picking up on how I’m even more nervous than usual he doesn’t say. We just talk and catch up, comfortable enough with that and each other, that it isn’t awkward at all. Even when he brings up Eric.

“So I hear Eric is breathing down your neck.” Ash says with concern.

I almost choke on the mouthful of wine I had but managed to gulp it down and breathe again.

“Where did you hear that?”

“I had to go to the administration offices to get some paperwork settled for a new patrolman being assigned to my unit and heard some chatter about Eric being after you or something like that.”

_ Oh, he’s after me alright. _

I wave my hand causally and dismiss that thought as well as Ash’s worry.

“I missed the last few assessments and he’s having to handle it. No big deal.” I down the last bit of my drink and plop the glass on the table then reach for his hand. “Let’s dance,” I say even as I start to stand, wobbling only a little, and tug him up with me.

He doesn’t protest and soon we’ve made our way to the dance floor. I enjoy myself, I do, but something about Ash’s hands feel off. I can’t help this uneasy feeling that surges up every once in a while.

Normally, I can lose myself in the music and have no qualms about Ash being close or touching me. Ash even notices and asks me if I’m feeling okay. I just tell him I’m fine but that I need another drink. So we go back up to the lounge and he gets a few drinks from the bar for us. Once I have that downed, I drag him back onto the dance floor.

It seems to work and I dance until my feet can’t stand it anymore. He almost has to carry me back up to the balcony and the couch, where I plop down laughing and into his waiting arms.

I’m drunk and headed to well past drunk, but I really don’t care at this point.

“Wanna get out of here?” Ash asks as he leans in close to my ear brushing some of the hair away from it with his fingertips.

I giggle a little and nod. “Yeah, I just wanna go freshen up first.”

“Okay.” Ash agrees and helps to push me up from my seat, chuckling a little as I groan when my feet throb a little.

He makes a comment about the dangers of wearing such high heels that I ignore after a playful glare over my shoulder at him.

“Be right back,” I say and then weave my way to the bathroom.

The one on the balcony is occupied with a few girls waiting outside for it. I decide to not wait and go down to one of the ones on the main floor that I found a while back that is usually empty.  It has two stalls with a well-lit vanity area that I would think would make this a popular bathroom, but it’s well away from the dance area so maybe that’s why it isn’t packed like the others always are.

I take care of nature’s call first. Grateful that the toilets in places like this are nothing like the ones in the dorm or training room from when I first came to Dauntless. You need a shot just to prevent diseases from being near those.

I finish quickly and wash my hands then can’t resist using the vanity to check my lipstick and makeup. I’m so absorbed in finding my lipstick and reapplying it that I don’t notice the door opening, but I definitely hear it closing. And I definitely hear the lock being flipped.

The first, brief, thought I have is that someone’s decided to use this as a place to be intimate so for a few seconds I don’t get worried. It isn’t until the feeling I’ve had, but denied, all night surges through me with a vengeance. The one that felt like I was being watched. The one that had the hair on the back of my neck standing at attention and my senses buzzing. Only this is much worse and it finally gets my attention enough to turn to look out of the little vanity area that is in its own little nook.

Eric is standing there, leaning against one side of the archway, and the expression on his face makes my legs tremble slightly while I swallow heavily.

Eric Coulter isn’t an expressionless, emotionless robot but at times it certainly seems that way. But there are times when that mask breaks. I’ve always thought that the reputation he earned, even as far back as our initiation, didn’t come from the cold, calculating and the ruthless man he can be, but from these moments when whatever he is feeling is unrestrained and intense, overwhelming even.

The expression he is wearing now isn’t far off from one that I’ve seen before when he lost it on someone but I haven’t seen that since our initiation. His forehead is screwed up in wrinkles while his jaw is gritted and his lips turned into a scowl. He’s breathing hard, chest heaving, and his vein in his neck is pulsing as his fists clench and his muscles bunch up. That too is something I’ve seen before when he unleashed his body and showed just how lethal it can be.

I’ve seen all this before. I’ve just never been the one it’s all directed at.

“Just drinks with the girls, right?” He advances on me, all sinuous menace and the words are a hiss.

Despite the feeling that I just want to melt into the floor, I don’t let myself. He’s a beast. I’ve tamed larger and more powerful than him. I raise my chin and stand my ground.

“What business it of yours what I do with my free time? Yes, I’m having drinks with my girls and having fun. I never said there wouldn’t be others involved.”

Standing my ground means that I also didn’t move and he was on me in seconds. My butt hits the counter of the vanity as he brackets me in with his hands gripping it on the sides of my hips. He leans in so close that I can smell the aftershave he must have used before he got dressed for the night.

Dios ayúdame is the man dressed.

He’s wearing a black skin-tight, short-sleeved shirt with a v neck that clings to his skin so much that I can make out the muscles of his abdomen underneath it. It tapers in so that his waist is clearly defined by the belt showing since it’s tucked into black jeans that might as well be painted on him. They look to be barely containing the things he calls legs.

All of that is definitely drool-worthy but it’s not what has my mouth salivating and going dry at the same time. It’s his arms and those fucking veins that are pulsing. It’s the bunching of the muscles of his forearms up into his biceps. It’s the sound of his hands rubbing against the stone of the countertops as he grips them tighter.

It all made me want to lick my way up his arm, starting from his tattoos, until I reach his neck and then down the other until I reach….well….

If at all possible, his breathing goes even more ragged and his chest rumbles in a growl. “I’m not happy, at all, little Devi. You’re fucking drunk again.” He hisses and moves even closer making me gasp and flush. “And you let him  _ touch you _ .

His powerful thigh shoves its way between mine, opening my legs. Much like he did at the firing range but this time he’s facing me and it brushes up against my bare thighs, pressing into the silk shorts I’m wearing.

I let out a moan and reach out to grab his shirt, pulling him even closer. He finally lets go of the counter and uses one of his large, rough hands to grip the back of my neck after moving until the curtain of my hair.

“What am I going to do with you, Devi?” He growls out the question.

And it  _ is _ a question.

Said in a tone that lets me know he’s at a loss for what to do, maybe even at the end of whatever control he is trying to keep right now. That and the drinks make me much braver than I would ever normally feel. It has me feeling smug even, knowing that I’m the one doing this to him. That I have the unshakable mountain of arrogance and confidence feeling unsettled, unsure.

“Take me home with you, Eric,” I demand forcefully.

As the words come out I feel a brief moment of astonishment. But yes. This is what I want. I wanted it all day when I’ve relived the kiss. I wanted it last night when I touched myself thinking of him and what could have happened in that exam room. I wanted him even more as he touched and teased me at the gun range.

_ Dammit, I want him and I will get what I want! _

The grip on the back of my neck tightens even more and the rumble in his chest deepens before he shoves away from me. He steps back, his eyes a little wild, and runs a hand through his hair.

I bite my lip and start to step forward, to press the advantage I feel I have but stop as soon as I see the change in him. He was looking down for a second, just one second, but that was all it took.

The wild out of control Eric is gone. He is back to the cold and calculating one. Wearing a wide smirk and his head raises.

“Okay.” His tone is a strange combination that I can’t even describe. All I know is it sends both anticipation and worry through me.

Then he steps forward again and that heat I felt just yesterday envelops me making me feel nothing but raw hunger and need. He grabs my  wrist and starts to lead me out. This time he barely takes into account my height as he sets the pace. It takes us no time to make it from the almost empty area the bathroom was in to the overcrowded dance floor and bar set up.

Some rational thinking kicks in and I realize I need to let someone know what’s going on.

“I have to tell my friends…”

“They’ll figure it out.” He interrupts me with a smirk and looks over his shoulder a little.

I crane my neck and look to see that a few of my friends are on the dance floor and looking at us with wide eyes. Ash is one of them.

I send him an apologetic smile and then gasp when Eric jerks me back around. This time he pulls me completely against his side and wraps his arm around my waist. He all but picks me up and carries me the rest of the way out of Club Onyx.

I debate telling him I changed my mind but the drunken loss of inhibitions doesn’t allow me. My drunkenness is mortifyingly confirmed when I almost twist my ankle twice and finally my legs almost buckle while trying to keep up the pace he set.

Eric stops me from falling with a curse and whips me up into his arms, bridal style, without even really breaking stride. A strong moment of deja vu stops me from protesting as a faint and hazy memory emerges.

The memory a night when Eric caught me in his arms and held me close, refusing to let me down. Pleasure and warmth from the memory add the desire.

“You could have taken me home that night. I wouldn’t have minded then. Why didn't you?” I ask as we walk and he’s keeping his eyes on the dark and winding path out of the part where the Club is housed.

“I told you before. You were drunk and I don’t take advantage of drunk girls, no matter how fucking tempting they are.” At this last part, he turns his head towards me. I see his blue blazing with the same hunger I’m feeling.

I can’t speak for what I think is only for a few seconds. It turns out to be much longer because he had long ago looked away and now we’re in front of a door. He glances at me with a frown as he lowers me to my feet. As soon as they touch solid ground he pulls me tight to his side again. Once he has me tucked in like he wants me, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out keys. He almost kicks the door in before he ushers me through and I hear it slam behind as he does kick it closed.

He moves us so fast I barely notice anything about his apartment other than it is definitely an apartment. He rushes me through the living area and into a dark bedroom. He flicks on a light switch and finally releases his hold on me.

“Wait here.” He demands and then disappears back out of it. He’s back again before I have time to get my bearings or even move, holding something black in his hands. He moves past me into another dark room that is revealed to be a bathroom when he flicks on that light.

I frown and take a step when I hear what must be the faucet running and cabinets being opened and slammed shut. He comes back out with a scowl on his face.

“There are pills on the counter. Take those and drink the water. Get a shower and I left a shirt for you to put on to sleep in.” 

My jaw drops a little and I shake my head in confusion. “What?”

He advances again and takes my clutch from me. He roots around in it, takes my keys and the phone, then pockets them both before tossing the whole thing to the side on a chair in the room.

He then jerks me against his body and crashes his mouth against mine. Our teeth gnash against each other as we both let loose the hunger we’re feeling. By the time he releases me from the kiss I’m panting and spinning.

Not all of it from the kiss either.

He steadies me and scowls as he holds me close. “It won’t be when your drunk or have even had anything to drink, Devi. I want you, but I won’t have you like this.”

I have to lay my head on his chest due the spinning, dizziness and burning of tears in my eyes. “So why bring me here dammit.”

“Because the fucking thought of you out there like this is enough to drive me to want to hurt someone. I wouldn’t care if they were a friend of yours or not. I want you in with me in my bed, but I don’t trust myself enough to even allow that right now. This is my spare room. In here, I’ll know you’re safe from me and everything else.”

Something about that touches me and I sigh out his name. I let out a shuddering breath and his arms circle around me. The embrace is comforting and claiming all at the same time. It ends too soon though because he pulls back and lifts my chin once more to look at him. “I said you are different and if you can remember this in the morning, maybe you will see I’m proving that to you.”

He places a small gentle kiss to the tip of my nose and then gently pushes me towards the bathroom. I walk in and look at him over my shoulder as I grab the door to close it. The wild look is back. So is the chest heaving and clenched fists. I hesitate to close it but he shakes his head and backs away.

“Tomorrow, Devi. I’ll be here when you wake up tomorrow.” Then it seems like he melts into the darkness and I hear the door to the room click.

I close the bathroom door and lean against it.

The mirror in front of me shows the reflection of a girl I don’t even know right now. Who is this girl that’s feeling hunger like I have never felt before.

It’s almost like I’m the old me. The one from back in Amity that lived and loved with such wild and passion.

Was it always there and the serum just brought it, and only it, forth? Is that what Eric is to me now? Some kind of drug that brings out a side I thought I might have lost forever.

All the questions and events of the night have my mind spinning.

There isn’t an answer for me right now. The only way I can get one is to move forward and find out.

But, in the light of day will I remember this? In that harsh morning after light am I going to  _ want _ to find out as much as I do now?

I take the pills, drink the water, step into the shower and then put on the shirt that smells so much like Eric it makes me feel like I wrapped in his arms again. I almost think that I won’t be able to sleep at all but it finds me sooner than I would have liked.

 


	4. Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another morning after dawns for Devi. What will she find when she wakes up and does she remember anything from the night before?

**Part 4**

  


There comes a time in a girl’s life when she has to reevaluate things. Like when she wakes up for the second time in a week, hungover as hell, in place not her own, wearing clothes, not hers, and with no memory of how the fuck any of that happened.

Once again my friends have abandoned me.

I sit up in the bed I’m in and look around. The bed is comfortable like mine and the room is simply furnished. But that’s where the similarities between my room and this one end.

There isn’t much to go on here to give me an idea of where I might be. The only furniture in the room other than the bed is two bedside tables, a dresser, and a small armchair. All the basic stuff that most apartments are furnished to start out with. The walls are bare and stark white. All the bedding and furniture are black. The curtains are black and keep out any light, making the room completely dark with only the tiniest sliver of the sun peeking through where the two curtains meet in the middle.

There is absolutely no personality at all in this room and it almost seems like it’s never even used.

There are three doors in the room with two doors on one wall that I know will lead to the closet and bathroom. The wall that the head of the bed is against, is the one that has the door leading to the rest of the apartment. There is a bedside table between it and me and no sounds seem to be coming from the other side of it, so there’s no hint for me there.

However, glancing in the direction of the door provides me some clue when I see on the nightstand a tall clear glass of water with a plate beside it where it looks like a few pills, hopefully, aspirin, are waiting for me. There also looks to be a small slip of paper beside it and that has me scooting from the center of the bed where I woke up and scrambling to pick up the paper and read what it says.

_Take these. Drink that._

Whoever wrote the note, and left the water and aspirin, has way better penmanship than I do. It’s small, neat and precise. Making me wonder if they used a computer to spit it out. Maybe I should hesitate to take pills left me by some unknown person, but even though I don’t know where I am or who might be here, I don’t feel unsafe. So, I do what the note instructs and then stumble my way to the door I think the bathroom is behind.

I flip on the light and have to blink for a second at it assaulting my sensitive eyes. It takes a second or two for my vision to clear, allowing me to get a good look at myself in the mirror. Not that I particularly care to look at what must be a complete mess.

My reflection is another surprise and mystery for me. I completely expected to wake up and find my makeup ruined and running over my face. Giving me raccoon eyes and a clown worthy smile. But my face is completely free of makeup. It also looks like my hair, definitely mused from sleep, was also recently washed because it looks to have dried while I slept too.

I panic for a second and run my hands over my body, but I already know that what I’m worried about didn’t happen. If someone helped me wash up, it was completely non-sexual, or at the very least no actual sex took place. Of course, there probably isn’t a way to know for sure until I find the person and ask them; but judging from the same frustrated, pent up feeling I started my night out with, I can pretty much guarantee nothing happened.

Between the pills, water and other signs I find as I look around the bathroom, I know whoever’s place I’m at has at least been trying to make sure I’m okay and taken care of.

I smile and blush a little when I see a new tube of toothpaste and toothbrush, both still in their boxes, waiting for me next to the sink.

The clothes I had been wearing are neatly folded and on the bathroom counter right next to a new set of folded clothing. The new clothes are the normal nondescript workout clothes that most of the women in Dauntless wear. A black sports bra, tank top, and leggings. They are so generic that they could be mine or anyone else's for all know. And beside that is a pair of sneakers with a pair of rolled up socks stuck inside of one of them. Again, they could belong to anyone, but unless someone else likes to take their shoes off by pressing down the back of them because they can’t be bothered to untie them, then these are definitely mine.

Another clue that lets me know this is all my stuff is the small, colorful burlap pouch that I hand painted and sewed together to hold makeup and toiletries,  is on the counter beside the clothes.

So did I go and grab my stuff and bring it with me here to...wherever I am? If I did, why? And where is Ash at? Even if I decided not to hook up with him he still would have made sure I either got home or let me sleep it off at his place.

I put my hand on top the pile of workout clothes and feel the crinkle of paper and find another note written in the same precise handwriting with two words on it.

_Wear this._

I feel the first bit of uneasiness filling and a nagging in the back of my mind that’s trying to give me some clue as to who these notes are from. There is something about the bold script and tone of words that provide the clues that I’m simultaneously denying and dreading. But there’s nothing I can do to change what’s already happened. What I need to do is get answers. I can’t do that unless I get my ass in gear.

I brush my teeth and root around in the pouch to see that it looks like someone just threw a few things I might need in there. There is some moisturizer, a couple of my hair bands to put my hair up, and deodorant.

I carry my club clothes out of the bathroom to find a bag sitting on the small armchair that I hadn’t noticed earlier. Granted, it is the same deep black color that the chair is so in the dark it blended in. I would have completely passed it by if I hadn’t spotted my heels on the chair as well. The bag turns out to also be mine. The one I carry to and from work. Its technically a leather purse but the style is that of a backpack. Big enough for me to shove an extra pair of scrubs in along with anything else that I might need during long days at work.

I feel a surge of relief at finding it and quickly grab it and unzip it to try and find my phone and hope I can get answers from it. I’m quickly disappointed though because all I see are things I normally keep it, minus the scrubs and also minus my phone and keys. My clutch is in there but when I opened it up all I find in it is lipstick and condoms. I scowl and shove my heels and clothes into the bag then work the zipper closed on the overfilled bag.

I look at the door that will lead to the rest of the apartment and hesitate. I can finally hear some kind of sounds coming from the other side and I know I’m going to need to face whatever...whoever...is out there.

_Might as well get it over with._

As soon as I open the door the smell of food cooking and coffee brewing hits me full in the face. That smells inviting enough that I take the first few tentative steps forward into the hallway. Like my apartment, the hallway to the bedrooms is short and really only has just enough room for the doors to the rooms. What wall space there is that’s free we filled with my artwork. Here it’s crammed with bookshelves that are crammed with books.

This makes me pause to look over them with a frown. No one I know would have bookshelves filled to almost overflowing even if they are all organized neatly. Not even the person I had a niggling clue my mystery person could be would be someone to have this.

So who the hell did I end up going home with?

All hesitancy is gone. My temper at my carelessness is simmering and making me plow forward, only to stumble over my feet with a gasp when my body wouldn’t stop the forward momentum I desperately wanted it to stop.

“You,” I gasp out in surprise before I could stop the word from spilling out.

My eyes are locked on the man standing in the open and well-lit kitchen in disbelief as Eric turns from the stove with his hands full of plates. He takes one look at me and sighs, closing his eyes for a moment before he shakes his head and mutters something that I can’t hear. He steps forward and motions with his head towards the island eating area.

“Going to go out on a limb here and say that you don’t remember anything from last night, do you?”

My mind starts working overtime trying to figure out how Eric once again got involved in my night out.

I remember a few things. I remember not feeling as up to the night of dancing as I had been when I planned it. I remember the thought of dancing with Ash feeling wrong and a slight pang of disappointment that it wasn’t going to be someone else I was dancing with. I also very clearly remember when things probably went downhill for me. When I realized that it was Eric’s hands and presence I was craving; and that nothing and no one but him was going to do it for me. I decided a few more drinks would help me to get over that.

Big mistake.

He moves over to sit on one stool, leaving the one on the other side free, and it’s clear that he means me to sit down and answer his question. I slowly do both. When my bag is on the floor, my butt is on the seat and my breath has found its way back into my lungs, I finally answer.

“It’s all pretty much a blur,” I reply without looking at him. I train my eyes on the plate he sits in front of me without really seeing what is on it.

“Well, that’s just about par for the course.” Even with the coldness, there is a weary undertone to it. I chance a look at him to see he’s studying me with a frown. “Do you blackout every time you drink?”

I scowl at him, but it’s really for myself as I shake my head and answer. “No. I do have a fairly low tolerance but I only have issues when I combine alcohol or overdo it.”

He nods and the frown deepened. “Well, I’d say you hit both of those last night then. Should have stuck to the wine.”

“You were there?”

He doesn’t answer. Instead, he looks to my plate, pointedly. “Eat up. You’re going to need energy for what I have in store for you.”

I’m almost afraid to ask, especially with his lips twitching on the sides. “What’s in store for me today besides work?”

“Oh, you aren’t going to work.” I immediately stiffen and go to protest but he stops me. “The weekend is over and the normal staff is back. Plus there are a few more being added to the rotation from now on. So the days you were supposed to have off from the clinic but didn’t, you’re getting them now. We will also be doing the training and assessments that should have already been done since you have free time. ”

I frown in confusion. “How is that possible?”

He shrugs and picks up his fork, answering while not looking at me. “Erudite owes us.” There’s something about the set of his shoulders and tone that tells me he’s said all he’s going to say on that.

With a sigh of resignation, I finally look down at my plate and really see what’s on it. The wonderful smells turned out to be a spinach and cheese omelet with sides of sliced avocado and bacon. The food is surprising, delicious and a very welcome distraction.  

It’s also perfect hangover food and I dig in without speaking, sipping the coffee in between bites. It’s not like I would really know what to say at the moment anyway. It doesn’t stop my mind working hard trying to process everything while I eat.

Obviously, I’m in Eric’s apartment. He got clothes for me in some way. I can only guess by using my keys that are missing? But why would he bother?

It’s also obvious that he took care of me last night while being clear that nothing sexual happened. Again...why?

Why….to everything, but I find myself mainly embarrassingly wondering, why we didn’t do anything? Does he just, not want me, and all of this is really him playing with Four or me or both of us?

“You think any harder and your head is going to explode. You’re wincing. Did you know that? Every time a new thought enters into your mind, you wince. So why don’t you just spit whatever it is out and stop killing yourself.” Eric grumbles out after putting his fork down on to his empty plate.

He has his hands steepled over the plate and has his eyebrow raised while glaring me down.

I set my own fork down as well since my plate is just as empty as his.  I raise my chin while my eyes narrow as I look at him.

I mean to demand where he got my stuff from and why my phone and keys are missing. I mean to demand them back and confirm that he didn’t invade my privacy by rooting through my things at home. I mean to demand what right he thinks he has to have done any of that, to begin with, no matter that he’s a leader of the faction.

That’s what I mean to do but what happens instead leaves my skin hot and flushed with embarrassment.

“Why didn’t we do anything last night? Do you even really want me, or is this just some bullshit game with Four? Because if it is, you can just stop. I would rather not be the pawn in whatever messed up game you’ve cooked up.”

My jaw drops in astonishment and mortification at what spilled out of my mouth in a rush but I don’t have time to really think on it and find a way to change direction because Eric is already in motion towards me. I didn’t even get past the first question before he was standing and moving slowly around the counter towards me. His movements are fluid and casual but his expression is anything but.

His blue eyes seemed to have turned to the color of ice as they bore into mine and hold me completely paralyzed and barely able to turn my body to face him after he moved behind me.

“As I’ve told you before, twice now counting last night, it isn’t my style to hook up with someone that is obviously drunk no matter who they are or how willing they might be.”

I’ve heard the tone these words carry before. The hushed quiet one. The tone that you can equate to the sound of a blade being drawn from a sheath.

All of Dauntless fears this tone and I would be lying if I said I’m not and have not been affected by it before. But how I was affected then is nothing like what’s going on now.

Because there is a look in his eyes as he comes closer that shows me raw hunger. And the heat coming off his body sets me to fire, putting what I felt in the exam room to shame. I’m so paralyzed and captivated that I don’t even realize he’s moved me, turning my body for me to face him so that my back is now against the edge of the counter.

His eyes aren’t the ice I compared them too. They’re blue fire, an inferno is raging behind the gaze I can’t break free from.

“Eric….I…” I gasp out when his breath hits my face and seems to trigger my own inhaling of the breath I hadn’t been able to take.

His hand whips out to grab the back of my neck and he squeezes, firm and gentle until my head falls back slightly. He’s so close that my legs just opened right up for him and he slipped in.

“No, you don’t get to speak.” He hisses out and stops me from continuing on. I don’t even know if I would have been able to continue anyway. “Do you honestly believe that I would care enough to bring _just_ _anyone_ into my _home_? Do you think I would bother to take care of just anyone because they were wasted? I wouldn’t, and you know that’s true. I might make sure their friends were looking after them and they didn’t kill themselves, but that’s about the extent of the effort I would make.”

While he speaking he uses the hand that isn’t at the back of my neck, with the back of his fingers, to lightly brush over my neck. Slowly and teasing. My body arching into his touch and my nipples going hard as his skin made contact with mine.

He pauses in speaking and moves the hand up so that two of the pads of his fingers brush across my mouth, causing me to moan slightly. His eyes crinkle at the sides as a small smirk of pleasure tilts his lips and he changes the touch so that now it’s his thumb brushing across my lips.

“Open up for me, little one.” It’s a raw, low command that has some dark part of my brain snapping forward at, following along. The nickname and command have me insanely aroused.

I open my mouth and he slips the thumb between my lips. What happens next happens on instinct, spurred on by the silent command in his eyes and I follow it again without hesitation while my eyes never leave his.

My mouth closes around his thumb, my tongue swirls around the tip and down the length and then I gently sucked. His nostrils flare and he gives a deep inhalation of breath as a rumble of pleasure sounds in his chest. He moves even closer until the thick and hard bulge of his thigh presses right up against the apex of legs. I was already burning and wet, wetter than I have ever been or ever thought I could be, but I was wrong. He presses firmly against me in a pulse and I feel like there is no way he won’t notice the flood that must be pooling at my core, just as the immense heat seems to be as well. I suck deeper on his thumb and moan around it, plainly expressing just how good I’m feeling and what I want.

I’m not the only one showing that at least. If his eyes and groan didn’t let me know then the outline of his bulge definitely does. His eyes are what hold my attention. They are wild looking with hardly any color left to be seen, just the black of his pupil. And when he speaks again, its pure gravel, full of ragged lust.

“You have no fucking clue how much I wanted you last night, little one.” Between his breath fanning across my face and the low pulsing tenor of his words, I feel electrified. Like I could break apart at any second just from his words and presence alone. “You think this is a game,” he pauses again and removes his thumb from my mouth but uses it to open it slightly while moving his face closer to mine. “That this has anything to do with number boy? You’re wrong, Devi. This has always been about me and you. If you want to call it a game so be it. But be warned that I don’t intend on losing.”

Then he consumed me.

There’s no other word for the kiss that followed that proclamation. The fire in me that won’t back down from a challenge, ignited at those words. My hands reach up to his neck and claw at him. I can’t tell you if it’s to get him to stop or to make sure he never does.

A war is being waged between us with this kiss and the way his body is dominating mine. It’s a war that I’m quickly losing and it makes me feel like much more than just a stupid contest of wills is in jeopardy here.

It feels like my heart and soul are in the line and it scares the ever loving shit out of me.

He breaks away from the kiss with a feral growl and shoves away from me. It so sudden and forceful that it leaves me quickly grabbing the sides of the stool to steady myself.

He backs up slowly, and I watch in fascination as the change takes place. First, he takes a step back and his breathing slows down. Two steps more and his eyes, that were so wild just seconds ago, start to focus back into his familiar cold blue ones. At three steps the emotionless mask that defines Eric is firmly back in place.

He doesn’t say another word as he moves forward calmly and reaches for the two plates and cups on the counter. He busies himself cleaning up the remnants of breakfast and our dishes.

Meanwhile, I’m still hanging onto the stool for dear life and just trying to coax my heart from throat back into my chest and the air into my lungs.

After he has everything in his dishwasher and that started, he calmly turns back to face me.

“Time to head out for training. We’ll be doing a warm-up, going out for a run and then heading to the training room to go from there. Lunch and dinner will be in the mess. Leave your bag here and we can get it after.” His eyes light up and he smiles at me. A smile that’s completely predatory in nature. “I have you for the next two days.”

He walks past me and goes to the door while I’m left frozen. This isn’t going to be good at all. I can just feel it.

 

* * *

 

  
  
I groan as I sink into the water of the bath and let out a ragged sigh of relief once I’m submerged fully under the hot water with the bath salts still dissolving in it. The last two days have been all kinds of torture for me. It was bad enough that I’m using my precious oils and salts to relieve the aching and stress my body has endured.

Eric took advantage of the last two days and rung every single second from it. From breakfast until a couple of hours after dinner, I’ve been with Eric.

I let the heat of the water work on my aching body and reflect over my time with Eric

 

*****

 

The first day with Eric has gone exactly as he said and planned.

We warmed up with some stretches after getting outside of the gates that our transports use to leave the compound, and then went on a run that pretty much covered our entire sector. When we got back, he barely let me get water and a breather before we went to the training room or the torture chamber as I started to mentally call it, until lunch. After lunch in the mess hall, we went right back to it until dinner.

That’s a total of over nine hours spent in a similar way as when we were at the gun range, where Eric apparently proved he has no concept of the words _‘personal space’_ at all. He continued to show me just how little he thought of the concept.

First, had been when we were working out. I went into that at least a little confidence because that _is one_  aspect I’ve been keeping up with.

At least twice a week I meet with my girls and we do about an hour of working out together. So I just knew this was at least something that he couldn’t catch me out on. That he wouldn’t be able to use it against me and need to get in my bubble to show me how wrong I was doing things.

That was promptly shot to hell.

My workouts, the workouts my friends and I blow through, are nothing to what Eric subjected me to after he had me tell him what my normal workouts consist of. I think he thought I was pranking him but when he saw my blush and figured out I was serious, well...the feared trainer he is to every initiate came out in full force.

There was one big change from how I know he is during initiation though. And that was when he would push me to do something that I would tell him was impossible or ridiculous, then he put himself through it right alongside me. I know for a fact that isn’t his normal behavior and called him on it.

He told me that I was right, but he was showing me that he would never ask someone to do something that he didn’t know they were capable of or that he wouldn’t do himself. He said that it might take breaking them down to get them built back up, but it was all to make them stronger. It was clear he had every intention of doing that same thing with me.

He was going hard on me and that meant my temper flared on occasion because of that. But it was also because there was the added element of what happened every time our bodies came into contact. There was a charge of heat and electricity that was impossible to ignore and was so distracting that it would throw us both off. This seemed to upset him and he would just come at me harder.

He also still did the talking thing too. Which combined with the physical torture made it feel more like an interrogation. That was always going to have me reacting defensively. So, I started launching questions right back at him. To my surprise, he was answering.

Well, he mostly answered them. He wouldn’t even acknowledge the ones that were a mirror of how personal he got with some of his for me.

By the time lunch rolled around I was at a breaking point and wondering if I really wanted to put myself through this again with Eric. My nerves were strung out from the aggressive pace Eric set to get everything that needed to be done in only two days. My sexual frustration levels were approaching nuclear meltdown mode, and my mind couldn’t even handle the barrage of information being requested by Eric along with what he was giving me back.

Before we went to lunch I would have said that if I was given an out and another option of anyone else handling things, I would have leaped at the chance. That was until the opportunity arrived and it turned out, I didn’t want to at all.

Eric and I went to the mess for lunch, just as he said we would. I expected to sit with my friends, but they were either already gone and back to work or not there at all. Eric was determined that I would be eating on the leaders level anyway and at least I knew Tori would be there.

I went into lunch a sore, grouchy, and bitchy mess. My hair all tangled and frayed on top of my head in a haphazard bun. My tank was still drenched in sweat and I’m sure I reeked from it too. I wouldn’t say I looked worse than I ever did in initiation, but I had to be damn close. I know I was in just as foul of a mood as I had been back then.

Hunger won out over any issues I might have had about being dragged along with Eric, grumbling moodily the whole way, much to his amusement. We took seats beside each other and across from Tori.

She was looking at me and barely restraining her laughter, but I could clearly tell that she was doing this and it earned her a glare from me while I flipped her the bird.

That made her chuckle while she pushed food my way. Which I looked over and loaded up on once I saw that the selections for leaders seemed to be loads better then what the plebeians on the lower level are offered. There were few veggies available, but there was a bowl of roasted red potatoes that also had green beans tossed in a garlic butter sauce. I grabbed that and some grilled chicken while nabbing a few of the dinner rolls Tori pushed my way.

While I loaded my plate, Eric casually poured us both glasses of water from the big pitcher sitting on the table. When he slid mine towards me I accepted with a blush and noticed Four sitting on the other side of the table from me, glowering at Eric. I ignored him and concentrated on my plate. I knew I didn’t have to worry about him starting anything with both Tris and Tori at the table.

Since Tris came along, Four had mellowed out a bit. He could still be a dick and a little overbearing when he had it in his head he needed to protect someone or he was worried about them. Personally, I always thought that he was in instructor mode all the time and didn’t know how to turn it off. Talking to everyone like they were his initiates and needed to do his bidding. I knew from the first time I had Tris in a bed at the clinic that she wasn’t going to be someone that would follow anyone blindly, and that underneath her quietness was a girl with a backbone. It was actually me bonding with her during her initiation that led to me and Four moving beyond old awkwardness from ours. But since they officially became more than just boyfriend/girlfriend, something they are keeping quiet for now, her closeness with me has prompted Four’s protective instincts to make his alpha gene activate. I guess Tris looking at me all worried and asking if I was okay is what caused that to kick in and had him trying to interfere.

Oh, he didn’t come right out and say, _‘Devi you need to do your testing with someone else other than Eric’._  In fact, he never even talked to me at all. He directed the conversation at Eric, reminding him of some important meetings and several proposals up for review, and was now really the time to take off for something he knew Zeke would be able to do with me? Wouldn’t it be better for someone of my rank to be tested by Zeke anyway?

It was all masked as leader business but I saw it for what it really was. Four was interfering and trying to step in because he thought that dealing with Eric would be too much for me.

Before lunch, I was mentally complaining about everything and doubting that I could handle another second with Eric if it was anything like the morning had been.

Maybe it was to spite Four.

Maybe it was to prove something to myself, Eric, Four, and everyone else that had ever doubted me.

Or maybe it was all of that. All of that and Four’s challenge of Eric and my, what I thought, right to be in Dauntless. It felt like initiation all over again.

Whatever it was had me slamming my fist hard down on the table. Dishes jumped and flatware clattered in all directions. The table conversation stopped along with the other tables on this same level that were around us. It’s enough to know that attention is on me but I don’t let that in. My only focus is Four as I let all of my ire and frustration come through in the way my eyes hold his when my action got his attention.

As mad as I am, I do remember that Four is trying to come from a good place. So I take a few calming breaths before I start talking finally.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t it say in the by-laws, that it is up to the Senior Leader of the faction to determine what training and when it is needed for _all_ standing members of the faction?” At times like this my accent is a little thicker, my voice just a bit huskier, and I speak slowly to make sure that I’m understood completely.

I’ve been told it makes me sound menacing but I don’t see how. If it does though, then I welcome it right now.

Four’s lips thin and his skin flushes because he knows I’m right. He might have been counting on the fact that most of Dauntless unless they are really involved in the running of the faction, aren’t aware of details like that. I’m only aware of it because Eric informed me of this on our run. It took me worriedly questioning him if he would be in some kind of trouble for stepping away from all of that work I saw piled on his desk to do my training and testing. That was when he let that and another big fact drop.

Four doesn’t answer me vocally, instead, Tori answers as she sees that Four isn’t about to. I also see her glance Eric’s way and I realize, with some surprise, that he’s amazingly silent and has been this entire time. Like her, I guess I would have expected him to have some kind of snarky remark aimed at Four. I let myself glance over at him and while I do see his posture is even more rigid than usual, he isn’t even looking at Four at all. He’s looking at me, his face free of expression other than maybe curiosity.

Maybe he’s just going to wait to see how this plays out. Let me fight my own battle here. Is it wishful thinking on my part to think that maybe he isn’t stepping in because he knows I’m completely capable of handling this on my own?

“That’s correct,” Tori confirms and I look back to her, give a small nod of acknowledgment, then look back at Four as I can continue.

“Isn’t it also correct, that because of my own position being considered in the ranked officer tier, only an officer of greater standing who also has the training sanction, can oversee my training and score me?”

Again Tori nods and I see Four’s shoulders slump a little but I still carry on. This time I don’t bother to phrase it as a question, just me stating a fact that he knows I definitely know now.

“It’s also true that I brought this on myself by not doing the yearly required training and assessments that all members, but especially ranked ones, are supposed to go through. Two years automatically makes it so that the _Senior Leader_ is the only one that has any say about what I can do to correct something that could see me thrown out. So I have to ask Four, is that what you want? Would you like to see me thrown out?”

“You know I don’t, Devi.” He replies softly. I can hear the apology in his tone.

“Then you need to let me do this and not try to interfere again.” I let my tone soften as well.

I knew where this was coming from on Four’s part. I’m not completely overwhelmed with anger at him that I don’t recognize a friend’s worry. However wrong it may be of me, worry equals fear in my eyes. Fear that I’m weak. Fear that I don’t belong.

And that causes me to feel fear that he might be right. That just like the life I left behind in Amity was a lie, my life here is a lie too. Instead of making me feel like running or denying the fear, I’m choosing to face it, to fight it, and to prove that fear wrong.

Four holds my eyes for a bit longer than I’m comfortable with, while he seems to be searching my expression for something but he finally gives me a nod and a small sideways smile. Beside him, Tris grins at him and they share a look that almost seems to me as if she’s sending him a silent ‘I told you so’ message.

The table around us seems to let out a collective release of breaths as I glance over at Eric who just casually raises his glass of water and takes a drink, but not before I see a slight tilt of his lips in a smirk.

The rest of lunch is spent listening to the others talking shop about this or that. A tiny amount of annoyance at being ignored starts to take root in me even after I mentally remind myself that it's not like I ever really like to talk at the meals I’m able to hastily grab on occasion.

Which is why Tori probably just let me eat in peace. It takes Eric asking me a few things about the clinic to bring me out of the sulking I was doing about something I would usually be grateful for. It isn’t until the end of the lunch when I realize that the questions he had and the conversation that took place was actually really pleasant.

More than that, I could tell that Eric hadn’t just tossed aside that file he took from my office, but he actually paid attention.

This realization also brings forth the whispering in my mind that my calling Four out on his attempt to interfere wasn’t all about proving him wrong it was also because deep down I didn’t want it to end.

After lunch, it was right back to the training room and workouts until dinner time. There were no big surprises or confrontations. Just more of Eric’s questions while touching and teasing me.

It wasn’t until after a few more hours of training after dinner that Eric finally gave me my keys and phone back.

Explaining, reluctantly, as we stood in his apartment where I had to go to get my bag, that he had in fact used the keys to get my stuff from my apartment after trying to call Sadie first. But when he got to there, she was just getting back and grabbed it for him instead.

Eric even more reluctantly let me leave after I had my bag. I was so tired and felt like such a mess that I didn’t bother to get mad about this, instead, I had all but begged him to let me go so I could just go home and get a shower and go straight to bed. He only let me go after giving me a warning threat that I better be in the training room by 0700. If he had to come to find me it wasn’t going to be a pleasant day.

I didn’t bother with a bath that tempted me for a second. Instead, I just did a quick shower, took the aspirin Sadie shoved at me and then crawled into bed. I passed out grateful that my mind and body were agreeing with my need for blessed sleep.

It didn’t stop the dreams though. A crazy and tangled combination of dreams that I woke up unable to remember many details on other than Eric was in them and that they left me feeling just as confused as I had spent most of the previous day feeling.

The next day, today, was even more intense. Trying to cram what normally is spread out over a week into two days means that Eric set a brutal pace and had even harder expectations of me.

We finished the weapons portion of the testing first thing in the morning and then went into a short warm up before the run. This time the run was through an obstacle course that saw me climbing, jumping, rappelling, crawling, and balancing across a variety of different obstacles. That closed out the first part of my morning and lunch was again in the mess hall at the leader's table.

This time there was no confrontation with Four because he wasn’t even at the table. Neither was Tori for that matter. But Tris, Uriah, Marlene, and Zeke all were and I got a brief on what the last portion of the day would contain after Tris and Mar cast sympathetic looks at me.

Eric had saved the best for last.

While I wasn’t being asked to have a ranked fighting match, I still had to prove I know what I’m doing against an opponent. I don’t know if it was really because no one else was available or just because Eric wasn’t willing to let anyone in on this at all, but it was made clear I would be going against him.

I had been seriously concerned about the thought of having to fight Eric. It wasn’t until we got to the training room that he informed me how it was going to work. I had to score a certain about of points and strikes against him. And if I could last a set amount of time, then that would add to the points as well. Before we moved into that portion he was considerate enough to work on my forms with me first.

I won’t lie, the ending of today was heading towards a complete disaster.

I did everything Eric demanded of me to prepare for the final physical assessment, and even did it without much complaining on my end, even though I felt completely wrecked by the end of it.

I passed with a total of 79 from the maximum 100 points I could have gained. According to Eric, being five points over the minimum passing score was nothing to be happy about.

I disagreed and then we argued, with him using that to point out everything I could have done better and then having me do them again. Just to show me that I could and there was no reason for me not to have done them the first time.

Dinner time was passing me by very quickly, making my already bad attitude get rapidly worse. It didn’t help that I could tell Eric had no real reason for us to still be doing anything, but I couldn’t figure out why he was insisting on it. It got so bad that I just lost it and straight out started cursing him out.

I reached my limit of putting up with him and his demands as well as his attitude that was just getting worse, and I had no clue what I was doing wrong to cause him to act like he was.

“Carajo! I don’t know what is making you even more of an estúpido than normal, but I am not going to just sit here and put up with this mierda.” I snap at him and slap my hands against his chest after the final time he snapped at me for, in my opinion, no reason.

In the last hour, Eric’s cold and emotionless expression morphed into nothing but sneers and scowls. Now he scoffed angrily at me. “You’ll take whatever mierda I throw at you because if you don’t, as you so generously informed Four, I can send you packing.”

I stamped my foot in anger and frustration. My temper was getting worse as dinner time got further away. “Vete al demonio!” I yelled and whirled away from him, determined to end this and get myself some dinner.

Eric wasn’t having it as he grabbed my arm and spun me around. I lost balance but he was also pulling me forward at the time so that I slammed against his chest. “Where do the fuck do you think you’re going? You don’t get to leave until I say you can. Until I’ve signed off on that fucking paperwork, you’re mine.”

“I’m hungry, Eric!” I try for anything but the whine I know is coming, but don’t succeed.

“Fine. Then we go to my apartment and we can have dinner there.” He snaps at me, his face all contorted with anger.

“Fine!” Not that he was asking at all, but I yell out my agreement anyway.

 His mouth snaps shut and he looks down at me, the anger melting slightly from his face.

 "Good.” He agrees with a nod and then pulls me with him out of the gym and to his apartment.

 He wasn’t holding my hand or anything. I doubt Eric even knows how to do something like that. His huge hand stayed wrapped around my wrist the entire time, even when he stopped pulling me. As if he was afraid I was going to just slip off as soon as he was distracted. For some reason, I like it.

After getting to his apartment his demeanor didn’t improve much. At least not at first. Especially when he was rummaging through his refrigerator and cabinets with a look of intensity and then something that had looked like a flash of defeat when he saw all he really had was stuff for breakfast. The frown got deeper when he explained to me that’s the only meal he ever has time to actually have there, so he doesn’t bother with getting anything else.

When told him that breakfast for dinner was actually something I did for myself a lot, his mood got better and he set about making me another omelet. The dinner that followed was so similar to that breakfast I had with him in his apartment that I couldn’t help remembering that morning.

I couldn’t help but to remember our kiss and wondering why he hadn’t tried to kiss me again in our time spent together. Yeah, sure he’s touched me over the last few days, but not really like he did that morning. Then I spent the rest of the dinner wondering if I should be feeling as disappointed and hurt by that as I am.

We talked though, so I didn’t have much time to really dwell on any of that. We talked about work and what I could expect when I went back. That there is now going to be more staff from Erudite available during the week beyond the normal hours they had been staffed for, possibly even overnight, and that would also carry over on the weekends.

He hinted at meetings with Erudite to talk about more, which led to him telling me about the fact that there are several big meetings with all the factions over the next month or so. Things that will hopefully lead to improved conditions for Dauntless overall. He complained about how long the process has been taking since the downfall of the corrupt leaders here and in Erudite too.

Dinner was...pleasant, honestly.

Even if it started out a complete wreck. At the end, Eric started to turn back into being surly, like he didn’t want me to leave and was upset that he couldn’t command me to stay. Instead, he insisted on walking me back to my apartment.

At the door, I turned to tell him goodbye but never got to say a word. Once again I was pressed up against something while he was kissing me stupid.

It rattled me so badly I almost shoved the door open and just pulled him inside and straight to my bedroom. I think I would have if the door hadn’t opened and Sadie had squeaked out an apology saying she thought she had heard me having trouble opening the door.

Eric had already pulled away from kiss to look at her and glared her back before looking at me again. His hand was still at the back of my neck and his eyes were dark. “I’m going to busy with meetings and other bullshit I couldn’t get out of for the next two days.”

I swallowed and nodded numbly. He had already informed me of this earlier during dinner when we were talking about, not only what I would be going back to at work, but what he was expecting for him too.

“You told me, Eric.” I breathe out as he brings me closer to his body.

“I’m telling you again.” He growled out then closed his eyes. “I _will_ make sure to have time with you again but I don’t know when that might be exactly.” He frowned for a second before pulling back and looking at me. “What I said about being prepared for me anytime still stands.”

He left with a smirk as I tossed a curse word at his back. His chuckle had made me smile before I went into the apartment and slammed the door behind me. Sadie and been wide eyed and waiting for me.

“Sorry, I really did think you were having trouble getting in and thought it be because you were so worn out.” Sadie babbled out her apology that I wave off tiredly.

“Está bien,” I mumble out then sigh and repeat it in English for her benefit. She’s used to this by now and has picked up some Spanish from me, just not enough to actually be able to hold a conversation in it.

I move further into the living room, distractedly following a routine that feels off. I go to the kitchen and pull down a glass and fill it with cold water from the pitcher we keep of it in our fridge.

As I’m drinking it, Sadie watches me carefully. “I didn’t see you at dinner. Are you hungry, did you eat, or did he keep you...occupied...in the training room?”

Her question is cautious and probing. Probably wanting to find out more about what she saw at the door. I just don’t have the presence of mind to be able to handle that right now. “I already ate. We did run over dinner a little but got food somewhere else.”

I finish drinking my water, clean the glass and put it on our drainer on the counter. Our apartment doesn’t have a dishwasher, so we have to clean the few dishes we have in the small kitchenette by hand.

“Devi, what’s going on with you and Eric?” Sadie asks me softly before I go into my room.

“Nothing. He was just doing the assessment for me but that’s done now.”

We both knew it was a lie, but it was one I was planting firmly in my mind. I still had major doubts that this was anything for him other than an amusement. Maybe a challenge. Just because I am different from the other girls in some respects doesn’t mean that in end, after he gets what he wants, I won’t become just like the others then.

 *****

Back in my bath, I sink under the bath water so that the tears I refuse to acknowledge combine with the liquid in the tub. I come up when the need for air is greater than my need of denial.

Disgusted with myself I climb out of the bath, into some pajamas and sink into bed. I am grateful when my body and mind do agree for once and sink into blissful sleep.

 

* * *

 

It feels odd not waking up knowing that I’m going to be seeing Eric as soon as I step out of my door. I know we were only following that schedule for two days but it felt like much longer.

Despite a solid eight hours of sleep I’m still sluggish as I get up. I contemplate going to grab coffee from the bakery but I don’t think I can even manage that at the moment.

We have coffee here but it’s the instant kind. Our tiny kitchen can’t handle too many appliances and Sadie and I decided not to bother getting much anyway, since we aren’t here so much with both of our jobs.

I fill up the kettle and put it on one of the portable induction cooktops we have, take out the jar of instant coffee and blearily measure it out into my mug then wait for the water to boil. While I’m waiting, I hear my phone buzzing from in my room.

I shuffle in to get it and shuffle back into the kitchen, temporarily forgetting why I have my phone in my hand in the first place until it buzzes again, reminding me about my unread message. I blearily look at the screen and catch the name of the sender first.

I bite my lip and stare at it with a scowl, cursing myself for the flipping in my stomach while I debate actually reading the message and wondering how Eric even has my phone information.

_He did have the thing for an entire day, Núñez._

The scathing mental reminder does little to improve my mood when I realize that there is no way I’m _not_ going to check the message. So with a sigh and my stomach fluttering, I click the message and read it.

__-Since you now have lunch free, Leader’s level...or I come find you._ _

I scoff and toss my phone down as I turn to pour the now boiling water into my mug and stir the mixture before I can add sugar and cream to it. I grumble the entire time, alternating between feeling elated that he wants to have lunch together to pissed he’s making it an order for me to be there.

I decide that he’s had things his way for two days but it’s time to get back to reality and I can’t just put my life and plans on hold because of his whims. I need to get back to work and my mostly well ordered life. I take leisurely sips of my coffee and completely ignore the warring going on in my mind and the itch I have to reply to him.

My phone buzzes with another message and this time I see his name flash on the screen as it comes in. I snatch up the phone and click on the message before I have time to change my mind.

__-If I have to come find you it won’t just be you I’ll make life difficult for, little one. Your choice._ _

I let out a yelled growl and stream of curses as I throw my mug at the wall. It shatters and the liquid in it goes in all directions, some even landing on me and burning where it hits but I’m so angry I don’t even care.

Sadie rushes in, eyes still closed from sleep, but backs up as I spin around and brush past her while still yelling in Spanish.

I was going to reply and tell him to fuck off, but this kind of message is best delivered in person.

I yank on my boots, grab my keys and slam out of the door. The entire time I’m stomping my way to the leader offices I’m still verbally fuming out loud.

I have no clue what people think when they see me. I must look like a crazy mess, because if someone gets close they jump back like they’re afraid of me or something.

My hair is up in a crazy and messy bun. I have no bra on, and just a black thin strapped tank top along with my black sleep shorts. I’m muttering in my customary combination of the two languages and I’m shouting ‘ _fuck you Eric Coulter’_ occasionally.

I actually hear one guy tell me to hurry up and get past him with that shit.

I finally make it to the leaders floor. A door opens towards the end of the hallway and out steps Eric. Arms crossed over his chest and a smug smirk on his face. I can see the damn thing from all the way where I’m at. As I get closer my anger elevates even more.

I don’t know why the smirk on his face starts to fade, but it does. By the time I’m standing in front of him he looks angry as hell. He jerks me into the office and slams the door behind us.

We both start to speak, our voices are raised and trying to talk over each other. I don’t know what he’s saying exactly while I’m yelling at him, asking him just who the hell he thinks he is. He doesn’t answer, just continues to gesture wildly at me while scowling. Then I realize what he’s pissed about and the only response I can think of is to grab him by the front of his open vest and jerk him towards me. My back hits the door when his body crashes against mine and I don’t waste time in raising up on my toes and claiming his mouth hungrily.

His complaint about me being dressed like I am where anyone can see me is cut off by the kiss, which he starts to return just as fiercely as I started it. It feels like he’s using whatever feelings he was having and now communicating them with his mouth. Which is fine with me because that’s what I intended to begin with.

I shouldn’t pleased that he was getting worked up about something I was wearing but there is a small part of me that is. Not because I’m okay with him trying to tell me what to do or what’s okay for me to wear at all, but because I could see something in his eyes and the way he was looking at me. It scared me enough that I needed to stop him from saying anything more while at the same time taking something I’ve wanted again so badly.

He groans as I bite on his bottom lip, then takes command of the kiss.

He also scoops me up so that I can wrap my legs around his waist while he backs up, away from the door, and starts to walk.  He’s carrying me and squeezing my ass while we go, kissing the entire time, until we end up at a sitting area that’s in his office.

I expect him to toss me down on the small sofa and then pounce on me. He seems like that type. Instead he plops down onto the sofa with me in his lap and straddling him. Our tongues tangle as we kiss deeply.

One of his hands keeps squeezing and kneading my ass and hips while he pulls me tighter against him. The other hand makes its way up to my hair, where he tugs firmly to free it from the bun I had it in. I moan loudly into his mouth when he then twists it in his hand and pulls my head back, exposing my throat to him.

He greedily moves his mouth down it and begins to lick and suck in all the right places while my hands tangle in his hair. I rock against him needing more, especially of what I feel he has straining to get out to meet me right where I need him most. I feel like I’m about to combust with the heat and how much I need him right now.

Our breathing is ragged and becoming even more so with each second. I can feel the heat of his breath against my skin as he whips the hand he had on my hip up to shove the top of my tank down. Then he scoops my breast up while moving his mouth down at the same time.

He’s released the hold he has on my hair just enough that I can move it to look down and watch him. I see that he’s looking up at me, like he wants to watch me watch him. I bite my bottom lip in anticipation and whimper in impatience as the second seems to last forever before his tongue snakes out and flicks against my stiff nipple.

My eyes flutter closed and my head falls back with my low husky moan of pleasure. I know that was just the beginning. First, he uses his teeth. Grazing and nipping at the taut flesh. Testing how far and hard he can go. My hips rock faster and my moan gets deeper with pleasure when it gets it just right. I feel his smirk against my skin just before he wraps his lips around it completely and sucks, licks, nips and repeats all over again.

I try to gain more friction as my hips move faster and can only groan in frustration when it’s impossible to achieve what I want with both of us still in our clothes. Eric growls into my flesh, letting his own frustration be known. Then he releases my nipple with a plop only to immediately claim my mouth again.

He stands abruptly with me still in his arms towards where his desk is in the room. I gasp into his mouth when I feel and hear the sound of him shoving things off his desk and them hitting the ground. I try to break free from the kiss to take a look at the havoc but I’m barely free before he reclaims my mouth and lowers me to the desk.

I moan with anticipation as he positions me at the edge of it and I move a hand towards his pants only to have it stopped. We both pull back from the kiss, me scowling at him and him frowning with a hungry look in his eyes.

“Not that, not yet. I don’t have the time to do that properly.” He says with real regret and frustration. “But I can at least get you off before I have to go.”

His hand is already moving against me through my sleep shorts as he purrs that last bit out. I bite my lip and shift against his hand. I refuse to beg. But it’s oh so tempting to. It’s right there on the tip of my tongue as he presses his palm into my mound and rubs in a slow circle.

The pendejo knows exactly what he’s doing to me with that knowing smirk lingering at the edges of his mouth. His blue eyes glinting with a dangerous light. He also looks serious and focused, as if this is taking every bit of his willpower to not give me what I really want.

What we both really want.

Eric moves his hand to slide against my thigh and through the wide leg of my shorts then repeats rubbing me with the flat of his palm but this time with only my underwear on.

I whimper for more and Eric finally takes pity on me. He presses his forehead to mine and is breathing heavy as he moves the cotton material to the side and his fingers finally make contact with the slippery mess I’ve become.

“You need this badly, don’t you?” He says on his exhale of breath after he groaned and slid one finger into me.

I can’t answer, I’m to busy moving my hips to get more and moaning into his neck where I moved so I could lick and suck on the vein that’s pulsing there. That stopped and I had no choice but to answer when he withdrew his finger at the same time as grabbing my hair and tugging my head back.

“Tell me you need me.” He demanded in a voice that is raw with hunger and lust.

My face scrunches up with the effort to resist giving in while the throbbing ache inside of me just increases when he flicks his thumb lightly over the swollen nub of my clit. He wasn’t giving in and the throbbing just got worse.

“Sí, maldición. Te necesito ... Quiero decir ... Necesito esto.” I cried out in desperation.

That desperate cry out was turned into a gasp of pleasure once again as he slid not just one finger, but two firmly into me. He pulled my hair again to bring my mouth back to his and swallowed the rest of my cries.

Between the sound of his fingers pumping into my wetness, there was also the sound of his pleased rumblings and my muffled moans. Even as I was building to the release I desperately needed I was also feeling disappointment and longing for more.

Eric tore away from the kiss and held my eyes. “Let go for me, Devi. Come for me now, little one.” His tone was soft but it was all command in delivery. With the power of his own fierce need for me.

I saw this behind the intensity of his eyes that were glittering with it. I felt it in the way he held me in his arms and felt the way he worked to control his body, the clinch, and release of the muscles where they came into contact with me. His labored breathing that had the faint growl under it coming from a face tightened by need.

It wasn’t my words being returned but it was just as potent and it pushed me over that edge I had been hanging on to. My body shook as my voice rang out my pleasure.

“Fuck….yes.” Eric ground out loudly, almost as if he had just come undone himself. He kept pumping in me until I clenched my thighs a little and whimpered with the sensitivity that I started to feel.

He slowed and then pulled his fingers out, kissing me the entire time. I could feel his smile against my lips. I can feel the thud of his heart where I have my hand against his chest and it tells me that he was just as affected by all that as I was.

We start to kiss in a slower, more sensual manner when the door swings open with a thud. I jerk back in surprise and wrench my head around to see who it might be. Marlene stands there with wide eyes, looking between the two of us in surprise, before her expression turns frightened and she stammers over her explanation. I can only imagine the glare being sent her way by Eric right now.

“Sorry...you just...not answering….they’re on their way in...sorry…” She got out in a jumble before she slams the door shut behind her.

“Shit,” Eric mumbles with a sigh.

I turn back to look at him after staring dumbly at the closed door, wondering how long it’s going to take for this tale to circulate Dauntless. I catch Eric just as he lifted his hand to his mouth and sucks his fingers clean and grins widely at my wide eyes and whimper.

“It’ll have to do until I can get a taste straight from the source.” He leaned in and whispered just above my lips before kissing me again.

I flush, moan and clench my thighs together all at the same time as I wrap my arms around his neck and lose myself in his kiss again. We only breakaway when his phone buzzes loudly from its place on his desk.

Eric grunts in disapproval but lets me pull back.

“I still expect you at lunch.” He remarks casually but with narrowed eyes.

I huff and squinted mine right back at him. “Threatening people is not the way to do things.”

He gives a wicked chuckle and shakes his head. “Yeah? Seems to have worked just fucking fine for me before.”

I scowl and push him back as I try to get down from his desk but he grips my hips with a mocking lifted eyebrow.

“No conmigo, no lo harás. Te lo dije antes, no soy una de esas chicas estúpidas …”

He reaches up and grabs my face, all humor has gone as he interrupts me. “And I’ve told you that you are different too. Those girls were never ones I was dating or even considered dating. You alone can say this, Devi.”

My mind is a blank in shock, unable to process this. Somewhere in my mind, I hear yelling for me to say something instead of looking like an idiota. My mind finally kickstarts and I frown at him.

“When did this happen?” I ask him with a scowl.

“What did you think has been happening the last few days?”

“You being an insufferable, demanding ass is what I thought. Never once did you ask me on a date, Eric.”

“Me making us breakfast, me taking on your training myself and taking time off to do it so I could show you how important you are to me. Lunches and dinner together. Those were dates, Devi.”

Of course, Eric would be the type to see those as dates.

I roll my eyes and shove harder this time. “By your definition, they might be. You didn’t even ask me, Eric. You commanded me to be there. I had no choice in the matter. Maybe all those other girls would just be happy to have a minute of your time but I like to have a say in the matter.”

“You had a choice. Four gave you one, and if you had looked like you wanted to take it, I would have known. But you didn’t, Devi. Tell me why you didn’t take the out he gave you if you didn’t want that time with me just as much as I wanted it with you?”

I start to walk around his desk and avoiding answering the question while searching for the keys I know I left my apartment with. I train my eyes on the floor while he follows closely behind me.

When he gets the idea that I’m ignoring him and his question he grabs my arm to stop me.

“Tell me you don’t want to see me. That you don’t want this.” He barks out when he spins me to face him.

“I do dammit! Alright! But you can’t just force me, or think it’s ok to not ask the question, Eric. It’s not okay to just think that what you consider a date is what I consider a date. Did you even think that I might not want to spend an entire day being physically punished and interrogated as well? That if I’m going to go out on a limb here with you and do this dating thing that I’ve sworn never to do again, that I might want some kind of say in it?”

Eric looks thunderstruck for a moment before he pulls me closer and frowns. “I spent time with you in the only way I could justify taking off from the crapton of work I’m under, Devi. I wanted and needed to get to know you better, and that’s my way of doing it. I’m never going to be some soft guy that’s going to sing to you or make love to you under the stars. But I’m also not going to be that guy that will start something with you only as a way to pass time until something better comes along. You aren’t the only one that has the market cornered on fucked up past relationships.”

“How would I know that about you, Eric? You know about me because you forced the answers from me but when did I get a chance to find out anything about you like that? You made me answer those questions but refused to do the same for me. This has all been on your terms.” I spot my keys by the sofa and pull from his grasp to scoop them up. “You wanted to get to know me? Well now you have, and you should have no problem understanding how I feel about having no say in my life.”

He’s still standing there, scowling at me when I open and slip out of the door.

My progress back to my apartment isn’t much better than the way I made it from there this morning. The entire time I’m walking I try to keep myself from hyperventilating or screaming or punching something….maybe all three things at once.

The entire time I’m getting ready for work one phrase keeps running through my mind. The lines of a song Sadie had played on repeat for the first month after a breakup from her last boyfriend.

_‘I’m sitting eyes wide open and I got one thing stuck in my mind. Wondering if I dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life. What is happening to me….’_

  
Fuck...what _is_ happening to me?

 


	5. Part 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Devi avoids Eric after their blow up in his office, but how long can that last and who will be the one to make the first move?

**Part 5**

 

_ “You’ll never believe what I just heard….”  _

The excited voice of Kari drifts to me from outside of the office I’m currently camping out in. 

I don’t need to know what she just heard because the look she cast at me when she hurried by the office lets me know what it is. The story I’ve been expecting and dreading to be circulated has finally hit the rest of Dauntless. My shoulders slump a little, but I can’t take the time to dwell over how the story might have changed and what’s being said I was caught doing with Eric in his office.

Yesterday was a crappy day and it’s not looking like today is going to be any better for me. Truthfully, I can’t blame any of that on work. That’s going great, amazing even. The extra help also came along with some much-needed supplies and a few pieces of equipment to replace the things that were on their last legs. I was even told that it looks like we might be able to get an upgrade to the station that lets us communicate with the doctors in Erudite. 

And all of that is exactly why I have been miserable as hell. Because I know who I have to thank for all of that. I just don’t have the actual nerve to face him and do it. 

As soon as I set foot in the office for debriefing yesterday morning it was loudly announced by a junior leader by the name of Edward, that there are new changes being made, care of leadership, specifically by order of the senior leader.

If that wasn’t bad enough, two of the Erudite nurses were overheard by Kari whispering to each other that they have all been given strict instructions and reminders that I’m the one in charge. Then, later on, I heard them myself as one whispered to the other asking  _ ‘is that her’ _ . 

Rumors about us were already making the rounds, thanks to my performance in the Pit that ended with me in his arms as he carried me out before this latest one hit circulation. Because of this, I had no intention of going to lunch. I don’t think Eric would’ve appreciated me being there either, judging by his angry look when I left him in his office.

My friends had been in constant contact after a worried Sadie sent them a group message telling them something happened between me and Eric but she didn’t know what, only that I came back home looking like fury incarnate. It took a flurry of text messages from my friends to calm them down, while I tried to beg off meeting anyone for lunch. That only ended with Tori knocking on the door of the exam room I was just finishing in, holding up a bag of food and making it clear we would be having lunch together.

I also knew Tori and while us having lunch together isn’t unusual, where she took us to have it was what I call her advice spot. One of the roofs of the compound has been turned into a rooftop garden of sorts. No one knows how or by who it was started but I think it must have been some long ago Amity that wanted a bit of his old home at his new one. It’s covered in soft grass with the odd wildflower here and there. I think that Tori picked this place to take me when we first started having deep conversations because it was like having that bit of home for me too.

The sun and wind are refreshing to me, so for a few minutes I just lay back on the grass and soak them both up while she unpacks our lunch for us. 

Finally, she decides I’ve had enough of my quiet time and pushes my sandwich at me with a sigh. “So, I guess you know I heard a few things this morning.”

I snort and unwrap my food but just sit there looking at it afterward. “I’m sure you heard all about what a psycho bitch I am.”

She chuckles at that and shakes her head. “Neither of those words entered into the description. Although hard-headed, demanding, and frustrating ...those all entered the conversation.” Then she looks at me and laughs. “Now, Uri, on the other hand, might have said something about you looking like a woman who was pushed over the edge and was on your way to take out our fearless leader as you stormed your way through Dauntless. That was just from him seeing you stomp through the pit and hearing you cursing Eric out. He actually called and warned him before you got there.”

I blushed and took a bite of my sandwich and chewed while thinking. It’s quiet while we eat until she lays down her sandwich. I hear her take a breath and release it.

“I don’t know if I’ve said this to you before. I mean, it’s not like I go in for all that sentimental bullshit, but you’re like a daughter to me.” She says softly from beside me.

I swallow and look over at her. She isn’t looking at me but off into the distance. The erudite sector is a faint outline from here but is recognizable all the same. I think that’s also why she comes here at times, some part of her misses her old home too. 

Her admission leaves me at a loss for words. I guess she doesn’t expect any because she continues on without looking at me.

“I never wanted to get close to anyone again after what happened with George. I definitely didn’t want to get close to the lone Amity transfer that Dauntless has had in years, much less a tiny little girl.” She stops and looks over to me and grins. “One look at you slinking your way into my parlor and the defiance you had in your eyes, just daring anyone and everyone to say anything about you being there, got to me. You reminded me of both myself and George. Which of course made me crankier when you wouldn’t just go away.”

We both laugh at that but I can feel tears gathering in the corner of my eyes.

“You still remind me so much of myself, Devi. I just don’t know that it’s a good thing. I’ve held onto my anger and grief for so long that I let it make me hard and jaded. I know you like to tell yourself, and anyone who asks, that your life before in Amity was fine. That you aren’t upset or hurt by what was done to you there. I get that you don’t want to say anything bad about your family and that you still love them. But you got a raw deal in Amity, kiddo. It made parts of you hard that were never meant to be that way for you.”

“It wasn’t all from Amity.” I protest and see her looking at me with those eyes that can cut through all my bullshit.

“No. Some of it you brought on yourself.” She says and raises her chin, preparing for my argument and anger.

She’s right, I feel anger flaring in me violently. “How the hell did I do that? All I did was follow everyone's advice and put myself out there. To give dating and relationships another try, but look where that got me.”

Tori scoffed and looked away. “Because it was all in the choice you made. Out of all those guys that were interested, you picked Charlie. We all warned you about him, Devi. We told you he had an on and off again relationship with Carmen for over five years; and that every time she came up supposedly single again, he would drop whoever he was messing with and go back to her. You knew all of that and you still went for him. I know you sure as hell weren’t crazy or even serious about him, but you hold onto the memory of that failed relationship like its a shield. Why?”

I sit quietly stewing in my anger as I look off into the distance not wanting to admit to myself that everything she said is true. I think back to that time and what drew me to Charlie in the first place.

It wasn’t long after I started going out and socializing that I turned my thoughts to maybe meeting new guys and dating again. If I’m being honest, I was just humoring my friends and didn’t really think there would be anyone interested in me. I agreed more out of the desire to make my new friends happy than anything else. So, when it seemed like there was always some new guy they wanted me to meet or that wanted to meet me, I panicked and realized I wasn’t ready for that, but couldn’t face telling them all this. 

Then one day I met Charlie.

He’s a patrolman that had to come into the clinic to be treated. I liked his smile and his easy-going manner. He asked me to have lunch with him and I accepted, but it was the kind of lunch you have with a new friend rather than a date to me. That lunch led to a few others, then a couple of dinners, then hanging out.

If I’m being completely honest, we weren’t really ever  _ officially _ together. He never asked and I never pushed for that conversation. Being with him got everyone off my back and my friends stopping trying to set me up. I just kind of fell into the relationship with him, really. He wasn’t pushy in his advances but eventually, we did become intimate. I was never crazy attracted to him at all and the sex had been okay. Since he was gone a good majority of the time, it was easy to be  _ ‘together _ ’ with him. 

Why had I picked him? Back then I ignored the warnings and stubbornly refused to listen. Telling myself that I wouldn’t let anyone control my life, or me, ever again.  Then eight months later the safe little world I built for myself came crashing down when I got caught up in  _ his _ drama with his ex. It was a big joke around Dauntless, Carmen’s marriage and constant on/off affair with Charlie. Apparently, she would usually make a big scene and leave her husband for one reason or another then hook back up with Charlie again. This time though, they were caught together by the husband and he was the one that left, for good this time.

She’s right that I knew going in what the likely result would be no matter what lies I tried to tell myself to justify getting together with him. The real reason was that I knew it wouldn’t last and I was okay with that.

“Because I knew it would fail,” I whisper into the breeze but I feel Tori shift beside me and sigh. I turn to look at her and say it more firmly. “I knew it wouldn’t last and I think ...I think I wanted it that way. I knew it would end in him going back to her and that would give me an excuse. It would give me something else or someone else to blame for it. To have a reason why….” I trail off before I finish, ashamed of how weak it makes me feel.

She smiles sadly at me and nods. “To have a reason never to try again.”

I nod and wrap the sandwich up, having lost my appetite. “So it’s all my fault then? What happened with Eric?”

She snorted and then slapped me up the backside of my head. “Did I say that, idiot? Hell no. If anything I’m glad you’ve been standing up to him like you have. He needs someone that’s going to stand up for what she wants and call him out when he’s being an ass.”

“Then why…” I ask frowning but she interrupts me.

“Because you aren’t the only one with a past, Devi. He might not be going about it in the best of ways, but he is trying.” She is looking at me the entire time she’s talking and she tilts her head like she’s debating something. “He asked me about you. I don’t mean just in the last week either. Back when he first made leader, we worked together closely to bring down the Erudite conspiracy, to clean up the mess Max and the other’s created, and to get Dauntless back on track.  I would even say we became friends back then too. That’s when he asked about you, and I could tell there was interest on his part, but I warned him away.”

I frowned deeply and felt anger flashing but she again stopped me. “It wasn’t all to protect you, Devi. Neither of you was in a place where you had moved beyond your past. Hell, you guys might not be even now.”

“What…” I stop in the middle of my thought. Needing to know what could possibly be in his past won out over the thought that I had no right to ask. “What happened to him?”

She shrugged and looked away. “I don’t know the details other than there was a girl back in Erudite who chose someone else. That isn’t my story to tell anyway and it’s not why I wanted to talk to you.” She took a big breath and looked at her hands. “Everyone asks why I never got together with Bud before everything happened with the leaders. The simple answer was because I held on to bitterness and hurt for too long, and by the time I was ready, it was too late. He was gone. I’ll always regret that now. That I didn’t even try with him. I just don’t want that for you. So, even if this thing with Eric doesn’t work, at least you can say you tried.”

She had said what she needed and wanted to say. Then in usual Tori fashion, she moved on to another less emotional topic. It had left me laying in my bed that night, deep in thought and wondering what I really wanted. 

I still haven’t come up with an answer in the light of a new day. I’m not even sure I’ll have the chance to find out, because I still haven’t heard from Eric either. Not that I expected to really. He did say he was going to be busy even before what happened in his office and with the way I left things I don’t think he’s given me another thought.

I shake myself, literally, to clear my head and get back on task.

Morose thoughts and what if’s aren’t going to get the work done that’s still piled up in the office. Inventory needs to be taken. I have a few appointments with some of the older Dauntless to do some physiotherapy. I even talked a few into getting light adjustments and massages. 

So I gratefully plunge myself into it.

When lunch nears I debate my options. 

I can go grab something from a deli, go to the mess, or maybe even head to my apartment and grab whatever we might have there. 

The clinic is taken care of and I’m getting wary, nervous looks from the staff as lunch approaches. That rumor mill is hard at work again and they’ve all heard about the threats to those working here if I don’t take my damn lunch. I decided to at least just leave and make my decision on the way. Before I know it I’m just steps away from the mess hall. I think I already knew where I was going to go.

It has to be bad timing or the universe working against me. As soon as I get close I come even with a group about to enter the mess themselves. It’s a few of the leaders and senior ranked officers of Dauntless, with visitors from Erudite and Eric among them. He looks my way for a second before leaning in to say something to one of the men and then looking my way again. 

No, not just looking my way. He’s now actually breaking off and coming towards me. 

“Devi.” He greets me with a small nod. “Good to see you’re actually taking your lunch breaks now.” He smirks a little when I moodily cut eyes at him.

I shrug and look straight ahead as I resume walking. “Yeah well, you know how I get when I haven't eaten.”

He smiles at this. I feel it before I turn my head to see it. “Indeed I do.” Then the smile is gone and he looks around as we step into the mess. “Would you join us for lunch? I was actually going to contact you, but there’s someone here that it would be good for you to meet with.”

“So this is a business lunch?” I ask and damn myself for the tinge of disappointment I feel.

His jaw clenches and he stops me so that we turn towards each other. “This is me asking you to have lunch at the leader's table.”

Just because I’m fluent in two different languages does not mean that it makes it any easier to adapt to another one. Especially one as convoluted as ‘Eric-speak’. I narrow my eyes and do my best to try and translate the hidden meaning of his words, but he gets impatient and rolls his eyes.

“Okay then. Just remember that I asked first.” He grumbles, grabs my arm and then pulls me along to the leaders level. 

The tiniest smirk escapes me and I repress a laugh at his frustrated grumbling beside me. He doesn’t let go of my arm until he sees me going to take my seat. Then he releases and slides into the seat beside me with the visitors looking at us with interest. 

“Alyssa, Calvin, Elijah...this is Devi; the Head Nurse at the clinic as well as the Physiotherapist.” Eric motions to each of the people at the table. They are all Erudite which is clear by their manner of dress and the way they hold themselves. They each give me a nod of greeting but one eyes me a little critically before Eric continues on. “They are all in charge of different departments within Erudite and are here to assess some things for us. We’re trying to bring things to date and put a few others in place for the faction.”

I nod and smile distractedly at each of them in greeting. My attention is focused mainly on the foods at the table today. The few times I’ve eaten up here with Eric and the others, I’ve definitely eaten better than I usually do. It’s not that it’s fancy really just that the selections are always a bit healthier and lighter than the normal greasy, fried or heavy ones served on the lower level. 

Today that’s taken to a new extreme and the sight of all the fruits and veggies on the table has me drooling. It’s been ages since I’ve had the variety I’m looking at right now.

Tris, Four, and Tori all notice this and laugh at my expression but it’s Tris who speaks up to explain the difference today.

Technically she isn’t a leader. She turned the offer down after she ranked first in her initiation and it went to the second-ranked Edward. She did take an assistant and ambassador position though. It seems like her main role is to be a go-between or mediator for Dauntless and Abnegation. Tensions between the two factions are still high after everything came out about what was planned by the older Dauntless and Erudite leaders, no matter that the war they wanted never happened, many of her old faction are still wary of us.

Tris is the daughter of the main councilman, which is Abnegation’s title for their Senior leader. Their relationship and her having been well-liked and looked up to in her old faction helps to smooth things over. Her dad is a bit of a dick though. Even she admits that he’s difficult to work with. Her mom is really cool and part of why things are working out better now. Not only is she just an amazing person, but she was also Dauntless before she transferred. I might be biased when it comes to Tris’ mom though, considering she was the one that helped me decide to go where I belonged.

I will always remember her mom’s caring and kindness the day she held me as I cried while feeling like my world was ending.

“Usually when we have visitors the cooks add a bit more variety to the normal menu,” Tris says with a laugh and hands me the bowl of a summer fruit salad that had me internally moaning. 

I eagerly take it and start to scoop some onto my plate.

“Then you guys definitely should come to visit more often. I haven’t had this since before I got here.” I say as I smile widely and reach for the next platter of food to take from.

“I take it that you were a transfer?” The Erudite woman asks with derision dripping from the words. 

Eric tenses up beside me and across from me, I see Tori eyeing the woman like she’s seconds from snatching the hair from her head. Guess it’s a good thing there are three people between those two.

I look at Alyssa with a raised chin and smile proudly at her. “I found my way home from Amity.”

The man named Elijah interrupts whatever his faction-mate was going to say in reply. His eyes are almost appraising while he’s smiling at me. “That’s impressive. Amity going to Dauntless has always been the most difficult transition to make. It speaks to just how accurate you are that you made it. You had to be a true Dauntless to achieve that.”

“She is,” Eric says firmly after swallowing his bite of food. 

It seems to be a warning or threat directed at two of the Erudite. Alyssa and Calvin give him curt and respectful nods while Elijah is just grinning at Eric, almost as if he’s teasing him or amused by his defense of me.

“So she is.” He agrees softly and turns his attention to his plate. 

I let out a breath and exchange looks with Tori who is smiling for some reason, then just shrug and dig into my food. I’m used to my friends carrying on conversations during meals and that extended to what I know happens during meals at the leader's table. I know what to expect when they all startup and at first I just listen to the conversations going on around me.

“I hope the new staff additions have been of help to bring the clinic back to where it’s at least manageable now,” Elijah says, catching my attention and forcing me to take part in the various conversations going on.

This catches me off guard because I really didn’t think there was going to be anything I could engage an Erudite in conversation over. I guess my expression says this plainly because he smiles at me in apology. 

“I’m sorry, I guess our titles or departments weren’t given in our introduction. By profession, I’m a doctor, but I stepped away from practicing when leadership asked to help get things back on track with our own faction. I also now head up the Health Services Department. One of my department's roles is to work with the other factions and their own health services if they have them or to stand in if they don’t. I’m sure you are well aware that cooperation has sadly fallen way behind and now it’s my job to see that it gets back on track. Since you’re the Head Nurse, this will see us working together fairly closely.”

He seems happy about that fact, or at least he was smiling as he said it. There’s something in his eyes though. Something nagging and familiar about the way he looks at me, appraising me even. I can’t place why they seem so familiar but I also don’t spend a lot of energy trying to. 

Not when I’m faced with the person that can finally hear about my ideas and has the ability to...maybe...see that they get put in place. 

Elijah has a small smirk tilting his lips as I switch from just concentrating on eating to excitedly launching into conversation with him. We go back and forth with ideas I have, as well as some of his own. When we get to the topic of our members being forced to go to the factionless when they either get to a certain age or too infirm, Tori and Tris join in since this is something they’ve had on their agenda to get changed as soon as possible.

It turns out that all the leaders in Dauntless are on board with that change. It’s also been approved by the city council. The problem is that the elderly and disabled members lose the ability to safely navigate the compound. It becomes dangerous with poor mobility or sight. There are even some cases of dementia and other diseases that affect the mind. In these instances, getting to and from places like the mess hall and clinic become risky ventures.

Before the end of lunch, I’ve already been informed that Elijah will be coming to the clinic to take a tour. I’ve also been invited to join the Dauntless group that will be going to Erudite where I will have the opportunity to tour the facilities and make further plans for my clinic. 

One lunch accomplished more for the clinic than anyone has been able to do in years. To be honest, this is leaving me dazed. I’m a combination of giddy, nervous, confused, and even a little... unsettled... by this new development. 

My slight discomfort might have been because Elijah seemed to be very familiar with all the reports and requests I’ve made over the years; paying special attention to the ones that weren’t the standard ones but things that I’ve come up with ideas and plans on how to solve. I think it was more to do with the fact that the entire time Eric had a smug and pleased smile as he sat silently beside me and watched the two of us closely with a hint of pride shining in his blue eyes anytime they met mine.

I’m not used to that from Eric when we’re around others. His normal demeanor is possessive, jealous even, that he doesn’t even bother to try hiding. I’ve even seen him come close to a pout when I’ve given anyone besides him attention at those lunches I shared with him here before. 

“See you soon,” Eric declared when I got up to leave lunch and hurry back to the clinic. I could only give a nodded response and hope I didn’t look like a fool when I scampered away hurriedly.

 

* * *

  
I whipped into the clinic like a hurricane, barking out orders and rushing to complete my own tasks. I wouldn’t say that I’m acting as bad as someone like Lynn, who is a complete hardass that takes no shit and has been known to kick some literal ass when someone in her patrol units fails to take her seriously, but I’ve been told I can be pretty bad at times.

Kari and Devin knew what was up the second I burst through the door and they knew better than to even try and give me any crap. They know when they can be playful and talk back or crack jokes and when not to. Some of the Erudite nurses try to mouth off when I give the order than anyone not attending to a patient will be cleaning, trying to tell me that’s not in their job description, but I take care of that pretty quickly.

The leaders haven’t cared to do a formal inspection of the clinic in years but I’m treating this visit like it will be. I’m just as busy as all the others I assign to tasks. I start in the office to get it cleaned up and at least organize the paperwork that’s still waiting to be done. After I take care of that and move on to the storerooms. Those are always a priority and don’t need much so I move on to getting the private exam rooms and other parts of the clinic clean.

By the time Elijah is due to arrive we have everything looking as sparkling as it can get, all the beds have been made with crisp sheets, and drawers that hold our supplies have all been organized and stocked. I can’t do anything about how the majority of our equipment and the clinic itself looks old and worn out, but I’ve made sure it’s all as presentable as I can get it. 

Shauna came in after I messaged her and helped and when we got the clinic itself sorted I turned to the staff and started ordering everything to get themselves straightened up and change if their scrubs are too dirty. Thankfully we have a stock of scrubs so that’s not too hard for the Dauntless staff. 

She walks along with me, giving everything and everyone a once over and lets out a relieved sigh when I give a curt nod of approval before breaking out into a smile. 

Elijah isn’t alone when he arrives but with how Eric announced for the entire table he would be seeing me again, I think I knew that he wouldn’t be. It isn’t just Eric and Elijah though and as soon as I see Harrison, one of the only old leaders that still remain, I know that the clinic is about to have its first inspection in years.

I snap out the order for attention and to present for the inspection. My Dauntless staff respond perfectly. All the Erudite, Elijah included are startled by the command and look at a loss for what to do but that doesn’t stop Eric and Harrison from looking pleased. Harrison gave a brusque nod and grunt of approval while Eric smirked briefly before they both got started on doing the personnel inspections. When Eric looked over to me at one point as I watched him do what was expected as a commanding officer, look over all the staff first, I felt a shiver of pleasure at the heat and pride in his eyes.

“At ease.” He finally gave the order to the room in general. “Devi, let’s show our guest around. Harrison, Shauna, you two go over the premises for safety and equipment checks.” 

I nodded and move forward to join Elijah then began to show him all the clinic. We discussed everything in regards to the limitations we had and what the clinic is supposed to be able to do. He had an assistant trailing behind us typing furiously what Elijah was saying in regards to what would need to be addressed first. Eric was following along and interjected as well about there having been plans once to move the clinic location to provide a better facility and to make it easier to access.

The problem with the current location is that it’s in a part of the compound that has only one route in and one route out and that’s deep inside Dauntless. When someone is really hurt they have to go all that way costing crucial seconds.  

I listen as the talk between themselves turns to not just moving the clinic but the fact that there should be live in staff from Erudite instead of the few that would deign to show up a few days of the week and only for a few hours at that. I can feel the blood in my veins beginning to boil when I think back on all those times when just having a nurse or doctor on staff could have made such a difference in the lives of the people here at Dauntless. 

When I think about the lives lost that we couldn’t save at the clinic because we just weren’t equipped or trained to.

“So you're telling me that we are supposed to have at least one doctor and three nurses from Erudite here? That they are supposed to be residing in Dauntless housing as well?” I try to keep the anger from my tone but I’m sure Eric picks up on it. Elijah doesn’t and answers for me.

There is something in the way his jaw tightens and his lips thin when he answers that distracts me for a moment but it passes quickly. “That was the idea, and about fifteen years ago there were actually a few Erudite that lived and worked on Dauntless premises full time. There is no record of why that stopped at that time other than it was a mutual decision. It might take some time but we are hoping to be able to arrange for that again.”

Talk turned to how that might be possible and carried on for the rest of the tour. Before he left, Elijah confirmed with me that I would be going to Erudite with a group of Dauntless and assured me I would be invited to spend the day with Elijah touring his department and other relevant areas.

Eric was hesitant to leave and I could tell he was trying to get a moment alone but it wasn’t possible. Instead, he just said he would be seeing me soon and left with the others.

He left me wondering and waiting, as I went to sleep that night hoping for a least a message from him and I hated that I felt so crushed when one never came.

 

* * *

I run my hand over the dress hanging on the back of my door and let out a tired sigh. The excitement of shopping for and picking out a new dress has finally worn off and back to where I started my evening out at. I hated admitting that not hearing from Eric once since he left my clinic two days ago got to me, but it did. At dinner in the mess I once again found myself looking out for him even though I know he and the other leaders have been out of the compound for various meetings. I’ve been alternating between telling myself I don’t care, being livid at him, and denying how it feels like my heart is breaking a little. 

Before I left the mess hall, with Vera in tow, to go do a bit of what she calls ‘retail therapy’, I decided to write off anything further with Eric. 

I finger the material of the outfit I picked out for tomorrow and smile a little. When I picked it out with Vera’s help, I had been going for something that would still look Dauntless but that would meet and Erudite’s standards of being sharply dressed. 

I toyed with the idea of going with a pantsuit, even trying on a few of them, but with my height, I didn’t care for how much shorter they made my legs look. What I finally settled on is actually a dress and jacket combination. It isn’t outrageous or too sexy, although there is a definite Dauntless flair to it. Its what Vera called a little black dress and is a spaghetti strapped bodycon dress that goes to an inch above my knees. The neckline is a sweetheart that has a very slight v dipping in the center where it gives a peek of cleavage. Over the dress, I picked out a black pinstripe blazer to give it more of a professional look and for my own touches, I’m adding my metal belt and a new pair of heels that have a matching pinstripe pattern as the blazer.

I tried not to think of Eric at all when I was shopping, but I can admit now as I get ready for bed that he was always at the back of my mind. 

I hope he sees me and feels something. Maybe even feeling regret at letting me go? After all, if I’m feeling regret then I’m going to make damn sure that he does too.

 

* * *

  
I wake up even earlier than I would normally. I have a plan to present a sleek look and that means straightening my hair. Not an easy or quick task. 

Sadie, god love her, even volunteered to help. So in thanks for that, I decided to drag my butt out of bed and head to my favorite place to get breakfast treats and coffee for us. They’re always open at ass early in the morning since they have to begin baking early for the morning patrol and guard shifts heading out.

I know that I look a mess right now since I’m still in my pajamas and my hair is falling in tangles I don’t bother to try and tame right now. I just shove my feet into the closest pair of shoes, which happens to be my work shoes, and stumble out of the apartment. 

I’m oblivious to anything else but the thought of getting coffee and a few of those bear claws that I love so much. The last time they were out by the time I made it in. I get caught up in sending up muttering threats that they better have them since I’m up so damn early just to get them and I don’t notice the person that I brush past. It isn’t until I hear his bellowed curse and he yanks me back and to him that I realize who it is.

“Goddammit, Devi.” A disheveled and sweaty Eric growls out lowly while walking me backward towards the wall in the hallway near my apartment. 

“What?” I ask in confusion as I try to push him away from me. 

“What did I say about you walking around like that the other morning?” He asks while pressing his body against mine, making me move back into the dark and against the wall no matter that I was trying to resist. All fight seemed to go out of me and I couldn’t tell you why I was trying to fight in the first place when every inch of my skin went to fire as soon as we made contact. 

Maybe it's because Eric makes me feel wild and out of control every single time we touch and I don’t know how to handle that. 

“I thought I told you I don’t care what you don’t like or don’t like me wearing? What does it matter anyway? I’m just grabbing coffee and donuts before getting ready for the trip to Erudite today. I’m not about to get dressed just to go back and get dressed. Makes no sense.”  

He doesn’t answer me and I don’t know if he really even heard me. His mouth is getting closer to mine and his nostrils are flared while he breathes in deep ragged breaths. He’s feeling the same desire I am, maybe even the same pent up frustration that I’ve been feeling since this whole thing started as well. That thought just serves to piss me off because he hasn’t bothered to even try and contact me at all. 

So, I make another attempt to shove him away, hard, but he only catches my hands and forces them above my head.

“What does it matter to you, Eric? It isn’t like you’ve even said one word to me outside of that trip to the clinic.” He covers me with his body while he brushes his nose against my neck and his teeth graze my ear. 

“What did you want me to say to you, little one? That I couldn’t get you out of my fucking mind the entire time I was at Candor?” His words come out in a low rumble. He shifts so that one of his hands are still pinning both of mine to the wall while the other he reaches out and grips the back of my neck.“Should I have told you that I was distracted the entire fucking visit to the prison by wondering what you were doing and if you were actually fucking eating instead of overworking?” 

His mouth claims mine for a fierce and passionate kiss before he breaks away with a growl.

“Do you want me to tell you that I spend a ridiculous amount of time with my hand wrapped around my cock while I’m thinking about you? Or how fucking maddening it is when I remember every time I’ve finally had you just where I’ve fucking wanted you…” He thrusts his hips forward and pulls back to look at me, his eyes blazing into mine. “But I never seem to be able to do what I want most. Do you want me to tell you that I still have the taste of you on my lips and that I crave more, or how I can’t wait to find out if you are as tight and wet around my cock as you were around my fingers?”

I whimper at the heat of his words and body as they crash into me. He shifted us while speaking so that now I’m practically straddling a thigh so hard and massive it can’t be real. I press forward, moving my chest that short distance from mine to his as I inhale the intoxicating scent of him.

It’s obvious he had either been out of a run or a work out in the training room. He’s dressed in a black shirt running shorts and a black shirt that has the sleeves cut off. The shirt is drenched in sweat, making it cling to his body. It should be disgusting to have his sweaty, messy body pressing against mine, to have his thigh pressing hard against me, making me become impossibly wet and aroused, but honestly, it just turns me on even more.

“Something is better than nothing. Especially when I thought you changed your mind after your office.” I manage to finally whisper my response to his admissions in a moment of being completely vulnerable just before his lips cover mine. 

My eyes flutter closed as I sigh into his mouth and our tongues slide against each other. His leg presses into me again and I moan when it registers that his shorts have ridden up, and all that tight bare flesh is pressing into me. My hips move on their own while Eric breaks away from the kiss and starts to kiss and lick along my neck.

“I've waited far too long for this to let you get away from me that easily, Devi” He murmured against my lips after moving back to them. “Why is it that when I finally have you like this, I never have the goddamn time to follow things through?” He says in a guttural groan full of frustration.

I let out a disappointed whimper but he grips the back of my hair and makes me look at him while still moving my hips along his leg with his other hand making me grind against him. 

“Dinner.” He growls and pulses up making me gasp out my response.

“What?” 

“I have to have dinner at Erudite tonight and I want you with me.” 

The non-lust filled and the completely hormonal portion of my brain is blaring an alarm at the command posing as a question. I take a breath that has a moan in it because, oh fuck he is biting my lip now…

Eric brushes his nose against mine and lets out a sigh of my name. “Devi.” His lips brush against mine again briefly. “I am trying.” 

I barely make out his whispered words over the thudding of my own heart and panting but they hit something inside of me. “Yes.” I whimper out as he presses his forehead to mine. 

He presses his lips against my mouth and I feel them curl up into a smile when he does. It doesn’t bother me because I know that behind the cockiness of that smile is happiness. I can feel it in his kiss. I can feel it in his hands as they grip my hip and hair tighter. 

If I thought he had been taking me over the edge before I was wrong. Somehow my shorts have shifted so that only the damp scrap of my black silk underwear is between his bare thigh and my pussy, and they seem to melt away from our combined heat. 

I grip his shoulders and help his motions along as I feel a tightening in my spine that radiates to my toes, making them curl in my shoes. My body starts to shake and I feel his chest rumble with pleasure as my climax rushes through me and I cry out into his mouth.

I don’t know how long it takes me to come down from the high but we holds me locked in place, kissing me with my head cradled in his hands. When we finally come up for air it hits me what I’ve done out in the open for anyone to see and I flush in embarrassment and the start of a little bit of shame. 

“Do you really think I would allow that?” Eric demands of me softly after he takes my chin in his hands and makes me look at him after I hissed that thought out in a curse at him and tried to push away from him. “No one gets to see or hear you that way but me, little one.” He rasped out with his nostrils flaring and eyes darkened.

It’s then that I realize, not only did Eric position us far enough back in the alcove that no one would see us, but that he is also standing guard in front of me, completely shielding me from being seen. 

I nod a little then flush in pleasure when he tenderly starts to help me straighten up only to give a sharp gasp when he finishes by reaching out and pinching one of my hardened nipples straining against the material of my sleep top. I snap my eyes to his and am about to let him have it when I see he’s not even looking at me. He’s focused on where his finger was that he now has his hand covering. He groans and licks his lips then looks straight in my eyes and yanks my keys from the pocket of my shorts and pulls me along with him the short distance to my apartment. He gets the door open and me pushed in before I can think to protest at all, the door slamming behind us.

“Which one is yours?” His arms snakes around my waist. I point into the direction just before he lifts me in his arms so that my legs wrapped around my waist and our mouths crash together in a hungry kiss.

“I thought you said you didn’t have time for anything?” I panted once he released my mouth the kiss and pushed my door open with his foot.

“I’m making time to get a real taste of you, Devi.” He tosses me onto the bed and my body bounces up. He already yanked my shoes off, but they were barely on my feet, to begin with. Then he immediately moved his hands to my shorts, yanking them down before my back hit the bed again. 

He tosses them to the side without once taking his eyes off of me. I’ve heard the saying that someone was feasting their eyes on someone but never experienced before until now with Eric and had a feeling that his mouth was going to soon follow that expression.

Eric leans over me his hands pulling me closer to the edge while he brushes his lips down my body, starting from where my shirt is bunched up and exposing my stomach down until his nose brushes just above my swollen sex.

“So fucking perfect.” I feel him breathe the words against me. “Goddamn, you already smell addicting.” He lifts his head and looks at me as he pulls me until my ass is right at the edge of the bed. “Did you know you taste sweet with just a hint of spice? Fucking mouthwatering.” 

I can’t find a response to that as he sinks down to his knees and runs his fingernails up my legs slowly. I go into a full body blush at his words and the way I’m so exposed right now. 

I’ve never been spoken to like that before or even during sex but the raw hunger in his words and eyes has me instantly moaning and trying to clench my thighs together.  

“Show me you want this, little one. Open up.” He commands me.

“I do want this, Eric,” I respond after only a second of hesitation but only open my legs a tiny amount.

“Then show me,” He challenges me with his words and that infuriating lifted eyebrow of his.

I bite my lower lip and decide to do one better than just opening my legs. Before I can really think about what I’m doing, I lift my feet so that each one is on either side of his head, resting on his shoulders. I even moved even further towards him so that my legs were spread wide open. I’m breathless by the time I stop moving and look at him with what I hope is a challenging return look, but I’m pretty sure my face is in flames at the moment.

His answer is licking his lips before they twist into a wicked grin. He grips my thighs and pulls me so that my ass comes off the bed and his breath is heavy on my swollen lips. 

“Now watch,” He growls before he lunges towards my center. 

My legs are trembling the instant he issues that command and it gets worse the second his tongue swipes up my folds in a teasing, tasting motion. I feel like I’m already going to break apart and I know he’s just getting started. It leaves me wondering what it's going to be like when we finally do fuck.

That’s the last sane thought I have as his mouth and tongue proceeds to devour me just like I thought he would. I tried not to look away from him but my eyes keep rolling up out of pleasure and long moans are torn from me.

Each time I lose eye contact with his eyes that are like blue daggers piercing into me, his fingers dig into the flesh of my thighs and he growls into my while shaking his head from side to side slightly. 

I curse him while trying not to beg him to make me come while those eyes shine with pleasure the entire time. He brings me to the edge twice, each time leaning back with a smug grin just before I’m about to explode. I know he wants me to beg and he won’t give in until I do. 

I hate him at this moment. I hate how much control he has over my body and me. But it seems to drive my desire for him even higher.  

“Por favor,”

I don’t know what makes him decide I’ve had enough torture. It could have been my broken and breathlessly whispered plea but something in his eyes soften before he leans back and nuzzles me before diving back in and the descent into madness truly begins.

His tongue vibrates against my clit as he slides one that quickly has a second joining it. It didn’t take me long to get to the edge again. I could feel it start with the tightening up and down my spine, making me arch off of the bed and grip the sheets tightly and crying out that I’m close. Eric lifts his head, turning to place a soft kiss on each of my thighs and raises up, while still moving his fingers inside of me, pumping into me with a bit more force and hooking them so that they rub right against my g spot.

He moves so smoothly, like liquid, until his mouth is hovering over mine and he never once stopped moving inside of me. “Devi,” His deep gruff voice vibrates from his lips to mine where they are brushing against each other. “Come.” 

And I do. So hard that I feel like it rushes out of me and coats his hand as I call out his name before he swallows that and the rest of my cries in a kiss that we linger over until it turns into a languid brushing of lips.

I’m still reeling from the hardest orgasm I’ve ever had and it takes me a second to realize that Eric stopped kissing me and moved away. I raise my head from the bed with a frown, half expecting that he’s leaving but see that he’s actually headed into my bathroom. A second later I hear water running then shuts off and he walks out with a washcloth in his hand. I raise up on my elbows in slight confusion then gasp and blush when he kneels down and gently runs the soft cloth over my thighs and sex. He chuckles and leans down to place a kiss right below my navel then helps me to slide my shorts back on.

When he stands up, he also takes my hand to help me sit up on the bed. Bringing me eye level with a very large bulge in his shorts, making me eye it and him hungrily again. I have a desire to return the favor but Eric has other plans when he bends down and picks up the underwear I was just wearing and puts them in his pocket with no shame while my mouth drops open in shock and my eyes snap to his. He smirks and shrugs at me in response.

“Call them a rain check voucher for that return favor you were just contemplating.” He sighs and helps me stand up. “Until then I guess another cold ass shower is in my future.” He grumbles more to himself than to me.

“Sorry, not sorry,” I sass him with a, hopefully, carefree shrug and smiling widely when I really I’m feeling as frustrated as he is right now despite having just come. He squeezes my hand quirks a smile as I walk him to the door. It isn’t until he has it open and is about to walk out of it that I remember what I was going to do before he stopped me and now I don’t have time for. “Dammit, I was going to get shit from the bakery and now I can’t!”

He looks over his shoulder at me with a shit eating grin. “Sorry, not sorry.” He winks at me and laughs when I scowl and slam before the door of my apartment in his face. I hear him chuckling through the door and then calling out to me that he’ll see me soon.

I bite my bottom lip to stop a stupid grin from crossing my face and fail. I yell out for Sadie to wake up and rush to my bathroom, even more determined to look my best for the day, especially since I have an unexpected dinner date with Eric.

 


	6. Part 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Devi and Eric head to Erudite. What surprises wait for her there and will what she finds make or break their budding relationship?

**Part 6**

 

I already knew that this visit to Erudite was going to be something new for me. Since getting to Dauntless the only times I’ve left the compound were mainly during initiation and the handful of times I’ve had to accompany patrol units as a medic. What I wasn’t aware of was how much of a different Eric I was about to see. 

 

It wasn’t that  _ he _ is different, but the fact that he’s being treated differently by Erudite than I’ve ever seen before. For one, they sent their own cars for the Dauntless leaders and other members that are going today. The only transportation we have to provide for ourselves are the trucks with the guards that will be traveling with the convoy. 

 

Then there is how we’re greeted by the drivers of the cars.  They’re being respectful to all the leaders but with Eric they are almost deferential, looking to him for approval and confirmation as we all get into the vehicles. I could tell they weren’t expecting the trucks of guards that pulled up alongside us, but when Eric informed them they would be taking the lead and the rear, they made no argument even when I could tell it made them nervous.

 

It’s been just under two years since the unrest occurred, things are still tense and Dauntless doesn’t believe in taking any chances. I haven’t seen the tensions with the other factions myself, being compound bound as I’ve been with my workload, but I’ve heard all about it. I’ve heard the warnings for anyone traveling outside of the compound to be on the alert. I also know enough to know that Erudite had always acted superior to all factions, even Dauntless, who was supposed to be their greatest ally. In the past, cars being sent to pick up other faction leaders would never have happened. 

 

If I was expecting any kind of reaction from Eric when I showed up, I’m sorely disappointed. He barely acknowledges me other than making sure to pull me to the same car as he’s riding in. We don’t talk during the ride. His normal stiff and scowling demeanor is at an all-time high and I don’t even try to engage him while he’s like this. 

 

It’s almost unbearably silent inside the car, with only the slight and almost imperceptible rustle of the fabric of his uniform when he shifts beside me. When this happens, I glance out of the corner of my eye at him while holding my tablet reading over my notes and emails, trying to prepare for the visit. Really this is me trying to distract myself from my disappointment that Eric hasn’t said one word to me about how I look and this makes me more upset with myself for it than I am at him. 

 

I’m pouting for fuck's sake and I don’t like it! I’m not this girl, I swear, not normally anyway. 

 

I’m not the kind of girl that gets upset if people don’t notice a new hairdo or outfit. Most days I could care less about doing any of that even when I’m not at work. Something about Eric brings out all kinds of things in me. I want to know if he sees me, really sees me, and that he likes what he sees. For the first time, I want to be beautiful or just feel like I am when he looks at me. 

 

I’m eventually able to ignore all those thoughts and feelings so I can focus on preparing for my visit. Elijah, or Eli as he told me to call him, and I have exchanged more than a few emails since his visit to Dauntless and my clinic. We’ve come up with quite a list of things we would like to accomplish but I know some of them are going to be hard sells to make to the faction, never mind how difficult it will most likely be to get the council to approve it. Regardless, I can’t wait to get started with today’s visit to Erudite’s facilities.

  
  


We arrive there much sooner than I expected. I guess with the cars taking a direct route it isn’t hard to be faster than the train that has to snake and loop its way through the city to get anywhere. 

 

The first and only indication so far from Eric that I’m something other than just another faction member is when we go to get out of the car. I’m sitting on the same side of the car as the driver, so it was only practical for him to open my door first. The poor guy was only doing his job when he did that and offered me his hand to help me out, but that didn’t stop Eric from growling and stomping his way over, then glaring the driver away. By the time I’m out of the car, his expression is blank again but I don’t miss that he stays close or the hand hovering at the small of my back or the heat coming from it even if it never actually makes contact.

 

We walk forward, with his eyes narrowed and set on the welcoming party straight ahead that are waiting to greet us. The welcoming committee consists of a lot of people that I don’t know combined with the ones that I got to meet during their visit. 

 

The newly elected main leader for Erudite, Cara stands out in front of the group with Eli just behind her. Out of the group those two are the only ones that I could say look at all ‘welcoming’. While Cara doesn’t smile her expression isn’t nearly as cold and emotionless as almost everyone else in the Erudite. Elijah glanced at me and smile a little before turning his attention to the others while Eric shifted beside me, getting even closer for the duration of the greetings. 

 

Tori is the one that returns the greetings. Her manner gruff and no-nonsense. It’s clear she is eager to get this over with and is irritated by having to put up with pomp and ceremony that the Erudite seemed determined to follow no matter what. I couldn’t decide if I was more amused, impatient or fascinated by the entire thing.

 

I know that most of the Dauntless would be pissed if I ever suggested this, but there are some things that my old faction share with my new one. One of them being a more casual attitude about most things. Formalities aren’t really a thing for us unless it comes to something that requires them, like the inspection that the clinic had recently or when outside of the compound there is an expected level of military preciseness. That expected behavior might explain how the other Dauntless around me are being or it could be a subtle reminder of the last time Dauntless was here and what happened. 

 

Apparently, when the Erudite and Dauntless responsible for planning a coup of the government discovered that they were going to be ousted and brought in for justice, they resisted and fought back. We got lucky that there weren’t that many Dauntless involved and that they decided they would stand their ground in Erudite by barricading themselves inside the tower. It took an assault to end the standoff. The building took a lot of damage and the only people lost were those Erudite that stood with the Dauntless trying to bring in the traitors and the traitors themselves, whether they died on that day or later after they were tried and executed for their crimes. 

 

Erudite had torn down and rebuilt their tower which is fitting since the city seems to be going through the same process as well. I can’t help but be in awe of what I see as we move through the building.

 

In an effort to at least seem more open than before the entire first floor is constructed of rooms done mainly in glass that has a slight blue tinge to it, only interrupted by the columns that help to hold everything together.

 

The library, or at least a good portion of Erudite’s library, is now open for display and use to all factions. It’s a vast room where shelf after shelf of paper books can be browsed through. These are the books that they don’t allow to leave Erudite as they are considered valuable. There is a section in the library that has stations set up with a computer that people can go and browse through a much larger digital library. From there they can print sections or entire books to take home and keep after purchasing. 

 

The Amity in me is thrilled when I notice works of art and sculptures arranged throughout the large room. I knew that Erudite boasted about their ability to maintain pre-war works of art and that they had so many of them stashed away, but I had never thought they would be open to actually sharing them with the other factions. 

 

It looked like that was part of their efforts to play nice with now and I for one made a note to try and come back to take advantage of that. I did notice that while blue was the primary color found on people wandering around this area, there were other faction colors as well, mainly Abnegation and Candor. 

 

The same could be found in the next area we toured. This one wasn’t as large as the library but it was still pretty large. In it, there were rows of sleek tables that had computer terminals set up that anyone could use, not just Erudite. As we enter one of the leaders that was in charge of this informs us that a similar one is being constructed in the Hub and the school so that travel to Erudite isn’t required to be able to access them. It’s mentioned that this should allow school-aged kids to be able to complete their research and projects more efficiently, but honestly, I can imagine most of them will be using it for entirely different purposes.

 

I make this observation out loud when I see more than a few Dauntless huddled together around various stations laughing and cutting up. 

 

The smirks and quiet chuckles of the other Dauntless around me let their agreement be known before they go back to looking all business. Maybe it’s my Amity upbringing that I don’t even bother to try and mask my emotions as we go through each area. I make comments here and there and don’t hold back when I have something snarky or sarcastic to say, just like I don’t hold back my enjoyment of things either. I do try and keep the volume down though so that Elijah is really the only person that hears any of it. It also helps that I stay near the back of the group and he’s been keeping me company the entire time. I feel a bit out of place and useless when everything is so business-like and stuffy. 

 

At least Eli seems to be enjoying my company while Eric stays at the front of the group. I catch him looking my way from time to time, sometimes even looking back at me while we are walking. His expression isn’t much different but at times he looks annoyed. I’m not sure if that’s because I’m not even attempting to stick by him or because of my behavior. Maybe it’s both. A few times he looks over at Eli with something like jealousy in his eyes. 

 

I hate the slight surge of happiness that causes in me. I don’t want to make him jealous but these are practically the only breaks in that mask he wears that let me know he feels anything for me. 

 

Despite how stuffy everyone else is being I’m enjoying myself, which is not something I really expected to do in Erudite. It feels good to be out of the compound and exploring. I wouldn’t say I’m having fun really. I don’t think that’s a word Erudite truly know the meaning of but Eli seems to be the exception to that. He’s making this experience fun in his own way.

 

There is something about him that both draws me in, makes me comfortable with him, and unsettles me at the same time that I can’t pinpoint but find myself trying to as we go along and the more observe the more curious I am that someone like him is in Erudite.

 

For instance, he’s really built when compared to all the other men I’ve seen in this faction. I know some of it is natural, probably passed on from either one of both of his parents but he also looks like he might also do things to maintain it. He’s by no means as built as someone as in Dauntless, with obvious and bulging muscles, but he has enough that even in his suit I can make them out. 

 

Then there is his personality. It’s clear that Eli is intelligent, highly intelligent at that considering that he became a doctor at such a relatively young age. But for all of that he doesn’t act like that makes him better than everyone else like any other Erudite would. He’s free with his smiles and laughter. Even when I make a crude joke or comment, at least what anyone else from his faction would consider crude, he doesn’t get offended at all. He just chuckles a deep, warm chuckle and then makes a return comment.

  
  


We make our way up, floor by floor and taking way more time than a simple tour should take. It’s a testament to how much I’m enjoying Elijah’s company that it takes me forever to realize this fact but even then I don’t really wonder what could be the reason behind our slow progress and the methodical exploration of each floor. By the time I start to wonder, we’ve made it to the third floor where offices and research stations begin.

 

The walls are no longer made of glass. Once we got to the second floor there were less of those and more solid walls but here on the third floor, they are completely gone. Cara gives the explanation that this is to provide the proper environment for the research being done in the rooms, which I can understand. However, they did make efforts to keep that same feeling of not trying to hide things. At each of the rooms that held labs or research areas, there was a section of the wall that had a large piece of glass inserted in the center. At first, I didn’t see how a dark blue tinted piece of glass could be considered anything but still hiding things. That’s until Cara placed her hand on the right corner of the glass and tapped a code into the keyboard that appeared as soon as she touched the surface. I watched as the tint faded and a clear view of the entire room could be seen from the glass. 

 

_ This _ was when I realized that this tour is really something else than a simple tour of the newly rebuilt tower. This is when I realize Erudite is being inspected. This is also when I realize how much power Eric has at or over this faction. 

 

With each new room, we come to Cara would cast a glance at him with an unspoken question. He either gives a small nod or doesn’t make any moves at all, it’s random and I never know which one he would pick. When he does give that terse nod of his head, Cara would repeat placing her hand on the glass and allowing us to see inside the room. Sometimes she would also do something to the glass that had actual information for those gathered. 

 

The upper floors are reserved for those things that are considered higher priority or potentially dangerous. At every single one of the rooms we stop at on the higher floors it’s Eric who puts his hand to the screen, not Cara, and not a single one of the Erudite look upset or bothered by this.

 

I’ve never known what had Eric turn against the leaders in Dauntless that were working with the Erudite. I heard from Four plenty of times his theory that Eric did it because of his desire for power, but I never believed it. Even when it seemed like that to everyone else after Eric was made Senior Leader of the faction over older members like Tori. I guess it helps that I know Tori turned that Senior Leader position down and almost turned down leadership completely but agreed to Second in Command after Eric asked her to.

 

I always had this idea that Eric did what he did mostly because of the plans those traitors had for Dauntless, making them mindless drones doing the whim of Erudite. But seeing him this way and how another faction is treating him, with as much if not more respect as their own leader, has me wondering if there was much more to the story.

 

* * *

  
  
  


“ _ No Sharon _ , I  _ don’t _ give a rat’s ass about the temperamental nature of a supercollider and if you knew how close I am to going into my own meltdown you would wrap this up and  _ feed me _ .” 

 

“I don’t think anyone would mind if we break off and head to lunch. I know a place that would be perfect to grab something to eat before we have to take the tram to the medical offices.” Eli replies to my grumbling under my breath with a smile and a chuckle. 

 

I blush a little at my out loud venting but I can’t be too embarrassed about it when I feel like I’m heading towards a category give ‘ _ bitchicanne _ ’ if I don’t get food in me soon. His suggestion is music to my ears and I nod enthusiastically as he starts to guide us to the nearest elevator.

 

There are at least two more floors to go but I have no desire to stick around when we’ve been going for hours and the others don’t seem to even be thinking about stopping for lunch. 

 

“Elijah, I’ll be stepping away with Devi for a few minutes.” We don’t make it to the elevator when I’m pulled up short with a firm grip on my arm. 

 

I didn’t need to hear him speaking or look to know it was Eric. I’ve felt him lingering near and glaring daggers at me for the last hour. He hadn’t liked that the two of us were falling further and further back from the group after I discovered the amount of walking in these new heels is making my feet throb. 

 

Now he doesn’t wait for either of us to respond before he starts to pull me along with him. The only reason I don’t give him a piece of my mind right then and there is because we are in Erudite and there are people around us, watching as he heads towards a door not too far away from where I was standing with Eli.

 

“Eric. I really am not in the mood for this.” I hiss at him as he opens the door and then flicks on the light after he lets go of my arm. 

 

I take a few steps in then turn to face him, my arms crossed over my chest and trying to glare at him to let him know how not in the mood I am right now. He doesn’t bother to respond as he reaches behind him and locks the door. My eyes widen and a smile slithers across his face as he walks towards me. I drop my arms and take a step back, or try to, but he’s on me before I can do more than stumble a little. My legs are no match for the reach of his arms and he has me jerked against his chest in no time while I use my hands to steady myself.

 

I should be used to how my body goes into overdrive anytime Eric is near me but I’m not, nowhere even close to accustomed to it, and it’s frustrating beyond belief.

 

“Do you have any idea how distracting you are to me?” Eric slowly draws out each word while at the same time using the backs of his fingers, of one hand, to drag along the side of my neck.

 

His hand stops moving when he reaches my chin and uses his fingers to lift it until his eyes are boring into mine. I can see in them the frustration he is feeling that backs up that strained admission he just made. His forehead is marred with and his mouth is turned downwards in a cross between a scowl and a pout. I would be laughing at my apparent ability to unsettle the man that almost all of Dauntless fears if I didn’t feel the exact same way.

 

I do feel a bit smug pleasure at the fact that a little of what I hoped for actually panned out today. I guess I’m not as successful at trying not to let that show because he growls softly before he decides to pay me back by using his lips in the same manner he had been using his fingers.

 

“How exactly am I being a distraction, Eric?” I ask a little more breathlessly than I would have liked.

  
  


His chest rumbles and I feel a huff of hot air on my neck but he doesn't move away. In fact, he begins to suck and nip at my neck while he pulls me tight against his body. I cry out and dig my nails into his shoulders when he nips and sucks just a little too hard, then glare at him when he pulls back with a satisfied grin on his face.

 

“You know exactly how you are distracting me, Devi. That was why you dressed how you are right?” 

 

The heat from my temper felt like it might explode out of me. I could only hope it would knock the conceited asshole on his ass. 

 

“I dress for me, Eric Coulter. What is it with you men thinking the world revolves around you? That anything and everything a woman might do has to be about you? Get over yourself because that is just not who I am.”

 

Internally, I cringe just a tiny bit because there is a bit of truth in his words. I did want him to notice me but the original intention in buying this dress was for me to feel more confident when coming to Erudite.

 

He lifts a disbelieving eyebrow at me and hips lips tilt in amusement. “So you dressing like this and getting all buddy-buddy with Elijah wasn’t to make me jealous?”

 

Screw waiting for the ability to knock him back with some imaginary power, my foot comes down on his hard. 

 

“Pendejo!” I scream as he grunts and releases me a little, enough for me to shove him away from me. I take the opportunity and start towards the door. “I don’t play with people like that, Eric. But I am not going to apologize for actually getting along with someone and enjoying myself. You don’t own me. If that is how things are going to be you can just forget it.”

 

Eric catches me around the waist and pulls me against his chest, locking me in and I can barely hear the words he is saying against my hair. 

 

“Fucked up past relationships, Devi. I...I  **_am_ ** glad the two of you are getting along. No matter how it may seem otherwise right now, it is important to me that you two get along.”

 

The tension leaves me a little as I realize that is about as close to an apology I am going to get. “Do you two...I mean, are you friends or something?”

 

Eric chuckles and squeezes me briefly before he moves us towards the door. “Something like that.” He lets go of me to open the door and looks back at me. 

 

“Something like that? No other explanation?” I ask in a frustrated huff, not understand this man at all.

 

He shrugs with a smirk. “Oh, I’m sure he’ll get to it during your time together.” Then he gets serious and cups the side of my face briefly. “Even if he doesn’t, or actually even if he does, I promise I’ll talk more about it later, okay? We need to get back out there now.”

 

With a sigh of frustration, I nod and follow him out. Elijah isn’t far away. He’s leaning against the wall opposite the door and has his phone in his hand, absorbed in that. He looks up when we come out and he’s eyes flicker between the two of us. 

 

Eric stops in front of him briefly and leans in to speak quietly with him. Elijah just looks at me while Eric’s saying whatever it is to him and nods with a smile. Before he moves off, Eric looks back to me and winks. Elijah pushes away from the wall and I watch with a little smile as Eric is slightly limping. I can’t help the small chuckle at that. 

 

I look over to Elijah who is looking at me oddly. His eyes are on my neck, and for a second I’m confused as to why he would be so focused there. Then I remember Eric’s lips on my neck and realize that he left a mark behind. 

 

I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths in and let them out slowly trying to calm myself before I go after Eric and make a scene right here in front of the entire faction of Erudite.

 

“You mentioned food?” I try to ask brightly after I opened my eyes again. Elijah is looking down at me, his blue eyes showing amusement and nods.

 

“Yes. I was thinking of a place that would be perfect for you.” He has that smirk again that just seems so damn familiar but I just can’t place it. 

  
  


It’s making me feel like when I do I will feel like an idiot for not seeing it before. 

 

* * *

  
  
  
  


“Really?” I groan when I catch the name of the establishment stamped in silver on the fancy blue menus. I look at Elijah and see him fighting laughter.

 

“I believe they thought rather amusing, if not ingenious.” He says with a shrug.

 

I shake my head and open the menu. “Well, it failed. Completely. Utterly. Just fail. I thought Erudite aren't even supposed to know what a joke is?”

 

Elijah pretends to be offended. “Hey, some of us have excellent senses of humor and I believe it wasn’t so much a joke as extreme sarcasm.”

 

I chuckled along with him and eye the menu. 

 

The name of the modern and sleek restaurant is called ‘ _ The Meating Place’ _ and despite the spelling, it is actually entirely vegetarian. At this hour it isn’t as full as Eli says it will be during dinner hours since it is a popular place among those in Erudite that choose to be vegetarians. Something he told me is actually not all that uncommon.

 

As bad as the name is I cannot fault the items on the menu and my mouth is already watering as I try to narrow down my choice. 

 

“Now my only issue is what do I  _ not _ want to try,” I mutter but still loud enough for Elijah to hear.

 

He gives a nod of agreement from behind his menu. “Well, we could order a few items and share. Or we could opt for a few of the family-style platters they have.”

 

I smile and shut the menu. “That sounds good. I’ll let you pick then.”

 

A server materializes just seconds after I say this and Elijah promptly gives our order. I seize the opportunity to take in everything around me while sipping from the water that is in a delicate glass that is a bit larger than wine glasses I’ve seen. The color scheme is done in the normal Erudite colors of blues and creams. The tables all have very crisp and clean ivory cloths while the place settings and cloth napkins are all in robin egg blue. It’s all so fancy for somewhere to eat in my opinion. A little cold feeling but I guess that’s just Erudite.

 

I look back to Elijah and see he is watching me take everything in. He lifts his own water to take a drink, looking completely at ease, lounging back into his chair even. Polished masculinity with the carefree smile of an Amity. 

 

That thought hits me so hard that I just blurt it out. 

 

“You look like you would fit right in at Amity.” I almost slap my hand over my mouth. It takes us both by surprise but he just chuckles at my horrified expression.

 

He nods as he sets his water glass down. “That might be because my test indicated Amity was where I should go.”

 

“Oh,” I say dumbly, not sure how else to respond then give in to curiosity. “Why did you stay?”

 

Here the smile fades and he looks intently at his water glass, his long fingers turning the glass by its stem. “Has Eric told you anything about his life before he transferred?”

 

The question startles me and I’m relieved when the server comes back with the first course Elijah ordered for us. 

 

He nods to the young man as he places before each of us a bowl of gazpacho soup using what was advertised on the menu as a ‘bright summer vegetable medley’.

 

I wait for the server to step away before answering. 

 

“Eric is not exactly forthcoming in anything regarding himself. He’s a master at bullying my entire life history out of me though.” I grumble and pick up my spoon, dipping it into the bowl.

 

Despite where the conversation is going I can’t resist giving in to my stomachs loud request to fill it.

 

I look up and see Elijah has a small smile playing around his lips. “That isn’t anything new with my brother.”

 

The declaration, so sudden but also so fucking obvious given all the hints and similarities, it knocks the breath from me causing me to swallow the soup incorrectly. I cough and tap my hand to my chest a few times, drawing a few eyes to us before I finally get my breath back again.

 

“Your….” I clear my throat, grab the water and take a big gulp. Swallowing I look back to him, his eyes are full of apology and understanding as he looks at me. Looks at me with those same piercing damn blue eyes that Eric has. “Your brother. Well, that certainly explains why you looked vaguely familiar.”

 

“I apologize. I thought he told you that much at least.” 

 

I shook my head with my lips pursed. “Nope. Sure didn’t.” I say shortly. Then I take a breath and get a grip. I remember his words about how my getting along with Elijah was important to him. “He did say it was important we got along though.”

 

Elijah nods and smiles sadly before he takes a breath. “Eric and I were raised to be very private. I’m older by four years and with our parents absent much of our lives, I also became more than a brother. Sometimes this rubbed him the wrong way, me being both a brother and parent, but overall we have always been close. There were a few times that relationship was strained, to the point that I wasn’t sure if we would ever be able to return to it again.”

 

I stay quiet as he speaks softly. I can sense he’s wanting to get it out and if I interrupt him with questions, I could ruin this chance to know Eric better. 

 

“It isn’t hard to see that Erudite have completely different ideas about most everything, including family. Maybe it was always the Amity in me but I did not and could not hold to that. When we were younger, we were often left with other children of our age whose parents had a close connection to our own. Very few of those children became close to us, but there was one.”

 

Here he pauses and there is something about the pause that had my stomach churning. I can see he’s collecting himself. So I let him as we finish our soup in silence. The bowls are taken away and he clears his throat. He smiles at me, genuine, but with grief and regret in those blue eyes. 

 

“Her name was Julietta and she was just a year younger than Eric. We were together so often, she became family to us. As we all got older and entered school, our activities always seemed to be intertwined. More often than not she was at our apartment, her parents were just as absent as ours but she didn’t have an older brother to look after her.”

 

The next hour is spent with Elijah telling me the story in between pausing to eat and regain composure. I can tell this is hard for Elijah and I feel horrible for letting him continue, but I also can’t help myself. 

 

I need to know. Even though long before he finishes I guessed at the ending. It turns out I was so terribly and heartbreakingly wrong.

 

Eli is done telling me now and all I can do is look at him with tears burning behind my eyes and trying desperately not to breakdown right here. I’m honestly still in shock and disbelief, trying to process what he’s told me.

 

Julietta, Jules as he lovingly called her,  _ didn’t _ leave Eric broken-hearted, at least not like I assumed she did. It wasn’t the love triangle that ended with the girl choosing one brother over the other and riding off into the sunset with him while leaving the other in tatters.

 

Yes, Jules did chose Elijah. They had always loved each other but it changed and grew in a way neither could have imagined. It was enough for Elijah to know he couldn’t possibly leave Jules and stayed in Erudite, knowing that she was meant for Erudite and he could never as her to be the one to leave and follow him.

 

Yes, the choice of one brother over the other had greatly strained the two, to the point where it had gotten physical at one point. But Eric, Elijah said, came to realize that he loved Jules like family and not in the way that meant to be together. Eric admitted himself when he came to Elijah one night to give his blessing to the two of them, that he wouldn’t have stayed for her. Eric recognized that if he had truly felt so deeply about her then he would have at least considered it, but he never did. 

 

Before Eric even left Erudite the three of them had been able to heal and reconnect and started to mend their relationships. Since Jules was still a dependent and wouldn’t have her choosing until the year after Eric’s, they didn’t plan on making any moves to go beyond being good friends. Elijah wanted Jules to have time beyond her choosing before they got married, time to explore and grow, but she brushed off his insistence saying she already knew who and what she wanted.

 

She never got to see those plans carried out. Shortly after Eric chose Dauntless, she passed away to an illness she had been secretly fighting for almost two years. 

 

There had been experimental treatments, of course. Elijah made a veiled reference to an offer from the old leadership to get her into those treatments but Jules had told him she wasn’t going to accept. 

 

The second time the brothers almost came to blows, and the time Elijah thought Eric would never forgive him, was the day he had to inform Eric that Julietta passed away. He had gone to Dauntless with the assurance from both that she would be taking the treatments offered. 

 

Neither wanted Eric to worry and they knew he needed to be completely focused and do his best to reach his goal of becoming a leader. Julietta passed away the day we finished training. Elijah had gotten word from contacts in leadership there that he had also been offered the leadership position. He said that it was almost as if she waited, just for that, to know he made it and was happy.

 

Our lunch has long been cleared away. I’m sure that the wild mushroom with extra virgin olive oil drizzle flatbread and eggplant parmigiana were amazing, but I couldn’t say for sure. 

 

It all tasted like cardboard to me. 

 

I’m trying hard not to breakdown and make a scene when I feel Elijah cover my hand with is own. His eyes showing his own tears threatening. He smiles at me and pats my hand.

 

“How did you get past it?” I ask finally in a faint whisper. 

 

“It’s amazing how children can bring families back together.” He replies and the smile becomes genuine but the answer just confuses the hell out of me. “He won’t tell you this, Devi. Maybe because he thinks he failed Jules, but before he transferred he was approached by leadership to recruit him. Their first attempt was a promise of power in the new regime.” 

 

He gratefully lets me catch my breath and bearings with this new twist and I nod to him when I feel I’m ready for him to go on. He truly is Amity to be comforting  _ me _ in all this. 

 

“That was actually pretty laughable, to Eric and anyone that really knows him. Eric saw through all the bullshit and knew that whatever promises they made could be taken with a grain of salt. The whole divergent thing, in Eric’s words, was bullshit. We never believed in any of that.”

 

I nod in understanding as he continues. “The second attempt, now that...that wasn't so easily turned down. Jules hid it at first but we both knew something was off. We just didn’t know what. And Jeanine knew just where to hit Eric. That was how we found out she was sick, through Jeanine. She was anything but tactful in her estimation that Jules would survive. She offered every resource and treatment available to Julietta. Nothing else could have gotten him on board.”

 

“Why then? Why did she refuse it?” I gasp out in agony.

 

“The chances of any of that  _ actually _ working were so very small, Devi. Jeanine was desperate to offer it but Eric was just as desperate to grasp at it. The thing about experimental treatments is that they are just that, experiments. As a doctor, I recognize the need for these trials. But as the person who loved that girl with every breath, no matter that there was a small chance it would work, I couldn’t watch her go through that. She didn’t  _ want _ to go through that. Jules…..” He stops and looks, almost wistfully at me. “You know you actually remind me of her in some ways.”

  
  


“I don’t mean that you look like her.” He hurries to reassure me after seeing my frown. “Though you both share the same Latin heritage, you are also very different from each other appearance-wise. No, what I mean is that there is the same vibrancy. The same strength and independence. I can admit I don’t know you well yet, just what Eric has told me, but you seem comfortable in who you are. Jules was a quiet kind of strong. She was kind and loved to laugh but she wouldn’t back down from what she felt was right. And that’s why she wouldn’t take the treatments.”

 

“She could not and would not be the thing that was held over Eric’s head. She would not be leverage used for the horrible things we all knew were being planned. We both knew that the chances of those treatments curing her were so small as to be non-existent. The side effects would have left her in a worse state than the actual disease she was dying from. She made the decision and I supported her. We kept it from Eric and I knew there would be fallout from that. Her last request was to find a way to make things right, but to make sure I told Eric to never let himself be controlled again.”

 

“You said that…” I trail off in confusion, wondering how a child is involved in this.

 

“After informing Eric of her death and her message to him, I didn’t hear from him for a few long months. I heard reports around the faction that he was seen often with Jeanine. There were whispers that something was brewing. I had thought that instead of freeing him as we hoped, it wounded him and made him so angry that he went all-in with the plans. It shocked me when I received a message from Eric asking to meet with him. It shocked me, even more, to know that he not only found a way to bring them down and had been working towards that; but he had a way to give us...me...back a part of Julietta.”

 

“It seems that when she first got sick she had gone through all the options of treatment and determined that most all of those would leave her unable to have children. It would either leave her sterile or her body too weak to carry. So one of the first things she did was to have some of her eggs harvested. I can only guess that it was done when she was still trying to come to terms with things and that she forgot to tell anyone in the hard months that followed. Eric found out and once again, it was from Jeanine. She realized she lost her hold on Eric the minute Julietta passed away and had been scrambling for something to bring him back. The old promises of power in Dauntless and Erudite weren’t doing it. She combed through the records and found that Julietta had preserved several viable eggs, then she held them for ransom, as they would say.”

 

“For being supposedly the smartest person in the city, the bitch was stupid.” I snarled out.

 

“Indeed. She couldn’t have made a worse move. He played along for a little while, got the ball rolling for me. The instant we knew the surrogate moved past the danger zone and Eric had gotten her to a secure location, he unleashed hell on Jeanine and Erudite. After that, our relationship was still strained. He made it clear it was only for Jules. That he still hadn’t forgiven me and I understood. I was grateful. When Karen, the surrogate, went into labor, he rushed to be with me at the birth. He was there when Olivia was born and when he held her for the first time, I think that was the first step in us being able to move past things, or at least forward..”

 

“How old is she now?” I ask with a small smile at his beaming one.

 

“She is twenty months old going on sixteen.” He laughs and shakes his head. “Not even two and already running the house.”

 

Elijah’s phone goes off and he stops to take it out then look at it. He smirks and shakes his head. 

 

“It’s good to see that he found someone, Devi.” Then he slips his phone back into the inner lining of his suit jacket and looks at me. I am blushing, at his last comment. “You are going to have to be patient with him I’m afraid. He never was the best at being social or having social graces and I’m sure he has already made a million mistakes by now. I can say without a doubt that he wouldn’t even make an effort if he didn’t truly want to be with you. He especially wouldn’t be inviting just anyone to have dinner with Olivia and me.”

 

That last bombshell is dropped on me as he stands and offers me his hand. I take it but I can still feel the shockwave hovering on me. 


	7. Part 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite a rough start to the day at Erudite, Devi and Eric continue to connect and deepen their feelings. Devi meets the little girl who has Eric's heart. How will that dinner affect their relationship?

**Part 7**

  


“You’re looking extremely happy. I take it that the tour and meetings went well?” Tori asks as we all gather once again at the Erudite tower and head towards a conference room that we would all use to go over some last-minute details from each group.

 

I smile at her widely and nod. “Better than I imagined.”

 

The lunch hour had been emotional, but it gave me an insight into Eric. I also felt that Elijah and I had really bonded as well. We didn’t go too deeply into anything else regarding Eric and the past. He did let me know that part of the reason the Erudite are responding to Eric the way they are is mostly because of him being viewed as a savior of sorts to the faction. But there is also the fact that before Eric transferred to Dauntless there had only been two people that could rival or beat Jeanine’s IQ. Eric was one of them and Cara, the new main leader, was the other. 

 

In Erudite, they regarded intelligence above all others things so take IQ levels very seriously. That was how Jeanine got her place as leader despite her not being suited for the position at all. In Erudite’s eyes, even if he is Dauntless now, Eric deserves a position of power there. It was also why Jeanine had been desperate to get him to Dauntless and out of the running for being a threat to her position while still keeping him tied to Erudite, but more specifically to her.

 

While Eli is proud that Eric had such a high intelligence and that his faction doesn’t look down on his brother the two of them find the reverence amusing and ridiculous as hell. They aren’t above using it to their advantage though. Which is how I think he’s been able to get things for the clinic and how I believe he’s getting everything he can for Dauntless now.

  


I walk into the conference room beside Tori, quietly talking about some of the things I’m hoping actually happen that Eli and I have worked out. The table in the conference room is a long glass rectangular thing with that same thick blue-tinged glass that can be found everywhere here. There are two white chairs at each end and either side has evenly spaced chairs along it. 

 

Eric is standing at one end of the table and when he sees me walk in beside Tori, he pulls out one of the chairs. At first, I think it’s for Tori, considering the other end already has the two main leaders of Erudite at theirs. But she breaks off from me, with a smile tilting her lips, and heads to the first chair on the long edge. 

 

I pause, confused for a second and thrown off. Eric raises an eyebrow and beckons with a slight motion of his head. I feel as if every eye is on me as I walked to him, slide into the seat and then feel him pushing my chair in for me before sliding into his own seat. A glance around doesn’t show me anyone overtly looking at what just happened, well besides Tori, but I feel as this was a display of some kind.

 

I’m probably making more out of it than what it really meant but regardless it has my stomach fluttering. My hands are shaking slightly in my lap and I turn my head towards Eric. The corners of his eyes are wrinkled as he looks me over with worry in them.

 

“You good?” He asks lowly with that same emotion in the tone.

 

I smile and nod in answer, not trusting my voice. He exhales through his nose just a little bit too forcefully as if he was holding his breath, and he briefly takes my hand in his, giving it a squeeze before we both let go and turn our attention to the others filing the room and taking their seats.

  


* * *

 

 

Instead of taking the tram to Elijah’s house we take one of the cars Erudite allows high ranking members of their faction the use of. This is especially needed, I find out, since he lives in a section further away from the main part of Erudite where the tower and other various residential buildings are located. I’m surprised when I find out that not only does he live in a stand-alone house but that there are quite a few Erudite families that live ones like it as well. From what I remember of my faction history and the little bits shared details of the different ones, Erudite alone with Dauntless and Candor all live in apartment buildings that house the entire faction. 

 

Amity has a combination of both. The main compound has rooms for those members that are still single that would prefer to live relatively on their own. It’s not a full apartment, rather just a room that is usually shared with a roommate and basic furnishings such as a bed, dresser and if they are lucky and there is enough room a sitting area arrangement. Otherwise, Amities members live in houses and more often than not there are a few generations of the same family that share the same roof. 

 

I found out from Tris that Abnegation is very similar in that respect. A household in that faction will generally be multi-generational unless it grows too large but that rarely ever happens, she said.

 

I watch the sector pass us by from the passenger seat up front with Eli with Eric sitting in the back, at his insistence, and talk about all of this with the two men. 

“They honestly just started opening up and having more of the houses available. Your thoughts about Erudite mainly living in apartments were correct. That was what Eli and I grew up in. It was easier for the families and the caretakers of the kids they were in charge of to live so close.” Eric says from behind us.

 

Elijah nods. “The ones who choose to live in the houses are the ones like me and would rather not have other people raising their kids while they barely have a presence in their lives. My stipulation to heading up the department and helping leadership out was that I would be able to set my hours so that I could be the one to parent Olivia.”

 

“While Amity have houses, there were a few people that lived in the huge complex. But instead of apartment-like housing there were just rooms that were pretty much for sleeping in, sometimes it would have a small sitting area and almost always would be shared with another person. Those were usually the single members that either just went through initiation or worked in some capacity at the compound itself.” I say with a shrug, trying to let them it wasn’t a totally foreign concept. 

 

That would probably have been where I lived if I had stayed. Well, before I married Vincente anyways. 

 

That has me shuddering at the flashes of how I’m my sure my life would have played out had I stayed.

 

“What about the kids too young for school but whose parents work out in the fields?” Eli asks with a brief look at me as he makes a turn into the housing subdivision.

 

“There were women that had childcare set up in their homes. They could have as many as ten kids from sunup to just before sundown. They usually had a few helpers, some of them older dependents, to assist in whatever they needed. Honestly, Erudite aren’t the only ones that can have parents to get caught up in their jobs and be away from their families for the majority of the time. Before my parents passed, they were the same. We had Abuela though so we didn’t have to go to the childcare centers.” 

 

We continue to talk, mainly Elijah and myself with Eric adding something in everyone once in a while, until we finally pull up to his house. 

 

All the houses in the subdivision have a uniform look to them. They are all very sleek and geometrical. They almost remind me of the Abnegation houses, which are all just big grey concrete rectangles. Erudite use the combination of rectangles and squares for a very symmetrical look but they are a combination of large windows, a warm beige stone and stucco. Materials that I’m familiar with being used in some Amity homes. It turns out that this housing area is newer and the reason the materials look familiar is because they come from my old faction. Amity have even been contracted build them. 

 

When we stop the nerves hit me hard. I’m intimidated and nervous about meeting the little girl that means so much to Eric. I can admit, I‘m also a little unsure about what I learned of his relationship with her mother and if I could ever measure up to her. Elijah obviously tried to reassure me that Eric had never really felt _‘that way’_ about Jules but there is a big part of me that wonders. 

 

The moment we enter the house and I catch sight of the little girl that so obviously has the two Coulters wrapped around her little finger I understand why and I’m able to put all those questions and insecurities.

 

She is beyond adorable. One look at her father and uncle and she completely forgets about the puzzle blocks she was so absorbed with on the living room floor. She shoots to her feet and launches herself towards her daddies outstretched arms. Her shoulder length chocolate brown curls bouncing and her laughter and smile making her chubby cheeks show deep dimples in her warm bronze skin. Elijah barely gets a hug from her before she’s already trying to launch herself from his arms straight into Eric’s. 

 

Eric catches her with a laugh and starts to talk to her. He never once engages in what is called baby talk, rather just softly speaking to her and being totally absorbed in her answers. I almost think I’m in some alternate reality, this is just so out of character for how I have seen him be and it definitely does something funny to my insides watching the two of them.

 

Elijah moved to speak with her nanny, Connie, about her day and just the general updates you would expect from a parent. It is very apparent that his main focus is if she was generally happy during the time he was away. The older Erudite smiles at him with reassurance and I guess this is something that she is regularly asked when she has the little girl.

 

I hear my name being called, drawing me from listening to the conversation between father and nanny and look to where Eric has his hand held out to me, calling me over. I hear him telling Olivia my name and for her to say hello. I walk slowly to his side and watch the little toddlers eyes focus on me. Looking a combination of shy and appraising all at once. 

 

Caramel colored eyes are looking at me with the familiar intensity that both her father and uncle have, and it throws me off a little bit so I don’t return the greeting right away. Her cheeks dimple as she smiles at me and I find myself returning that smile automatically. There is a slight hesitation from her, a look of concentration and then she holds her arms out in a gesture I recognize; her wanting me to hold her. The moment she is transferred into my arms, I melt.

  


* * *

 

 

Most of dinner was spent with Olivia in one of our laps, though she spent a good amount of it in mine. During that time the Erudite in both Elijah and Eric could be found as they asked questions or interacted with Olivia. Trying to engage her in ways that were developmental in some fashion. 

 

I also had a question answered finally about how Eric knows Spanish. Jules was bilingual as well, and taught the brothers growing up, and that is something that Elijah is promoting in their daughter. 

 

I also found out why Eric never responded in Spanish. His accent is….pretty horrible. 

 

It is funny actually that it’s so terrible. There had been a joke between the three friends about it. Elijah’s is pretty good. When I joined in to the conversation with Olivia, teaching her new words, I swear Eric was pouting at his inability to roll his r’s. 

 

Olivia’s energy, which I learned she had loads of, started to fade. I realized it must be well past her normal bedtime. 

 

“Say goodnight to Devi and Eric, Olivia.” Eli instructed his daughter with a smile as she was curled up in his arms where he is sitting on the couch.

 

She yawns even as she is scooting out of his lap and toddles over to Eric, who scoops her up, causing her to giggle.

 

“‘Night, Eric.” She tells him in her soft voice. 

 

“Night, princess. I’ll see you next week for dinner.”

 

“Promise?” 

 

“Cross my heart.”

 

My heart feels like it is going to burst with how the entire interaction makes me feel. Then that gets even more intense when the little girl makes her way over to give me a hug and tell me goodnight as well.

 

“‘Night, Devi.”

 

“Good night, ángel.” I reply as she snuggles into me.

 

Olivia pulls back and smiles at me. “You come again?”

 

My smile widens. I want to laugh even if I’m unsure how to answer. It seems that the ability to make a command and masquerade it as a question is a genetic one. Olivia certainly inherited that from Eric.

 

Before I can reply, said uncle replies for me. “Of course she will, princess.”

 

Both Olivia and Eric were wearing smug little smiles after his declaration. Elijah chuckles as he scoops up the little girl and takes her off to get ready for bed.

 

With Olivia off to get ready for bed, Eric refills the wine glass that I had only been sipping from and pulls me close to his side on the couch are sitting on together. 

 

It’s an intimate gesture that feels so natural, it has me wondering why it doesn’t feel awkward at all to me. Considering all our interactions so far have been so charged with tension of all kinds I would think this level of comfort with each other wouldn’t be possible. There is still undoubtedly  the heavy attraction between us. I still feel a buzzing underneath my skin just being near him. But it’s faint at the moment, overruled by the pleasure of just being with him like this. 

 

I can feel that he must be reacting similarly in how he molds into me and the couch. Truly relaxed and not holding himself so stiffly. Even his face is relaxed. It’s funny how you don’t realize how tense someone is until just the absence of it seems to transform them. 

 

He looks younger and if it is at all possible, even more handsome. 

 

Eric takes a deep drink of his glass of whiskey then lets out a long sigh. His eyes closed briefly and he looks back at me when I ask him softly if he is okay.

 

His lips tilt up. “Right now? Fucking fantastic.” His arm tightens around my waist a little at those words. “Tomorrow though is going to be another story.”

 

I take a sip of my own wine with my eyebrow raised in question. After I swallow I voice it. “What’s tomorrow?”

 

“Abnegation.” He says, a sneer in his voice. “Tomorrow I have an even earlier start to the day to be at The Hub where we will be starting out from.”

 

“You aren’t just having meetings with them?” 

 

He gives a tired shrug. “It’s what we’re calling them. Meetings, tours ...but they’re all really the same thing.”

 

My earlier guess had been correct that Erudite was being inspected, but why was Abnegation?

 

“So they are being inspected like Erudite was today?” 

 

He looks over at me as he drinks from his glass and there is a smile along with pride in his eyes. After he swallows he nods. Elijah walks into the room and grabs a drink for himself from the small hidden bar in the room.

 

“What are we talking about?” He asks as he take up a lounging position on the couch opposite.

 

“We’re talking about the inspections that aren’t supposed to be called inspections because God forbid the city knows how bad we all fucked up.” Eric drawls out sarcastically before draining his glass.

 

“You make it sound like every faction is having them.” 

 

“They are,” both men reply in unison. 

 

They see my confusion so start to explain. This falls on Eli after Eric waves him to it, content to just have his arm wrapped around me while listening. 

 

I feel bad for how oblivious I’ve been to what’s going on until Elijah tells me that all of this isn’t being publicly announced. It isn’t being hidden either though. Anyone that cares to go over the public records for the government meetings, especially directly after the whole Erudite shakedown, would be able to know this. 

 

Basically when everything was going on, the faction leaders or representatives of all factions were held accountable for a number of things that had, in essence, led to the state the city wound up in. Elijah didn’t go into all the details but gave examples. 

 

Abnegation has allowed corruption, mainly in the form of Marcus Eaton, who was ousted as a result. They had also made several decisions in regards to the factionless that was going to lead to another war brewing if a few hadn’t come forward in warning. 

 

Erudite, we all knew about their role. Experiments, hoarding of supplies that could help the city or extorting other factions for those supplies in order to get more power.

 

Dauntless was the abuse of power that would have led them to being the lap dogs and muscle for Erudite.

 

Candor turned out there were several in the faction that were helping to use the law they were supposed to uphold to help Erudite and Dauntless in their machinations.

 

Amity was the refusal to take sides or provide information that could have stopped things with Erudite well before they started to spiral out of control. It also turned out that my old faction had known and ignored the actions of factionless that were trying to build up for their own coup. 

 

Every faction is guilty of something. So in an effort to move forward, an agreement was made that every faction has the right to perform inspections of the others to make sure that things that had been ordered to be corrected have been done. 

 

Dauntless had two of these without me knowing. The first was from Abnegation the day of my blow up on Eric. That morning it had been Abnegation who Marlene burst into the office to announce had arrived. The other had been from Erudite. 

 

It sounded like there were specific things each faction were concerned with or in charge of overseeing during their inspections. It made me curious enough that I made a mental note to look the information up myself when I could. 

 

With Eric needing to be up early, we didn’t stay at Elijah’s for much longer. He had called a car for us to take back to Dauntless, made me promise that I would come for dinner next week and even got both of us to agree to coming earlier than dinner to spend more time with Olivia.

 

Like this morning there was a driver, but unlike in the morning, Eric didn’t keep his distance. He didn’t do more than hold me close and run his fingers lightly over my bare knee. He was tired, I could tell, but he was also deep in thought.

 

“Was the trip to the wall during our initiation the last time you were in Amity?”

 

“Mmhmm.” I hum my agreement quietly with my eyes closed, enjoying his touch. “Why?”

 

He lets out a quiet sigh and I look at him. 

 

“The rest of the week will be filled with more of what I had today. Abnegation takes up two days and then the factionless sector another. Plus we have the patrol stations to do. Which means I’ll hardly be in Dauntless for the remainder of the week.” 

 

I feel disappointment flood me at this. It means I won’t be seeing Eric at all. 

 

He nods slightly in agreement to my expression even though I don’t vocally express how I’m feeling. “So, I was thinking…” he says slowly while his thumb traces circles over the fabric of my dress on my thigh, “I’m hoping you can join me when I have to go to Amity this weekend. I’ll have to stay over so we can do what needs to be done over two days instead of trying to cram it all in one.”

 

I can’t help that I automatically tense at this while I debate the offer. I don’t relish the thought of going back to my old faction. As far as I’m concerned there is nothing there for me to draw me back. But what my hesitation really comes down to is something I try not to admit and that is the fact that I’m scared to go back. Scared of what it will make me feel or what I might discover there. So much of me has lived in denial about what happened that I’m afraid of what going back will do to me.

 

“I understand if you can’t.” Eric says, but his tone belies the words because I picked up that he doesn’t really and he’s annoyed by my hesitation. 

 

There is also a look in his eye, with that slight lift of his eyebrows that is challenging me, daring me to say I can’t and I focus on that instead of the fear. 

 

“Do you really want me to go with you?” 

 

He leans in close so that his nose brushes my ear. “Would I be asking if I didn’t?”

 

I huff at the smartass reply and the feel of his teeth nipping and tugging slightly on my ear.

 

“I’ll go, but I refuse to be forced through a tour of the fields.” I breathlessly give my acceptance and the first of my stipulations.

 

He chuckles quietly but nods against the skin of my neck where he’s moved his attention to. He pulls back and moves my hair to my other shoulder, completely uncovering the side he is attending too.

 

“I can live with that.” He agrees in a purr before placing a kiss to my bare shoulder bare, since I took off the blazer I was wearing.

 

I swallow and close my eyes. “And you better be prepared for what a lack of carbs is going to do to me because I refuse to eat any bread while I am there. Which is going to suck.”

 

He growls slightly, his arm pulls me closer and his teeth nip at my collar bone. “Noted, but you won’t have to avoid it if they’ve done as they were ordered by the council to do.”

 

My forehead wrinkles and I pull back, trying to get him to look at me. He resists at first then pulls back with a scowl.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

He shrugs nonchalantly. “They aren’t allowed to serve dependents or visitors anything that has been laced with peace serum anymore. Or any of the serums they use really.” 

 

My breath catches and I watch him carefully. “Dependents? You mean like dependents of other factions right? Like when they take baked goods to school and offer them?”

 

“Well, that definitely has stopped, but not only then.” He says and looks me dead in my eye. “No, I meant that they are no longer able to give any of their own dependents the serum. At least, not outside of extreme cases meeting certain scenarios, and even then it will be documented and reviewed for every instance. They are no longer able to use that as a means to control the faction, but especially the dependents. That’s abuse and will not be tolerated.”

 

“Eric…” I whisper, a bit overwhelmed and wanting to say more. 

 

But I can’t continue. I want to ask him why, but can’t. I want to ask him if this was his doing, but I don’t. Something tells me it was part his doing. Something also tells me that it was partly because of me, but I can’t confirm that or even allow myself to think about it.  It scares me to even have the thought fluttering in my mind. 

 

It feels too big. Too monumental. It also scares me so much because I want to be right so badly that if I’m not it might crush me. 

 

Because if I am right then just maybe he feels the same way I am coming to see I truly feel for him. That this isn’t just some intense physical thing between us. That there are real feelings involved.

 

 _Stick with what you know, Nunez_.

 

I reach around and grab his uniform jacket and pull him to me. To hell with being a stick up the ass Erudite. 

 

I must have said that aloud because I swear he grumbles out an agreement or something like that in between us coming up for air again after the first kiss I initiated. 

 

In this, at least, we are both on even and familiar ground.


	8. Part 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Devi has accepted things between her and Eric are more than just a game and are real, how will their budding romance proceed? How will she handle going back to Amity and will that have any effect on the two of them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: It was pointed out to me in a comment that I mistakenly reposted Part 7 for Part 8. Thank you 'Anon' for pointing this out and for your kind words. I'm afraid when I deleted the chapter it deleted your comment. Sorry but I hope you'll enjoy the  
> corrected chapter.

**Part 8**

 

The first rays of morning light are streaming in through the window at an unfamiliar angle. The sheets of the bed have a different feel against my skin. For a moment it’s disorienting and I lift my head to look around and get my bearings.

Movement from across the room catches my attention, so I turn my head to see Eric buttoning his uniform pants up and watching me carefully. 

Warily even. 

Knowing why he’s doing that I huff and throw myself back in frustration. Nearly as much frustration as I felt drifting to sleep last night, even if it was in his arms.

“Dios, te dije que no estaba borracho anoche.” I say in a pout. 

I hear his deep chuckle at that. I roll to my side, prop up on an elbow and watch him get dressed. 

It’s, as promised, ridiculously early. 

The sky is mostly still dark outside the windows of his bedroom. He tucks the tight black undershirt into his crisply ironed pants and then finishes buckling his stiff black belt. Like yesterday at Erudite, Eric is wearing the more formal uniform that the leaders wear when dealing with other factions. 

“Yeah, I know you told me you weren’t drunk but the track record with you drinking and waking up clueless is pretty damn bad. Excuse me for erring on the side of caution with you, Devi.” He had grabbed his boots and comes over to my side of the bed, sits on the edge and pulled me up while he was talking.

I let out a sigh as he frames my face with his hands and kissed me softly at first before it turns deeper with our combined pent up frustration that still hasn’t been relieved. I’m coming to see that when Eric sets his mind on something, there is nothing that can sway him. 

Not even a naked woman, fresh from the shower, in his bed. 

There had been some heavy making out in the car and when we got to his apartment. Then that iron will he has snapped into place and he made the declaration that he’s already told me once he isn’t going to let anything happen if I’m drunk or if I’ve even been drinking and he meant every word.

Of course, this pissed me off and I was about to leave in a huff but he talked me into staying. I say talk but he didn’t use words to convince me really. And that gave me the idea of trying to break that stubborn streak he has.

He offered me clothes for the night since we came right to his apartment and I had nothing but the ones I was wearing, and the use of his shower. I let him lay the shirt out on the counter in the bathroom of his room, along with a new toothbrush and towels then went into the bathroom after he made a hasty exit. 

I never said I was actually going to wear anything he provided me.

He came back into the room to see me laid out on the bed, naked. That wild look I’ve seen before on him made an appearance just before he stomped into the bathroom then back out with the clothes and ordered me to be dressed and ready for bed by the time he got done with his shower, before going right back into his bathroom and locking himself in.

Well, that didn’t go over too well with me so I decided to get dressed alright, but I would be getting right back into my own clothes and going home. Only they were nowhere to be found. 

Eric hid the damn things. Even my underwear.

My options then were to put on the t-shirt he left me and go back to my apartment sans underwear and shoes, and hope to hell Sadie was home because my keys and phone were gone along with my purse or just put on the shirt and stay here.

I picked the last option but pretended to be asleep on the furthest side away from the door with my back turned to it. When he crawled into bed I heard his chuckle at seeing me like that, knowing I was probably pissed off at him. And when he just moved so that he was right behind me and draped his arm over me, I still pretended to be asleep.

Eric pulls back from the kiss with a groan as an alarm goes off on his phone. He picks it up, looks at it, and then looks back to me then he smirks at me.

“If you hurry up and get dressed I have just enough time to treat you to that shit you like from the bakery.” 

Well, that’s an offer I don’t intend to refuse. He laughs as I get tangled up in the covers and almost fall as I leap off the side of the bed in my hurry.

 

* * *

  
_ Chairman Andrew: Amity Elder Cain. The Chair recognizes you. You may proceed. _

_ Amity Elder Cain: Thank you, Chairman. I would like to address the complaints put forth against Amity in regards to our use of serums. I must confess that this is not a new complaint. It is well documented that the faction of Candor has always held a grievance against my faction on this matter. We recognize that they believe the peace we maintain is a lie. That is their opinion, but I would remind everyone gathered here that from the time of the cities founding, this has always been our way. Each faction has the leave to govern themselves as they see fit. _

_ Dauntless Senior Leader Eric: Point of order. _

_ Chairman Andrew: Dauntless Senior Leader Eric. We recognize you. Please proceed with your point of order. _

_ Dauntless Senior Leader Eric: The entire purpose of these proceedings is because of the fact that each faction has been left to govern itself as they saw fit and it failed us. That has led to where we are now. Our city was on the brink of war. What any of our factions have done prior to today should have no bearing on how we are to continue if we want to truly move forward.  _

_ Chairman Andrew: Well said. I would like to remind Amity that we have all admitted change must happen to be able to move forward. We were all in agreement with this, however, if you wish to continue, please do so. The floor is yours again. _

_ Amity Elder Cain: Thank you. You are correct, Eric, that we need to find a way to move forward. Our concern is that these sanctions are coming from a place of prejudice and pettiness. While the use of our serums might be hard for others to understand, for us it is a way of life. As much as seeking knowledge is to Erudite. As much as honing one's body to be a weapon is to Dauntless. As much as dedicating long hours of toil is only one of many ways Abnegation gives in sacrifice. As much as regularly undergoing the rite of truth is to Candor. For Amity, it is our way to ensure that we can help maintain peace and harmony, for all of the city. It helps to rid us of impurity of spirit so that we can connect to others with kindness and love. _

_ Chairman Andrew: Thank you, Cain. I would like to remind everyone that the argument is not to fully remove the peace serum, as well as the others, from use within Amity. Only that the following conditions are placed on the use: _

_ The first is that Amity will no longer serve the peace, mood, fertility or inhibition blocker serums to those visiting their faction. This means that they will have to make available alternatives to the items that normally have any of these serums laced into them for visitors. In handling issues regarding conflicts that might arise with visitors, it will still be expected that visitors maintain the peace. Failure to do so could see them being administered an injection of either the peace, calm or mood serums. Should any of these serums be required, it will be under close monitoring by certified personnel and only under the conditions that will be outlined by the council committee that has been formed to come up with these guidelines. _

_ The second is that Amity will no longer be allowed to give any dependent any of the serums in any manner outside of what the guidelines the committee has put forth. Under no circumstances will they ever be given the fertility, mood or inhibition blocker serums. If it is felt that an injection is required the lesser version of the peace serum, calming serum, will be the first choice. If a dose of peace serum is needed instead, it can only be done if two certified personnel are in agreement. They will administer the dose and are to keep the dependent under observation and care for the duration of the serums’ effects. _

_ It will be imperative that someone highly trained in being able to determine the correct dosage for each individual case is present as things such as weight can determine the potency. _

_ Are there any further arguments for or against these sanctions? _

_ Chairman Andrew: Dauntless Leader Tori, Second In Command. We recognize you and give you the floor. _

_ Dauntless Leader Tori, Second In Command: Thank you. I would like to address the last statements of the Amity Elder Cain. You claim that the use of this peace serum is what allows you to maintain kindness, love, and peace. I ask how is it kindness when you have taken the will of others away? Peace serum is a mood, mind and even physically altering drug. Think about that. It is a drug and as such should be handled with care and should never be given to children. As far as the adults of the faction, I am willing to allow that as an adult they have the right to choose what to put in their bodies. While I do wonder if these adults know just what it is that they are putting into their bodies, if they do and knowing that it strips their will, then that is their decision as an adult. _

_ Getting to Amity Elder Cain’s belief that this proposal has been submitted as part of a grudge or prejudice by Candor, I would like to remind everyone that it was Erudite that made the proposal which was seconded by both Dauntless and Abnegation. Erudite has provided data from various tests compiled over the last few years to be able to safely say that the administration of these drugs are dangerous to everyone but especially to dependents. _

_ Amity Elder Cain: Point of order. _

_ Chairman Andrew: We recognize you Amity Elder Cain. Proceed with your point of order. _

_ Amity Elder Cain: I would like to point out that it is years of testing and data that led to divergent experiments. Experiments that were highly illegal and in the end proved to be based on false data. _

_ Chairman Andrew: Quiet! Order, please. Thank you. Amity, I remind you that the matter of divergents, and the illegal activities regarding those, has been closed. The ones responsible have been punished. There will be no further mention of that, or them, in these chambers. This is a warning to you all, but consider this a final warning to you, Cain. I will not allow these proceedings to be filled with reminders of the past we are working hard to move forward from.  _

_ I give the floor back to Dauntless. _

_ Dauntless Leader Tori, Second In Command: Thank you, Chairman. I would like to conclude with the following questions, or thoughts, for all to consider.  _

_ We have all heard and read the testimony of several former Amity that were subjected to years of serum dosage before their transfer to various factions. It has been stated that each one of these documented cases the person suffers from severe side effects once they are no longer receiving this drug. In some cases, the individual suffered through physical pain and sickness while their body went through this period of withdrawal. It isn’t just limited to physical suffering either because it is the mind and a person’s emotions that are deeply affected when under its influence. This is a suffering that can and has been documented to last a person’s entire life. There are incidents where a former Amity was unable to handle the sickness they suffer from not being on the serum in addition to trying to assimilate into their new faction. The worst of these cases resulted in the person taking their own lives, while some resulted in being sent to the factionless. _

_ Councilwoman Layla from was brave enough to step forward and speak on her own experience as a former Amity that transferred to Abnegation. She spoke of the months of physical pain as her body fought against not receiving the drug she had been ingesting at every meal for her entire life in Amity. If that weren’t enough, there were the emotional and mental torments as years of emotions she wasn’t given the tools to deal with bombarded her. Where was the kindness for her when not one of her relatives even spoke up to prepare her for what she would face? It was known that it would happen, they even said as much to her when they next encountered her on visiting day. They even tried to coax her back to the faction, telling her to defect, so that she might be welcome home in peace and love.  _

_ So I ask you, Amity Elder Cain...I ask you, Council to think about this... _

_ Where is your kindness when their bodies are riddled with pain and their minds are clouded with agony when they no longer have the peace serum they have been fed every day of their lives?  _

_ You preach love and peace but there is none for those that aren’t in your faction. You purposely make the ones that leave you to suffer, in punishment, because they dare to want something different. Where are your understanding and love then?  _

_ But these aren’t the only transgressions that have brought this issue before us today. Not only are dependents given peace serum but they are also given serums that would promote sexual activity and even fertility. There are functions that the faction itself holds and dependents are required to be at where drinks and foods are provided laced with these items. Their will is being stripped away and they are put into situations where contact is promoted and smiled upon, regardless of the fact that if not under its influence they might not have wanted any contact at all. _

_ Where is the kindness in removing the choice from them?  _

_ Another point to think hard on. _

_ If this was such a way of life if this was all safe and there was no harm in it, why aren’t all the caretakers of dependents administering this serum to their charges? Why is it that a very good percentage of your own faction’s adults would never stand for giving their children this serum, at least not on the levels that others are?  _

_ By their very own words in the testimony we have recorded during our investigations, they have said that they would never treat their children that way.  _

_ Our duty to our children is to guide, nurture and protect until the time of their choosing when they are old enough to make their own decisions and choose their path in life. The very act of having children living a life largely under the influence of these serums strips all of that away. Make no mistake, this is abuse. You might not be raising a hand to the child but physical harm is being committed just as surely and that will not be tolerated any longer. _

  
“What’cha reading?” Sadie asks me as she slides onto the bench opposite me at lunch. 

I look up at her and smile in greeting then put my tablet down on the table and try to concentrate on my lunch. Swallowing down my first bite, and the emotions I’m full of after what I just read. 

“Just some of the information from the council meetings that started after the shit Erudite caused.” I shrug after I answer trying to seem much more indifferent than I feel at all.

AJ frowns at me with a bite of food in her mouth. “Why would you want to read that crap? It’s boring as hell.”

Before I can answer, from beside me, Vera slaps her hand down on the table with a huge mischievous smile. “I got it! Coulter figured out our girl doesn’t respond to normal torture, so he found something new. S&M Candor style. Who needs chains, whips or handcuffs when you have all that sexy law stuff.” She eyes me slyly. “Or maybe he just found a way to put her ass to sleep so she will stop trying to climb his shit every night.” 

I flush in embarrassment and snort out a laugh, then toss some food at her as my friends laugh at the lame joke. It’s embarrassing as hell, but right now I’m also thankful for it. I could use some humor even if it came at the expense of my friends messing with me.

They haven’t let me live down the morning I stormed into the gym for our morning workout mad as hell. Actually, it was more the reason I was so mad that they aren’t going to let me forget. 

The event took place when I woke up in Eric’s bed for the second time and we still hadn’t had sex, and I hadn’t had a damn thing to drink the night before. I hadn’t even planned on spending the night at his house again. I knew he was going to be out of the compound all day and was likely to not even be back until late. Eric messaged a few hours after he took me to the bakery reminding me that I agreed to stay the night with him and that he left a set of keys to his apartment for me with Marlene. It turned out he got in even later than he originally thought and I was dead asleep by the time he crawled into bed. I didn’t even wake up and he didn’t try to wake me. To say I woke up mad as hell when I realized this was an understatement. He’s peace offering of coffee and the bakery wasn’t even enough to appease me and I actually refused. Instead I just huffily got dressed in my workout clothes and stormed out of his apartment and straight to the training room to meet my friends. 

It was obvious to them that I was pissed off and trying to work something out by how hard I went into our workout. So they bugged me to tell them what happened.

I had snapped out that nothing happened and that was the problem. Eric wouldn’t fuck me so I had to get relief somewhere else. Their laughter then hadn’t made my temper any better.

The laughter dies out and we resume eating. 

“Seriously though, why are you reading that stuff?” Sadie asks with genuine curiosity. 

My friend was from Candor originally and now works on the legal side of administration. She says she’s nothing more than a glorified secretary but I’ve heard Tori praising her more than once for her helping to get something over on Candor, or having pulled through on getting things ready that are needed when processing someone into their system. 

The meetings and minutes from them would be more up her alley. She actually enjoys that kind of thing while I usually stick to reading things, ironically enough, coming out of Erudite in regards to new advancements and medical techniques.

“Did you know that it wasn’t just Erudite and Dauntless that had...sanctions...is the word they use...after everything happened?” I ask in between bites.

She nods in agreement but the others are looking just as confused as I was when I was told. 

“Yes. I can understand why a big announcement wasn’t made, but from what I have read nothing in the sanctions were too bad.” 

“While I agree, I don’t think my old faction is likely to agree at all,” I mumble around a piece of chicken.

“Amity? What could they have possibly been punished for?” Vera asks with a snort. “They are the faction of kindness and peace after all.”

Sadie and I exchange glances. While AJ and Vera are friends the only one to know much about my past in Amity, besides Tori that is, would be my roommate. I was still suffering the effects of withdrawal and dealing with my new emotions well after initiation. We had been roommates from the start and she was in initiation with me. Even though early on I barely spoke to her, she was smart enough to figure it out. I think Tori might have said something to her as well since Sadie does work closely with the leaders.  

She saves me from answering by shrugging. “I guess you just have to read it yourself. It might be my Candor prejudice but if you ask me, that kindness and peace seem pretty artificial.”

“They put that serum in everything, right?” AJ asks, finally catching on.

I nod but continue to eat quietly. 

“Yeah, that would suck then. Never being able to just...be anything...other than happy all the time.” She replies with a scowl.

Once again my roommate saves the day and changes the line of conversation to plans for the weekend. Which then turns to two of them whining a little that I won’t be there to party with them. Then Sadie jokes that what the other two are really upset about is the fact that both Lynn and I won’t be there to take care of their crazy butts when they party too much. I make the appropriate responses to their good-natured jokes and suggestions they start to make about how to end my dry spell with Eric.

In the back of my mind, I’m still thinking about what I discovered from reading over those transcripts.

At first, I was determined to start from the beginning of the council sessions and read through all of them. Until curiosity and impatience got the better of me and gave in to the desire to find out about what’s going on in Amity. 

It took some serious digging because they went in the order of seriousness in faction offenses. I guess, while serum abuse is a problem, they wanted to address the other things that actually led to an almost war first. I also found out that this particular sanction didn’t take place until this last year and has been slow in rolling out through the entire faction. Most of that is because there had been a lot of effort put into research and testing, as well as investigating and questioning Amity members. 

The first thing I noticed when I read over all of the data compiled by Erudite was that the first and primary name was Elijah Coulter. He was also the one that put the objection forth in the first place. This came after one of the ‘visits’ the factions are making and they happened to be present at an event where a very young dependent was given a dose of the peace serum. It was immediately backed by Dauntless and Abnegation who had been there at the same time too. 

The objection from Dauntless didn’t surprise me but the one from Abnegation did to an extent. 

What really has me thrown for a loop and struggling during lunch is reading Tori’s words. I can’t imagine what hearing them in person would have done to me but I also can’t understand why she wouldn’t have told me about all of this. 

I know she doesn’t like getting emotional, so maybe that’s why?

Tori isn’t at lunch today, along with Eric and the others, and I’m feeling thankful for that. I don’t think I would be able to hold back in bringing it up and just how much it meant to that she fought for me. There was nothing else it could have been with the examples she used. 

I also knew that Eric had a part in everything. Why else would his own brother be the one to present, not only the argument but the research he had to undertake as well?

It leaves me with questions I’m afraid to ask even myself, much less him.

Did Eli get involved because Eric asked him to? Did he ask him because of me? Eric said that I wasn’t invisible to him but what did that mean when there has been no indication from him at all in all our years here. Things he knows about me or remembers from our initiation hint that what he said is true. That even back then he saw me.

Tori was right when she said that back then I wasn’t in the right mind to be with him. I guess, knowing his past he wasn’t either. 

She’s also right that I still might not be.

I might not be as much of a loner as I was back in initiation but I do still hold myself apart from others. Not just in a romantic sense but even in friendships too. 

During my training, I felt so alone, abandoned, and hated. Like I would never really belong so I didn’t really try. I just did my own thing. I guess I’ve had a bit of a chip on my shoulder. Thinking that to everyone I’ll always be an Amity playing at being a Dauntless. I think, even now with my friends, I’ve always felt they might still see me that way so I don’t really let them in.

For over three years I’ve lived here but part of me hasn’t allowed myself to believe that the people around me don’t see me that way. 

Lunch is in full swing around me. Voices are colliding with the music that always seems to be playing here. There is so much life and happiness in Dauntless. It’s not the kind I was used to in Amity. 

It isn’t the forced and manufactured kind I grew up thinking was normal and for the first time, I don’t feel a pang of homesickness when I think about Amity. Because I am home and for the first time in my life I’ve begun to understand what it’s like to be loved and wanted.

* * *

 

 

There is a steadily dwindling pile of paperwork on my desk that I’m blowing through, eager to be done and to get out of the clinic. It’s Friday and the end of my work week. It’s also the night before I will be heading to Amity with Eric.

My body is buzzing with anticipation. Every night since the dinner at Erudite I’ve slept at Eric’s. We still haven’t done anything. And every morning I wake up and we still haven’t done anything I tell myself I won’t be coming back that night.

I admit Eric can be a smooth talker when he wants to me.

This has been torture and I have no clue how Eric is keeping himself together. For the last few nights, I went to his apartment right after dinner and tried to keep myself occupied enough to stay awake until he got home. One night I passed out in bed while reading. Again I woke up to him getting dressed for the day and sourly let him buy me coffee and donuts. 

He called me around lunchtime and promised me that even if I fell asleep before he got home he would make sure to wake me up in a pleasurable way. So that night I stayed out on the couch watching a movie and hoped that if I did pass out he would have to wake me up to go to bed. He carried me to bed and I never woke up.

I’ve never cursed my ability to sleep through anything so much as I do now.

Eric outright laughed at my venomous glare when I woke up. Then he just shrugged and said that he never specified anything about when he would wake me up or what that pleasurable way would be. It turned out the being woken in a pleasurable way equated to him having already started coffee then making me my favorite omelet for breakfast while I showered to get ready for my day. 

Over this past week we’ve established a bit of a routine, starting with that morning I woke up and he took me to my favorite place to get a pastry and coffee. The first time the woman behind the counter looked like she might pass out when she saw Eric with me. After having me tell her my order he ordered something for himself, wearing sneer of course, and she actually let out a little whimper of fear. As she scurried off I laughed at the absurdity of it. 

Eric was entirely too pleased by the entire thing. It clearly made his day.

“ _ I love the smell of fear in the morning _ ,” He whispered into my ear after we watched her scramble away to get our things. I didn’t know that this was a quote from a favorite movie of his, as he informed me later, but it was pretty damn fitting for him. Even the movie's title was fitting.  _ Apocalypse Now _ .

But that showed me he has a playful side to him, even if it’s a bit twisted. It’s also a side he won’t let anyone but those closest to him see. As enjoyable and butterfly inducing as all that is I’m still left feeling frustrated. There’s only so much I can take and I’m a woman on a mission now.

The plan for today is to get out of here early, get home and finish packing, then put on something seductive to surprise Eric with. 

The knock on my door brings me out of my scheming. I look up and see Four in the doorway and frown. 

“I have a few initiates that need to be looked at. The other nurses are already with other people.” He explained, his eyebrows all wrinkled up in worry.

I nod and rise to go take a look while feeling a bit uncomfortable as he follows me. It’s slightly strained between us. We haven’t really talked again since that lunch when he was obviously not happy I was with Eric in any form. I’ve seen him in passing but he’s busy with being the leader stuck in the compound while the others are off doing visits or other things. 

He’s also still in charge of training, though he isn’t there all the time like in the years past. For the activities that are most likely to get injuries though, he’s usually there. 

I’m trying to remember what the initiates are scheduled for now. They’ve moved past the ranked and scored fights and I know they start their fear sims soon. 

“Rappelling and wall climbing accidents.” He tells me while shaking his head after just asked.

“Ah, ok.” 

The boy who had fallen when doing the wall climbing wasn’t bad off. Some deep bruising of the ribs and back area where he had fallen. The girl was a bit worse off, she would need a splint on a few fingers that she slammed into the wall when trying to catch herself after going down the rappel line wrong. 

With that done, I left them to rest a bit with instructions to take it easy for the rest of the day and go back to my office. I have just a bit more for me to do and I can leave. If I get it done fast enough and filed away I can be out of here at least three hours early. 

I had just gotten back to my desk when I heard someone following me into the office. I turn and see it’s Four then plop into my seat with a frustrated sigh.

I know the expression on his face all too well and I’m fully prepared for a lecture of some kind. I guess it makes sense that he would choose to do this now. Tori and Tris are out of the compound, but more importantly, so is Eric.

Now that I think about it, I wonder if he even really needed to be the one to bring the initiates in, considering Christina is one of the trainers and has been bringing them in so far. 

He goes over to one of the chairs on the other side of my desk and sits in it. “I wanted to talk to you, Devi.”

“Obviously,” I smirked at him and sigh shaking my head as he frowns. “I’m surprised you have the time, with how busy you are and all the other leaders being gone or tied up this week.”

He nods slowly, his forehead still all scrunched up. Is it wrong of me to think that it makes him look constipated?

“I have been or I would have tried to do this sooner. Honestly, I’m just surprised that I even need to be having this conversation with you.”

I tried to keep my temper under control and remember that Four’s intentions are good here. “And why is that?”

“Because I am worried, Devi! This is Eric we’re talking about. You know how he was in our initiation. If anything he’s gotten worse than he was then, and that was when he was just starting out. Besides that, I don’t remember him even once looking at you until that night in the pit. I’m willing to bet the only reason he is now is that he knows you’re my friend. He doesn’t have a great reputation with girls and you deserve better.”

“Okay,” I say slowly and close my eyes trying to stay calm and breakdown his speech to process and address each point in my mind before I try and do so out loud to him.

“Okay? So you agree with me? Good, because I really don’t want…”

“Stop. Just stop.” I snap out. “I don’t agree with a damn thing you just said Four and I’m trying not to lose my shit here on you.” It’s dead quiet as I talk calming breaths before going on. 

“Mira. I know you think you’re just being a good friend by telling me exactly what you think and what I should be doing, but you’re not. You’re trying to act like my father and tell me what I should or shouldn’t do. Who I should or shouldn’t see. It wouldn’t matter if you were here talking to me about Eric or someone else, my answer would be the same. It’s my choice and mistake to make if it is one. Which it  _ isn’t _ by the way. The only wrong thing here is your insinuations. Do you not even realize how what you said made me feel? That it’s impossible for Eric to have any interest in me for me? Don’t even get me started on the fact that you just automatically assume he has nothing better to do with his time than to mess with you.”

Four pales and shakes his head about to say something but I hold my hand up to continue. 

“I get that you two have issues. I get that you might not like the way he goes about things and I know he doesn’t like the way you go about things either. Ask yourself this though, what do you know about Eric? Have you ever tried to find anything out other than he was working with Erudite and he can be an abrasive dick?”

“Do you know anything about him?” Four snaps out at me defensively. 

“I know more than you most likely. Do I know everything about him, no, but what I do know is what matters to me and the rest I can find out as time goes on. Let me ask you, how many people here know anything about you before you came to Dauntless?”

I already know the answer to that. Very few people really know anything. Even I only know vaguely there had been some kind of issue with his father but not the details. I also know that the only person to know everything is Tris. I know he sees where I’m going with this and he sighs, looking away.

“That’s different.” He protests weakly and without looking at me.

“Why? Why should it be different for you than anyone else?” I seethe before huffing and dropping that argument. “Other than the methods he uses for training and your rivalry in our initiation, what else has he really done to you personally?” 

Four runs a hand over his face and looks back to me. “I guess saying that he lives to make my life hell wouldn’t matter to you?”

I laugh and shake my head. “That won’t work with me, Four. I know you find reasons to make his life hell just as much. You question every move he makes and you do it publicly. Doesn’t say something that he hasn’t called you out publicly on that to this day when he could very easily? You badmouth him constantly. Telling anyone who will listen just how horrible he is. He has yet to pull rank and have you brought up on charges. He has yet to try and fight you again. So yeah, you guys exchange words and glares. I know that he can push your buttons just as bad but that’s all it’s been. I’m not saying you have to become best friends, but even you have to see it would be better for the faction if you worked together.”

I’m surprised at how calm I’m about this but I guess that’s because I mean every word. I sigh and let him digest that then continue. “As far as whatever is between Eric and me? It really isn’t anyone else’s business. You can be worried as a friend. But a real friend would say...you know what..I don’t necessarily like it but I’m here for you. Believe me, I’ve heard that plenty enough from Lynn, Sadie, Vera, and AJ.”

A throat clears from the doorway to the office and both our heads snap to look at it. 

“Cógeme,” I mutter when I see Eric leaning against the door jamb of the wide-open door. 

His arms are crossed over his chest, his one leg crossed over the other. He looks like he is relaxed but the tension in his arm where the vein is pulsing like crazy lets me know he is anything but relaxed.

Four stands and looks at me for a second before he speaks. “I don’t like it, but I am here for you.” He mutters out with a tense jaw as if the words are killing him to say. 

Then he eases away from the desk and to the door. Eric still stays in the same position, the two eyeing each other as Four closes the distance then pauses in front of him. I stand slowly, just knowing I’m going to have to put myself between them in a second.

I’m surprised when Eric straightens up then moves out of the door to let him pass. Four goes by him, still not taking his eyes off Eric, then gives this little head nod and turns to walk away completely.

Eric steps back into the doorway, through it, and then shuts the door firmly. I’m at a loss for what to say honestly. He makes his way over quickly with two long strides of his legs.

“Did you mean all that?” He asks, in that hushed tone he can get. 

I nod in response, swallowing to try and get my dry mouth to work properly and form words. “How long were you there?”

“I saw him go into your office behind you. You two didn’t close the door and I was curious.”

“So. Everything then?” He crowds in close to me. The wild man is back but there’s something else burning in his eyes as he cups the sides of my face then pulls me into a kiss. 

It’s a hungry and impatient kiss, his tongue plunging into my mouth after I barely opened it to receive him. He curls his tongue along mine while his fingertips apply the slightest of pressure against my scalp as he tries to get me even closer. Our height difference prevents it from happening, so with a growl, his hands shoot down until they are digging into the cheeks of my ass and he yanked me up. My legs wrapped around his waist tightly as my hands go to his hair, tangling in it as much as they can when it’s still styled with that gel he uses.

I move my hips against him but I’m too high up and groan in frustration. We are still kissing when he goes to the seat I just vacated and situates himself in it with me straddling him. We feverishly make out like a couple of teenagers, getting nowhere near the level of satisfaction we really want and just making ourselves even more frustrated.

He pulls back from a kiss we’ve barely surfaced from other than long enough to get air, and I find myself gasping.

“You didn’t even hesitate to shut him down,” He mumbles against the skin of my neck. It’s so garbled at first that I don’t understand him.

I pull back with a frown. “Why would I have hesitated?”

He doesn’t answer, just scowls and gives a frustrated huff that my scrubs are in the way of him getting to my bare skin. He is avoiding answering or doesn’t even realize that he said anything out loud. 

I ask again, trying to make him look at me. “Why would I have hesitated, Eric?”

His hands still against my hips while he’s still wearing that scowl but now he’s looking right in my eyes. 

“You’re done for the day.” He pauses then sighs and closes his eyes briefly before he opens them again. “ _ Are _ you done for the day?”

My lips twitch in amusement at his attempt to make it a question, not a command. His attempt is noted even though he still manages to fail but I nod in agreement. “Yes. I had a little bit of paperwork…”

That seemed to be good enough for him because he doesn’t let me finish before he’s standing while he grumbles out a ‘thank fuck’, with me still in his arms. Which is something he either doesn’t realize or really care? Either way, it takes me shrieking that he needs to put me down to stop him carrying me out of the door he’s rapidly headed for. He looks at me with a glint in his eye and a smirk on his lips and I think he’s about to tell me he won’t be putting me down but something in my expression must stop him because he shakes his head and lets me slide down his body until my feet touch solid ground.

He doesn’t give me much time after that get my back before he wraps his hand around my wrist and tugs me to the door, wrenches it open and then leads us out.

There are a few nurses around that look at us before they scamper off at our dual glares. Shauna watches us, laughing, and calls out that she’ll see me after the weekend. 

He doesn’t let go of my wrist at all as we walk through the compound.

“Are you taking me home with you, Eric?” I breathlessly ask with a smile as I remember that I asked that same question when he carried me from the pit the night this all started. It’s still hazy but I’ve slowly started to remember things. That was one of them.

He looks down at me and smirks wickedly. “You bet your fucking ass I am, little one.”

I shiver from the promise in his eyes and the wickedness of his smile.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song Belief, by Gavin DeGraw
> 
> Character Inspiration:
> 
> Eric Coulter: Jai Courtney  
> Devi Nunez: Diane Guerrero  
> Tori Wu: Maggie Q  
> Tris Prior: Shailene Woodley  
> Four Eaton: Theo James  
> Elijah Coulter: Alexander Skarsgard


End file.
